How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › True colors of a narcissistic sociopath

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    • February 5, 2021 at 11:15 pm #65068
      funluvmusic25
      Participant

      As Donna previously mentioned trust plays a huge role in everything. It is automatic and we are hard wired to instinctively trust.

      The criminal and legal matter I’ve uncovered after ending my relationship with my N has so much to do with trust. My preying N took advantage of not only me, but an elderly woman who lived in another state. I’m not sure how my N connected with her nor does her daughter know who I have since contacted, but he was scamming this elderly woman through phone calls. He ended up being arrested in a bank in his home state trying to cash 4 checks in the amount of $4500 each. We also think she may have sent him cash as well. Her daughter noticed these checks going out of her mother’s account and started looking into it. She put a stop on the account asking to be notified if anyone tried cashing any of her mother’s checks. Low and behold enter my N. The bank called the daughter while he was in the bank trying to cash the checks. He claimed to have done work for the woman. The daughter instructed the bank to stall him and call the police. I’m sure he was surprised to see the police enter the bank, handcuff him and haul him away. A trial later ensued, however the daughter was urged to settle since it was a distance for her elderly mother to travel. He got off with his sentence being reduced to a misdemeanor, he had to pay restitution and was sentenced to one year probation. The daughter said when he was asked at the trial if he knew what he was doing was wrong he said,”not until I tried cashing the checks.” Brilliant answer, right?! The daughter also said her mother had early stages of dementia and was a very religious woman. Guess what he told the elderly woman? He told her he was a minister! Imagine that?! There was her vulnerability that he quickly pounced on for sure!

      After some research of court documents, which are public information, I was lucky enough to locate the daughter. Understandably, she was reluctant to return my call since I had left her a message telling her I believe we have a common interest in – – – – (my N’s name). When I explained how I knew him, what I uncovered, that I had cut off all contact with him and was also looking to protect myself she was more willing to talk to me. She also relayed he was ordered to pay a monthly amount to her for restitution , however he never sent anything so she petitioned the court. To no surprise and because it was a condition of his probation, he paid the restitution in full shortly before his probation was up. Sadly, I also found out her mother passed away at the same time his probation ended. When her daughter finally got the full restitution she said it was like a sign from above with her mother trying to tell her she wasn’t that stupid. Such a sad ending for both the daughter and her mother.

      When I put all of the dates together, unbeknownst to me I met him shortly before his court date and sentencing. So for a year he came up with every excuse in the book telling me why he couldn’t travel to my state to see me. He said he had been in an accident and was waiting for parts so his vehicle could be repaired, blah, blah, blah. Truth is because he was on probation he could not legally leave his state and he had to report to his probation officer on a regular basis.

      In essence, he started off our relationship with a lie. Not a big surprise as I look back on everything. Not a good feeling to see his face on MugShots.com after the fact. And to think I loved him! All said, I truly believe telling my story has helped me grow by leaps and bounds. I’m not going crazy after all. Maybe I took a short side trip to “crazytown,” yet I’m so happy to have returned to sanity!

      Long story I know, yet I can’t make this stuff up! My story is one of many that is similar to so many other stories on this site. Thank you for taking the time to read. You are all amazing! I’m grateful for your support.

    • February 6, 2021 at 10:45 pm #65077
      thesmiths
      Participant

      That is frightening how much they get away with. I feel very bad for all of you.

      I feel bad about my long term marriage to one, but who knew these type of people exist? I heard somewhere that a person’s eyes are in front of your head for a reason.

      You did this, but for those that don’t, you can Google the heck out of someone’s name. You find out their age, where they’ve lived, who they lived with, check divorce cases and check other court cases, etc.

      I saw one therapist a few times right after my divorce. I was very early to one session & sat very quietly looking at my phone. She came into the waiting room and jumped 10 feet into the air after I greeted her. She looked horrified. This wasn’t normal my intuition told me.

      I googled her. Her husband was was released from federal prison a few weeks earlier after serving ten years for embezzling $15 million from clients. There was a lot of information about the case online – local newspaper stories and US government hearing records. It was fascinating how he pulled it off.

      There’s a government website where you can look up people’s names to see if they are in or have been in federal prison.

      Here’s the site –
      https://www.bop.gov/mobile/find_inmate/byname.jsp#inmate_results

      The worst part is her husband had an active Twitter account the last year of his prison sentence looking for investors for a new business. I figure he was testing the waters for an income after his release. If he planned on scamming again who knows.

