Red Flag Online Dating Profile

Zoe this is a good topic. I dont know what that is except to say “yikes”! Strikes me of narcissism. I doubt he would not be judgemental lol. Im happy for you that you are ready to get back out there. I remember my sp’s profile talked about being laid back and that we (whoever) would have lots of good times. Yeah, if by good times he meant nearly destroying me. Also, little did I know he was lying about his degree and job. And, subsequently I found another dating profile with a fake name and a bunch more lies. Good luck! Keep being cautious:)

• This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by traumatized41.

zoe7 – yes – your radar is working. He is obviously looking for someone with money – most likely to scam.

How an you tell he is looking for money? Im trying to learn:) cause of the wine and napa and going away for weekends and that he is looking for a classy professional woman? I noticed he didnt say anything about him working lol…I think i answered my own question.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by traumatized41.

Hi Zoe7, This guy’s post is a marching band of RED flags!! The biggest Red flag is he is “Type A’ personality.

I would highly recommend that you do a search on LF (upper right corner) on “online dating”…it’s a very dangerous world and online dating is the most dangerous place to meet someone. The main reason is, you can easily get sucked into a sociopath con game by their words alone via the net. Sociopath troll these online dating sites endlessly for easy prey. And they can con many people on line at one time. Remember actions speak louder then words. But with online dating you dont see someone actions like in regular dating, instead you must rely on their words whether they are truthful or not.

For me, I would never date online = to dangerous. It’s best to find a club, organization or group in your city to meet new people and then if you have romantic interest in someone you have a group of people to look after you, give you advise i.e. “no he is not a good guy to date here are the reasons” or as a sounding board if you do start to date in the group.

The site Meetup. com use to be free and it listed all the groups, clubs & organization in city/town etc. Not sure how they are now but there might be others sites that list these entities or you can see if there are any government agencies in your town list clubs or organization in your town on their site. This is much better also when you meet someone in person listen to your first gut instinct = it is usually always accurate.

Google: Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube…to watch their video on listening to your gut instinct. Gavin’s book is The gift of fear (your local library may have this book).

Your gut instinct with regards to this guy’s online post is accurate = dangerous guy!! Good job listening to your gut. If someone sounds to good to be true = it should send up RED flag alerts!!!

I know that you meet your ex sociopath in person, so did I, but I ignored my gut instinct the second I met him & the next time I met him. I was confused by the fact he had a large group of friends. But the biggest take away for me is to always listen to my gut regardless is others dont have the same gut instinct…just follow your own gut instinct jus like you did with his post here.

Remember sociopath literally use brain washing, mind control, trance & hypnosis to control others even via the internet i.e. dating sites. Another reason why not to online date. plus they can break into your computer & also into your computer phone camera. Beware!!

• This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Jan7.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Jan7.

Looks bad.

What my sp’s online dating profile should have said:
Hi, I am … I enjoy hockey. I graduated high school and can’t hold down a normal job because no one will hire me due to my work history and criminal background. Well, even if I could get a job I wouldn’t keep it for long because my true desire lies in manipulating people out of money. I don’t discriminate who I will con out of money whether it be family or an unsuspecting person who answers my ad for flooring work.

Now, onto what a relationship with me will be like. I will make you feel like you are falling in love with me if you date me. I will flatter you and make you feel like you need me. I will occasionally slip or maybe get pleasure out of telling you that I am antisocial, I don’t have or want friends, and that my only two motivators are sex and money. I promise you our sex life will be great in the beginning but then I will use that against you and to degrade you when I begin devaluing you. I will confuse you on purpose and flat out deny that some things ever happened. In the beginning, i will tell you how much i love and need you but that will disipate unless you have money to supply me with.  I will even use the tragic death of my daughter to play on your need to help others. I will lie to you about everything and compare you to others I will never let you meet. When you try repeatedly to break free from me I will pull you back in. Until of course you find out i have been hurting your dog. Then I guess you will make me leave but I will want you to live in fear. I will not pay you a dime back and honestly never will have had any intention to do so. 

Message me if this sounds like what you’re looking for. I already love you so much.

“…looking for authentic, cultured professional, classy women…”

I think he may be married or at very least a serial player. If not seeking money, he uses money to control. That would be my take, particular with the use of the word “women” instead of “a woman”.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Stargazer.

The online profile looks scarily similar to one posted by my SP ex. He was “enjoying travel, fine food and wine and weekends away”. Though he forgot to mention he had an adult daughter (found out 3 months later) and that was married (said he was divorced…but forgot the remarried bit).

For the next 3 weeks he mirrored me on line. When we had a lunch date he was 30 min late (but said I was early). I did not have a “wow” I expected from our online chats (after a few emails he felt like a soul mate, same experiences, likes, etc). But I did not listen and carried on with it for the next 4 years and only broke it off because I hired a PI and found out this man lied to me about everything. Starting with his place and date of birth!!! Despite having 2 relatively normal “admirers” at the time (introduced by mutual friends), both were long divorced, with grown up children and financially stable with good jobs. But of course they did not feel like “soulmates”, there was no desire to rip their clothes off so I chose excitement over common sense. Lesson learnt.

From personal experience of online dating, I would try and look at an alternatives such as a Meet Up in your area (e.g. trying new restaurants if food is your thing or art outings, dancing, languages, etc). It is a lot harder to hide face to face. Depending if you are a sporty person, golf courses (there are some affordable public ones), tennis courts, gyms etc are better ways to meet people.

