How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › Book Review- The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
August 12, 2019 at 5:27 pm #53641
The book is The Gift of Fear- and other survival signals that protect us from violence. It has 15 chapters:
1. In the presence of danger
2. The technology of intuition
3. The academy of predictions
4. Survival signals
5. Imperfect strangers
6. High-stakes predictions
7. Promises to kill- understanding threats
8. Persistence, persistence- people who refuse to let go
9. Occupational hazards
10. Intimate enemies- domestic violence
11. I was trying to let him down easy- date stalking
12. Fear of children
13. Better to be wanted by the police than not to be wanted at all- attacks against public figures’
14. Extreme hazards
15. The gift of fear
In chapter 8 he says when dealing with harassment, appearing to do nothing is the best plan. It really isn’t doing nothing: it is a reasoned management plan. It takes patience but is often the fastest way to end harassment. I have experienced this.
- This topic was modified 4 months ago by Sunnygal.
August 14, 2019 at 8:19 pm #53691
There is a youtube interview of De Becker by Oprah. He says women are trained to be nice but being nice to someone who makes you uncomfortable can result in harm.
August 15, 2019 at 8:53 am #53697hope4meParticipant
I read the book and saw that interview too, Sunnygal. So many women I know have struggled with that conditioning to “be nice”, even when they feel threatened. In psychology, they depict the response to stress/danger as “fight, flight, or freeze”. In recent years, they have also added “tend and befriend”~ a common response among people who think if they are friendly and do their best to please an abuser, they will avoid harm. This is particularly risky for women in abusive relationships, who often become so hyper-vigilant that they disconnect from their own internal warning system.
August 15, 2019 at 11:13 am #53699
hope4me- Yes, De Becker has a very important message, trust your intuition.
August 29, 2019 at 11:28 am #54023
In the Oprah interview, he says men are afraid of being laughed at. Women are afraid of being killed.
September 10, 2019 at 12:20 pm #54175
Very good book.
September 14, 2019 at 2:30 pm #54246
Good to have on hand.
September 18, 2019 at 11:31 am #54305
I reread this.
September 21, 2019 at 1:34 pm #54407
This is good advice.
September 25, 2019 at 6:23 pm #54472
De Becker is an expert.
October 23, 2019 at 8:04 am #54860
October 31, 2019 at 1:57 pm #54943
This is so valueable.
November 8, 2019 at 7:49 pm #55037
November 16, 2019 at 2:11 pm #55135
November 19, 2019 at 4:26 pm #55160
Really terrific advice.
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