Having a Hell of an Easter! Can someone help?

Harry1997,

that fact that you searched & found your way to this wonderful site…leads me to believe that you know he is not a good person…and that he is a disordered person.

You state:

I had a text from him saying he’s sorry but he just uses me for sex and he’s ‘really bad’.

BELEIVE HIM…HE IS TELLING YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT HIM = HE IS A REALLY BAD PERSON”…

my ex said to me many times: “I’m not a good person like you”…and of course I would say “that’s not true, you can be a good person”…how wrong I was…he will NEVER be a good person…ever..their brain functions different then good peoples brains,,.they are always conning someone…or planning a con game…he wants something from his new target…just like he used you for sex after you broke up.

there is a saying: WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM!!

he not only showed you who he was…HE IS ALSO TELLING YOU WHO HE IS!! BELEIVE HIM!! RUN!!

My guess is that with him hiding so much from you about him leaving his job…is that he has been cheating on you for some time or at least courting his latest victim.

Instead of looking at this other woman as the reason why your relationship ended….stay focused on the fact he is a pathological liar, cheater & masterful manipulator.

Makes me wonder if he manipulated his current victim out of her 10 year relationship..as this is what sociopaths do. THey love to play cat & mouse with good people, and manipulating someone out of a marriage or long term relationship is just “fun” for them…for us to see this we would lable it “sick & twist insane”.

Know that sociopaths use “sociopath smear campaign” & “sociopath triangulation” to manipulated everyone & get them fighing each other, so that no one sees that they are being maipulated & the sociopath can control & have power over everyone.LOOK UP THESE TWO TERMS ON LOVEFRUAD..DOnna has written many articles on these two sociopath manipuation terms.

No doubt this guy has used these tactics with his latest victim to keep you and his current victim from comparing notes of his horrible behavior.

I would advise that you do not talk to her…unless you cross paths unexpectedly and she wants to talk. or she reaches out to you.

As for you & this guy…read up on the ‘NO CONTACT RULE” HERE on lovefraud & the net. this is the rule you need to follow with this sociopath. They wil always bomarange back into a victims life over and over for something…sex, money, a place to stay etc…like he has been doing with you. THis is who they are = users & mental game players.

I’m sorry that you have endured this guys mental & emotional abuse = YES this is what you endured ABUSE…this is why you are confused = which is a top RED FLAG you are dealing with a disorder person. Lookup what is “Emotional & mental abuse” on your countries national domestic violence website.

Please know his latest victim was a blessing for you to escape his evil grips. Take this time to heal from the nightmare you have endured…read everything here on LF this site is literally a saving Grace..and has all your answers.

Keep posting questions here. sending you huge hugs 💜💜💜..not easy to end a 5 year relationship especially with a disordered individual & trying to figure out WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

Glad you found your way to Lovefraud.

harry1997 – I am so sorry for your experience. Relationships with sociopaths are confusing, and so are breakups. Here’s what you need to keep in mind – sociopaths are incapable of love, they are only capable of using you. Unfortunately, he’s been using you all along, and would probably do it again if you give him a chance. No Contact is the solution.

Actually, I’m very glad that he got a new job. At least you don’t have to deal with him at work.

About “saying something” – I wasn’t quite sure who you were referring to. If it’s the new woman, I have a slightly different take from Jan – sometimes a warning is a good idea, in my opinion. But only if you can do it safely. There is a lot to consider. I made a video about this not long ago – maybe it will help you.

Donna, great video. YES…I am all for telling the psychopaths current victim who she is dealing with… this hopefully would open up the victims mind to RUN or at least a conversation with the current target will plant seeds.

My concern with this disordered individual, is that, if he left his job on good terms & was chummy with the boss prior to the boss…he could easily create a smear campaign against her and get her fired just by calling her boss or getting together with the boss outside of work at a party or in passing.

This guy she is dealing with is very sneaky.

I dont know…what do you think Harry & Donna??

