Update: 12 months post SP breakup

Hello everyone on this forum,
A few may remember my story that I shared 12 months ago: a single mum ending up with a bigamist SP shortly after my divorce from a narc; how I had to plan my exit carefully to protect my son and my struggles with No Contact.

12 months on: what Donna has been saying all along: you will feel happy again, there is a light at the end of the tunnel; you will be stronger and wiser.

I did break NC 7 months ago when SP returned a item of property to me (by post, not in person). He left me a note saying he did not understand why I had to ruin a perfect relationship. I emailed him a photo of him and his wife that my private investigator got me (I thought he was single and we were engaged!). I am glad I did it as his response said it all: “anyone can spy on anyone”. No apology. No acknowledgement of any wrong doing. His response has given me closure and I was not tempted to contact him. On a rare occasion I think of him its: “wow, I am so lucky.”
I have developed a new circle of friends; in a process of starting a business; took up a new sport; have done 2 solo trips overseas off the beaten track to the places I always wanted to visit.
I enjoy my freedom and have been maintaining my boundaries with friends and family (I realise I had very weak boundaries before).
I wish I was able to screen people who ask me out 5 years ago, it is now easy to see the red flags, which in the days prior to my son’s narc father and then a SP, I would have seen as “romantic signs”.
Some examples: leaving me 20 phone messages before the first proper date (we met through work). When afterwards I decided not to proceed with the date, I got:Why don’t you like me? “You are a sad person”. Went to NC. Phone number blocked.
A man sending ,e photos of his kids and demanding my mobile before the first coffee; threatening to cancel the coffee if I didn’t give out my number (“You either trust me or you don’t”).
I’ve used a couple of dating websites, to train myself to screen people (without actually going on dates. Using the chatroom under an alias and asking them direct questions is very revealing. They try to change the topic and do not answer).
Donna was right, they are full of disordered people on the net.

One reminder to everyone is that your health is a wreck post SP and your immune system is down (though you may not realise it at the time). I got very ill 6 months after the breakup, ended up with a 48 hour complete blackout (transient global amnesia). As my neurologist told me, this is the result of cumulative stress. I suppose a custody battle with a narc and 4 years of SP’s subtle abuse does it to you.

I am fine now but really look after my health, including getting plenty of sleep.

Compared to the black whole I was 12 months ago, I am now the happiest I have been for 15 years or so.

Thank you Donna and all the others for your support to me during this journey, from a safe exit to recovery. For those who are just starting on their journey, be kind to yourself. You will get there. It just takes time to heal.