Online dating can work if you are after something strictly casual, but even then one needs to be careful.

lastly:

Single mothers tend to be especially vulnerable to online predators. I was mine 3rd victim (plus his current wife was also a single mum when they got together).
Some of it because we are easy targets (loneliness, tiredness). Many of us retained a family home in divorce settlement (can provide him free housing). And our children are targets (either to have a hold over us or for future exploitation, including sexual. Mine mentioned that his second wife’s husband filed child molestation charges against him on the basis that he was inappropriate with his then 13 year old step daughter. According to him it was all made up “as there was nothing, she just used to serve me coffee naked whilst I was in the shower”. He actually told me that story!!!!

So for all single mothers out there – please be careful!

Congratulations Zoe7, your gut told you that this guy was dangerous. And you listened.

Always listen to your gut (even where it is in conflict with your head!).

The sociopath is so sickening. Honestly, our stories like 3rd time lucky are so utterly disturbing, and the general public has no real dea what is lurking around (I know I did not) We all know now and are smarter and wiser. I just wish we all didn’t have to pay such a high price. ? It’s a hard decision about going back to online dating. All I can say is I know I m not ready yet but may be someday.

All 3 of the men I met online, and dated for various periods of time, were personality disordered. One sabotaged my truck (cost me 1500.00) when I cut him off. One stalked me for 5 years, after 3 months of long distance dating. One basically took me for about 25,000.00 in loans and travel.

So my experience was 100% rotten for online dating. All 3 misrepresented their lives, jobs, housing, history, intentions, and needs. All three appeared to be very different types of people, and on the surface they were. But the basic behaviors were very much in sync: Lure, Love-bomb, sexsexsex, then a series of devaluing behaviors, and finally either I cut it off or they did.

One was an actor: funny, smart, angry, poor. One was a therapist: quiet, opinionated, lonely. One was a new-age-y dance instructor-cum-shaman: Loud, smart, funny, bragadocious, extrovert.

But they all followed the same pattern.

Here is part of the therapist’s online profile: “Eclectic, multi-faceted artist and human-being here in Ashland, Oregon, USA. My love for theater arts and dance is only preceded by my life-long quest for a transcendant philosophy and life-style that sheds labels, prejudices and group identification”

And here is some writing by the ‘shaman’ dance instructor:
This is the title of your first image post
May 1, 2013

Ok, I’m a week in Bali now, and while that event itself is certainly a momentous occasion in its own right, there is a next level awaiting activation. I think that part of the reason I am here in Bali is to get a good look at my life’s half steps and apparent addiction to self sabotage, my overly adapted ability to self-bargain myself into neutrality and inaction. I seem to be a series of coping mechanisms, stacked one against another like the fence around the house you saw in that movie that time, creating a makeshift border around a yard that was always undertended, the house appearing near collapse.
These are my thoughts as I return from peeing outside for at least the 3rd time tonight and I walk past the door of the master bedroom where I’m not sleeping for the second night in a row. The reason for this is because a giant spider with at least a 6-8″ legspan has taken up residence there and it currently doesn’t feel like the safest place to sleep. I did try catching it, once I had processed that yes, this thing really was that big and that the only way it was going to be elsewhere was if I made it that way. For every foot of my approach it seemed to double in size, and when I tried to place the large mouthed storage jar over it, like I’ve done for other similar “relocation projects”, ZOOOM!!! It moved so fast that I actually felt fear on an entirely new level. I don’t know if I’ve ever had the experience of seeing something move that fast at close range.
I exist as the tentative balance between Shaman/Spiritual Seeker/Holy Man and the most earth-based, addicted and hedonistic person I’ve known. So part of me really wants to save the life of this magnificent intruder, this specimen of its kind, and thinks that the whole process should be relatively simple. If not, I’m just not being smart or creative enough.
Then the caveman comes out and he’s all, “fuck it, I SMASH!!”, coupled with the tiniest fear that I might be outmatched by this Handfull-o-Fun. Because what the hell would THAT mean?
I then contemplate that big and itchy spider bites of the past were likely made by critters able to easily slip past my considerable radar to do their skin dance. Well shoot, a bite from something of this size might just kill you and your whole family, both of blood and bond! Can’t really have that, can I?
Either way though, I cannot see myself ever sleeping in that room again until one of these two things occur. Twice I thought he might have moved on, only to discover him somewhere else 24 hours later. So its back to sleepin the other room, and thank God there is one!, where I have temporarily taken up residence, in the house where I have temporarily taken up residence, because I have only begun to land here on the “Island of the Gods”, and I’ve got a number of more steps to take before I truly a r r i v e. Most of these things would likely have been knocked out right away by most travel-savvy humans, and they are right, of course.
But for three days I’ve been dancing with a spider
And untangling unconsciously woven webs~

Good post Zoe!
During one of my break ups, I tried online dating. It worked for people I knew. YIKES! I was matched with my X SP! Different name, same town, but was wearing sunglasses in his profile pic, so i couldnt be totally sure. But his story was MY story, divorced with 2 kids blah blah blah. Even a dog that he described was mine. He stole my story! I had some people over, showed them his profile, and even they weren’t sure – could be – maybe not. So I asked my kids and they thought probably so, and told me to message him. So I did. My profile pic was clearly me. I said, if you want people to get to know you, you should post a pic without sunglasses. He blocked me without reply. Yep, it was him!