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The book is The Gift of Fear- and other survival signals that protect us from violence. It has 15 chapters:
1. In the presence of danger
2. The technology of intuition
3. The academy of predictions
4. Survival signals
5. Imperfect strangers
6. High-stakes predictions
7. Promises to kill- understanding threats
8. Persistence, persistence- people who refuse to let go
9. Occupational hazards
10. Intimate enemies- domestic violence
11. I was trying to let him down easy- date stalking
12. Fear of children
13. Better to be wanted by the police than not to be wanted at all- attacks against public figures’
14. Extreme hazards
15. The gift of fearIn chapter 8 he says when dealing with harassment, appearing to do nothing is the best plan. It really isn’t doing nothing: it is a reasoned management plan. It takes patience but is often the fastest way to end harassment. I have experienced this.
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I read the book and saw that interview too, Sunnygal. So many women I know have struggled with that conditioning to “be nice”, even when they feel threatened. In psychology, they depict the response to stress/danger as “fight, flight, or freeze”. In recent years, they have also added “tend and befriend”~ a common response among people who think if they are friendly and do their best to please an abuser, they will avoid harm. This is particularly risky for women in abusive relationships, who often become so hyper-vigilant that they disconnect from their own internal warning system.
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Bumping this to the top because it’s interesting to run any romantic relationships through DeBecker’s free MOSAIC threat assessment tool (it’s designed for law enforcement officials but you can figure out how to use it yourself)
This is from the Oprah interview (it might be triggering if you’re a domestic abuse survivor though)
http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/lessons-learned-from-gavin-de-beckers-gift-of-fear-video
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