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When my sociopath husband walked out 12 years ago, I started to recover, but still retained social contact for the sake of our (grown-up) son. Then I found out the he had had a new regular girlfriend for the previous 6 years, despite holidaying with me twice a year! I said I didn’t want to be the “other woman” and we should divorce. The world imploded! Three years of incredible nastiness followed, but I stood my ground and eventually it was all over with the settlement exactly what I had suggested in the first place – but by now we also had 3 years of legal fees to pay!
I have maintained a strict no contact policy, but the real test came last week.
I met a “new” man and, despite my girlfriend thinking he was just what I needed and raving about him, I spotted a few red flags. My previous natural (victim? neediness?) instinct would have been to follow-through and see what happened, but somehow I managed to get rid of him (very politely) before I got sucked in again. I feel so proud of acting so fast and decisively. No regrets at all. Let the healing continue!
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Well done!
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Good for you for recognizing red flags. Just curious, though – what were they? I sometimes find myself so supersensitive to other’s possibly innocent statements/actions that I don’t even give them a chance – and then I worry I might have been wrong. I know that my gut is a lot smarter than my emotions, though, and I am learning to listen to it…but I love hearing what triggered that reaction in others.
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emilie18,
You are right on. It is best to listen to your gut, and just let it go. There are a zillion people on the planet, and there is always another chance to connect with someone who does not make your gut act up.
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Emilie18,
Same here, I feel very confused at times if I am just being super sensitive now towards other people because of emotions or my gut is correct? It’s really difficult , feels like compass is still off !
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