Hi Harry,
I totally get how you must be feeling right now. You sound very empathetic and its normal to want to warn the new one.
I’ve been through this so I’ll share my thoughts and hope it helps.
When I had proof that my BPD was messing with someone else I was totally heartbroken, I wanted to scream to the world what he’d done to me. He denied it and tried manipulating me into not speaking with her saying I’d look crazy and obsessed with him. I left it a few months, all the time working with them both and watching him flit between her and me. He eventually changed jobs, I truly believe to get himself away from the impending blow up he had instigated. Then after having some messages which were very obviously meant for her, or made to look that way, I went to talk to her, I admit to warn her (she was in an even more vulnerable place than me) but also hoping for answers which would prove I wasn’t cracking up or being paranoid. She had been warned beforehand, she denied it, she accused me of being obsessed with him and then continued to ask ME questions about my relationship with him, all the time getting upset but still denied it, I chose not to tell her I had proof. I knew she was lying,but also knew that she was under the same spell as I was and between him and me it was him she was going to believe, after all she was in the first throes of wonderful love and will have been told all the same wooing words that I had.
If you decide to talk to her be sure of your own reasons first. I wanted answers so that I had something definite enough to be able to walk away and move on, but I didn’t get them. The woman tried to get me fired at work for causing her upset. It didn’t happen but had it come to it I would have produced my proof. My point being, I didn’t want to hurt her, I only wanted answers and to warn her. The answers didn’t come from her, nor did she want to be warned. she found out the hard way in her own time and I got to watch whilst she tried humiliating him in a crowd for all the trouble and hurt HE had caused her.
Always keep yourself and your own reputation safe.
If you really feel it would be for her benefit and not yours, try sending a gentle msg saying hey if you ever want to talk to me I’m good with it and leave it at that.
I know how hard it is, but she won’t want to believe you, she will have been told you’re jealous, can’t let go etc.
Try your hardest to keep your head up and one day when you’ve moved on, and you will, you will get to watch.
Take care of you.

Harry I think its likely they are more than friends,especially as you said he was more forceful in the bedroom, if that was unusual for you it’s a huge red flag. Its also likely that the cruel text he sent was done whilst she was present, a sick way of showing her you mean nothing to him although I could be wrong. Its unusual for these people to apologise for doing something cruel even in the face of ‘ hey at least I’ve been honest’..They are never honest.
If they are only friends which is doubtful as he’s ended it with you cruelly, suddenly and un necessarily just for a friend, then at this point she won’t feel she needs warning anyway.
She will see her own red flags and if you know her she may come to you at some point.

Harry this guy is a serious abuser and a danger to your mental wellbeing. It can take months or even years to get through the mental torture you’ve endured. You mention vaguely in another post where you live, there are services available with help for counselling which are free. Your GP Clinic can advise you.
I know it really hurts, but please know there is nothing wrong with you, you have been manipulated, gaslighted and used because you are a lovely trusting person. No man who loves you even as a friend would do these things to you.
He will do the same to the next one and the next.
Your journey to getting through it may take a while and even back pedal sometimes, but you can do it. Take each day at a time, read about disorders if you need help in realising what he is, but the one thing we are all given at birth is gut instinct. When we love, we ignore our instinct, we as good natured people find it hard to imagine that we’re involved with someone disordered and always optimistically believe we can change them.
This person has shown you what he is, a cruel abuser who is using your weakest vulnerability (eating disorder) against you to make you look crazy, something he likely caused himself. He is wired up wrong.
That is not someone who even has any empathy never mind the ability to love. Someone who loves you would support you with it and not use it against you.
You did all you could for him but he wasn’t worthy of your love.
Now it’s time for you. Tell yourself every day that you are worthy of someone who is with you all the way and puts you first.
Because you are.

You are going to get through this. There’s a beautiful life for you beyond him. He is sick and a predator. He will never change. You trusted him and loved him because you are a loving person. It’s time to love yourself and move on. ❤

I am sorry about it Harry 🙁 But you know what – it’s better to finish relationships before marry, and with the childs. I just found good article about Communication Strengths and Weaknesses – https://blablawriting.net/communication-strengths-and-weaknesses-essay
I think you have to read this article, as there i found answers on your problem. Good luck with the new love.