My first post

Hi honey, hope everything works out well for you and please maintain NC with him.

As to “warning the new girlfriend,” I think a lot of people struggle with this. It is of course tempting to contact the new victim to warn her and educate her. I decided against it with my ex. I figured that since they were in the honeymoon/love bombing phase, there was no way the new girl would believe me anyway. And my ex would just tell her that I’m a bitter ex trying to sabotage their new relationship. So after due consideration I ultimately decided to stay out of their relationship and never contacted her at all.

I’m curious about other readers’ thoughts about warning the new girlfriend. Has this ever worked out successfully for anyone? Or am I right in thinking that it would not work and that it’s best to just stay out of the new relationship altogether?

As sweet as it feels to warn the new victim, it really does minimal good. Sept4 — you are right — he has her in his thrall and will convince her that you are a bitter, vengeful b***h who can’t accept that it is over. And she will believe it — until he does the same to her. It took 16 months before I heard from his new victim and when we compared notes she was appalled – he had done virtually the same to her — lied (about everything), cheated (online porn and dating sites), manipulated (gaslighting, triangulation) and stole from her. And now he was with yet another victim. We both reached out to this newest one, but she, being a psychologist, basically told us we were bitter, vengeful b***hs who couldn’t get beyond being dumped. It’s been about 15 months – can’t wait to hear from HER! (Her being a psychologist, I kinda doubt we will – pride and ego being what it is…) Even though this might give us a bit of vindication, it also will open up old wounds. Both of us – and yes – we are still in contact, although we rarely talk about him — have moved on, healed our wounds and don’t dwell in the past. Although we chose to contact the latest “supply”, I would not recommend it. For one thing – the narc could very easily take his own revenge if you managed to ruin his “fun”. No Contact is the best way to expedite the healing. Best wishes to you, Honey — stay strong!

Hello Honey – we’ve had lots of conversations in the past about whether of not anyone should try to warn the next victim. You might find it helpful to read the prior articles.

https://lovefraud.com/letters-to-lovefraud-should-i-warn-the-next-victim/

Moral dilemma: Warning the next victim

Is there any way to successfully deliver a warning message that the new conquest will actually hear?

Hope these posts help you.

I chose not to seek any revenge and let karma take its place in his life. Its been almost 3 months and I feel so much better. I know in my heart that this new relationship will end just like mine did. I feel like this new girl is an adult and by this point in her life she is responsible for her choices. The one time I looked at her FB (when I discovered he had been lying for months) they were with her parents. Im thinking if her parents are active in her life maybe they will help her see what a pathetic looser he is. From the post it looked like she was falling fast so I very much doubt she would listen to the bitter ex. Im sure she s been told, she just wanted to get married and I didnt so that was why it ended. Which by the way was not why. There was a gut feeling I kept not listening to but really couldnt ignore till I had 100% proof of his lies. I dont know if that makes sense but it was the last straw. If she reaches out its game on Ill tell her everything but I feel like it would really not be helpful and only cause drama in my life and slow my healing from this jerk. I think about her from time to time and pray that God helps her see the truth sooner than I woke up. Just stay NC and things will work out. I think in the end we all have to make the best decision that we can at the time. As I tell my adult children Im doing the best that I can.

Hi Irene, as to karma I really don’t believe in that anymore. No matter how I rationalize it, he won and I lost. Because I cared about the marriage, and he did not. So I lost something of value to me, and he did not. And he can just keep moving on from marriage to marriage or relationship to relationship without it really meaning anything.

I would like to think that eventually karma will settle the score, but I think that is just a fantasy. I have not found happiness again, even though I am many years out from the divorce and have been NC for many years. I still carry the trauma with me and have not been able to let go of the suffering. I don’t think I’ll ever truly move on from that because it really was such a big loss.

It is like a death of a loved one. Eventually you will accept it and learn to live with the loss, but it will never not hurt and you never can go back to that innocent happiness that you felt before the loss. I wish I could say that after this many years I found happiness again and am much better off now. But that has not happened for me.

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Honey,

I have always tried to find if other people had their husbsnd/boyfriends want them to have s3x with others…. my husband is fascinated with it…. plus he has cheated on me numerous times. This last time I put a tracker on him and boy was he shocked when I knew he was at a park, tried to lie but had to come clean…. on my way out, just have to put things in place first…. he has a gf that he is in business with and only happy when he is in contact with her 13 years was too long, but took me way too long to open up my eyes!!!!!

I was warned. By a girl my bf was cheating on me with in 2017. My mom had just died suddenly and I was drinking pretty heavily at the time. He said she was just trying to sabotage us out of jealousy because he rejected her. I had 12 years with a narcissist before, so I wasn’t ignorant. She referred me to this site actually, but I didn’t get the chance to read it. She wrote for it years ago about her ex. It was just a week ago her name popped up in the popular searches of our Xbox, hooked up to the tv (where I can watch PBS documentaries, and he barely uses because it’s shared) Why’s he looking up the girl he cheated on me with years ago that blew the whistle on him, in 2020!? And carelessly? Imagine all of the stuff he has intentionally hidden, if something that huge just whoopsied out? So here I am, in 2021, logging in and also making my first post. So being warned helped me. Maybe not the very next day. I have a tendency to make terrible decisions, so hopefully she’s not as unfortunate. Send her the link to this page; I’m super grateful.❤️