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Dear Dr. McDermott,
Thank you for this forum, I am grateful. I was married to an individual 35 years. He was physically, emotionally and financially abusive towards me. We went to a psychiatrist for marriage counseling, sadly it did no good. The Dr. was kind enough to tell me he had “ Sociopath tendencies.” I asked what that meant, she commented he is a “ Controlled Sociopath.” I have read all that I can. He destroyed three lives. He started my sons on drugs at the age of 14. I did all that I could. We divorced two years ago. Never have I missed his rages, abuse or him. However, I miss my adult sons, who do not speak to me. I grieve daily for them and miss them tremendously. I cannot understand why my sons have abandoned me? I always wanted a Mother like me & I was that Mother. I am doing my best to move on, create a new world, but it has been more than challenging. Even now when we our forced to speak, he derails my words, blames everything on me. I simply tell him, wait until I am finished speaking & save your blame for another. I do not communicate with him, he is a “ parasite.” Do you have any recommendations how to heal, recover? If my existence does not become life, and I cannot heal, it is truly a waste to reside on the planet. I have seen therapists for grief, PTSD, yet nothing helps. I am simply searching for options, how to move on. I suspect I have lost my sons forever. Thank you.
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Keep trying. See another therapist, and do NOT give up. You will get better.
Your sons have been manipulated and lied to, and you have to get to a place were you are strong enough to fight for them and get them out of the clutches of your ex.
Right now, focus on your own healing. STAY IN THERAPY! It’s worth it. You also need a support network. If you don’t have friends you can trust, join a church, a charitable organization, a club, or see if group therapy is available. Make a list of things that you’ve wanted to do but never have. Highlight the ones you can afford, and go do them. Pamper yourself. Get rest. Eat well. Journal. Meditate. Pray. Listen to music, and learn to love you again.
You are lovable. You will get through this.
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Karen55 – I am so sorry for your experience. It sounds like your ex engaged in parental alienation and turned your sons against you. This can be very difficult to overcome.
The first thing is to evaluate if your sons have the same traits as your ex. These personalities are highly genetic, so it is possible. If any of your sons do have the same traits, I am afraid that you may have to let them go.
If any of your sons are capable of love, but have been misled by your ex, there may be hope. The best thing you can do is heal yourself, pull your own life together, and look for small opportunities to start rebuilding your relationships with them.
I’m glad Lovefraud is helping you. (I’m the author. Dr. McDermott is a valued contributor.)
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For your PTSD look into Adrenal fatigue symptoms. See symptoms list on DrLam. com and Adrenal fatigue. org. Healing your adrenal glands will help with depression & anxiety (both issues with PTSD).
I’m sorry that your son’s have been manipulated to cut you out of their lives. Just leave the door open if your son’s choose to open their minds to the truth.
Sending you hugs!!
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