      I was on the fence about the therapist. I did not want to meet the hubby in her waiting room, so I stopped the sessions.

      Anyway, please Google any potential dates.

      • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by thesmiths.
    • February 7, 2021 at 12:32 am #65079
      sept4
      Participant

      Hi Funluv my ex husband has a criminal record too. He is a felon who went to prison for drugs. I knew about this but was so naive as to think that people can rehabilitate and deserve second chances.

      Well now of course he is involved in the drugs world and crime world again. He also has an illegal gun even though he is not allowed to carry a gun as a felon.

      I was afraid of him and that is one of the reasons that I did not fight him in court over the divorce. I knew he would explode in rage and retaliate if I stood up against him.

      But now that I am stronger I do regret not fighting. I wish I had gone to court and exposed everything he did. I wish I had fought for my legal rights.

    • February 7, 2021 at 11:52 pm #65088
      funluvmusic25
      Participant

      sept4- It is amazing how many similarities narcissistic sociopaths share. They seem to push the envelope and are definitely more reckless than the average person.

      We as vulnerable targets also share many similarities. I too feel people deserve second chances and try to look for the positive in everyone. Unfortunately, that’s exactly who they prey on.

      For most of my N’s criminal activity he was able to reduce felony sentences to misdemeanors, until he received his third DUI which is considered a “persistent felony DUI.”

      Some of his probation conditions were to abstain from alcohol, stay away from places serving alcohol, could not carry firearms, etc. As I put the dots together I now realize he did not follow any of these conditions.

      There were times when my gut told me something was not quite right, yet the constant chaos had me convinced I was being overly suspicious. I know better now to listen to my gut.

      I feel I’m lucky living 2 states away my N is way too lazy to travel here or threaten me in any way. He’s moved on to the next victim and will be quite content until he gets bored, needs a boost to his ego and go looking for another source of supply. And finally blocking his number has given me a sense of power for a change. I’m hoping this newfound confidence will keep me strong and avoid any relapse.

    • February 8, 2021 at 12:12 am #65089
      sept4
      Participant

      Funluv yes I think “revocation of conditional release” a/k/a violation of probation is actually one of the official factors on the O’Hare Psychopathy Checklist.

      Mine got a DUI too shortly around the time we broke up and his sister bailed him out of jail. He never told me about it. And he basically bought his way out of it with a lawyer.

    • February 8, 2021 at 12:43 am #65090
      funluvmusic25
      Participant

      sept4- Just checked out the O’Hare Checklist. OMG my ex N would be a definite yes to every single question. Good grief, I feel like the only goodness he displayed was what he was mirroring from me. What an exhausting way of living that must be!

      My N also claimed to have a “good” attorney. I’m certain my N spent most of his money on legal fees, restitution, supervised probation fees, fines, court costs, ignition locks, etc. No wonder he lived off women…..he had no money for normal living expenses.

      When I found the dates of his multiple DUI’s they too seemed to be around either a holiday like Christmas, which was an excuse to drink or a break-up from a marriage. In fact one December he got two DUI’s within a week or so of each other. What a train wreck!

    • February 8, 2021 at 12:22 pm #65095
      funluvmusic25
      Participant

      sept4- Another thing to add …..when confronted with a lie or details not adding up my ex quickly responded with, “that was in the past, I live in the present and don’t look back to past things that have taken place.” He always would tell me he was a very “private” person – translation meaning I was not allowed to ask him any questions and he had much to hide.

      I now realize- who would tell your newfound love interest you had a felony and a misdemeanor criminal past, served jail time, had multiple DUI’s, scammed an elderly lady out of her savings blah, blah, blah especially when he was able to figure out that I followed the rules of law and at most only had a speeding ticket occurring at least 5+ years back.

      Funny, they think they are really fooling us when most all of their records are public information. It reminds me of a favorite quote-“too soon old, too late smart.”

    • February 9, 2021 at 2:51 pm #65112
      monicapz
      Participant

      Dear Friends,

      Once was seriously dating someone (when I was young and did not know about narcissism and sociopathology), but I caught them in so many lies and I had invested so much in the relationship, that I hired a private investigator (PI), and I was stunned to learn so much (similar to here) and that the prior girlfriend to me also had them investigated by a PI!

      Also, I bumped up against their boss at a conference and the boss complained that they were a sexual harasser who was transferred to another department and was a sexual harasser there, too!

      Thank you for the education and I pray we all heal with Donna’s help!!

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