Book Review- The 5 Step Exit by Dr. Amber Ault

Hi Sunny gal –
I purchased the book. The main reason for me was about the recovery section – about all the things to do to make our lives continually more joyous and healthy. Another reason I got it was because in the sample reading section that they have on Amazon, she spoke about the possibility that these character disordered people can get healed. This has been something that has troubled me for a long time. I found it compassionate that she brought out the possibility that they could get well. She did go on to say something like that doesn’t mean that the person receiving abuse should stick around and wait for that. She said that they may not seek to get well. But it opened a possibility that somehow brought me relief. I do acknowledge though that they don’t have much motivation to do so. Anyway, thanks for the recommendation. I look forward to reading the book.
Blessings to you

Hi Sunny gal –
Thanks for pointing that out. I read more carefully what she said and though she mentioned “ folks with narcissistic, ‘borderline’ , and antisocial traits “, she did not say “ psychopath “ specifically and she did not exactly say “ narcissist “. So maybe she was making a distinction between some people’s behaviors vs an actual disorder ? Anyway, here is her quote:
“ I use the concept of “ personality disorder “ here as a kind of shorthand for clusters of challenging behaviors that show up in intimate relationships because many people – clinicians, partners and psychotherapy clients know and use this concept and it allows us a common frame of reference. Unlike some clinicians and lay people however, I do not believe that these clusters of behaviors are impervious to change, my own perspective is that these problematic behavioral styles are rooted in trauma, disruptive attachment experiences and cultural factors. I believe people with these patterns and styles can heal, change and grow. To do so requires deep commitments, courage and motivation, along with skillful therapeutic support. The possibility that folks with narcissistic, “ borderline “ and antisocial traits can heal and change doesn’t mean that your particular partner can make that journey right now or that you should stay with the hope that they will wake up because of your love or support .”
Thanks again SG.
Blessings to you

Hi SG –
Yes. Though what she states in theory about her belief that the people who display these abusive behaviors can heal and change, I haven’t heard about any of these cases. Though maybe she writes about them in her book. There are however innumerable cases about victims healing. My personal opinion is that if character disordered people get more information about all that has been exposed about their patterns etc, then they will just learn how to be even more subtle and cunning about their tactics. I felt hopeful when I first read what she said, but your post really woke me up to remember about the actual reality of their pathology. I thank you for that. In any case, I’m still going to read her book when it arrives. It looks like she has some good insights.
Blessings

Hi SG –
I’ve been reading the book and it it fabulous! About that one issue we were posting about, what I quoted was the only mention she made in the intro. The rest of the book didn’t touch upon that at all. In any case, what is so great about her book is that she addresses how to go no contact. We so often hear that people need to go No Contact but not how to maneuver through all the practical aspects or the specific emotions in connection with that step. Then she goes on to explain steps to take to get on with your life and how not to obsess over the past or the abuser that you cut Contact with. Her writing is very clear and readable too.
Blessings to you

Yes – Amber’s Book is extremely helpful and fills in some gaps that are a bit overlooked elsewhere. I wish I had known about her book at a time when it would have saved me from some difficulty and distress that could have been avoided if I had some of the info she has provided. Thanks for highlighting this book for everyone, SG.
Blessings

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Hi Leliaascottile –
I am glad that you found this site ! Psychological abuse is a very important issue and learning about it Will give you and your friends much protection as you venture into the world of romantic ( and other ) relationships. Love Fraud has an on line book store and I think a good book for your discussions would be Donna Andersen’s book called, ‘ Red Flags of Love Fraud ‘. You can also get it on Amazon. Thank you so much for your post !
Blessings to you.

Thanks SG – that was strange !

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