Destroyed

Hi samauri – your post name reminded me of those great ancient warriors. That person was obviously a very well versed con artist. He reminds me of Donna Anderson’s ex husband that she wrote a book about – his horrific con and the money he basically embezzled from her. I think it was her first book called “ Love Fraud “. I think it would bring you solace to read it, and help so you will not feel any self blaming. And you are absolutely not to blame at all, because of everything that you described. You are taking the right steps of moving and moving forward to start again. Find and read books about those noble samauri and take that stance within yourself. You and your wife sound like you are both empath’s who bring care and healing to others. That was taken advantage of because those con sociopaths have no heart and target those with good hearts. Yet, while you are going through this tremendous transition, take on the characteristics of being an inner warrior. I think that is the way that you will be able to keep your psychological equilibrium. Be like a general and know that loosing a battle does not mean that the war is lost. Keep your strength up in all ways. Be sure to post about anything you wish to convey.
Blessings

theresamariel – I know how it feels when everything is collapsing – I’ve been there. Having been through it and come out the other side, I can tell you that the emotional trauma was actually worse than the practical problems that I faced. I was broke, in debt – but the worst part was how I beat myself up.

I am telling you this not to minimize your experience – it is awful – but to remember that wise saying, “This too shall pass.” Somehow you will find a way through it.

So be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time to process your emotions – and just keep going. It will be messy, but you can get through it.

Hi theresamarie,

I’m so sorry that you and your family were conned by a manipulative con artist psychopath. Being conned brings you to your knees broken, depressed full of anxiety & helplessness. It’s a shock literally to your fight, flight & freeze body’s response system (adrenal fatigue) our minds feel like it has exploded and our heart completely broken.

YOU ARE GOING TO SURVIVE THIS NIGHTMARE…I promise you this…you have started the healing process with your post here on Lovefraud (huge step!!) and knowing that you were dealing with a evil psychopaths!!

⭐️You should be so proud of yourself for seeing thru this evil persons con game. Yes, it took some time…but now you see the truth = that he is pure evil and you did the right thing by implementing the “NO CONTACT RULE” (look up here on lovefraud)

⭐️You should be so incrediblely proud of yourself for reseraching for answers to this evil guys horrible behavior.

⭐️You should be so proud of yourself for finding lovefraud and posting your post. This take courage!!

I know that you feel like your life & world have fallen apart.

But, you can and WILL rise from these ashes.

My advise to you is:

1) Take care of your health ASAP

The stress you are under now is wreaking havoc on your adrenal glands, body, mind & spirt. Our adrneal glands is our fight, flight and freeze response mode. And with undue stress such as dealing with a lying con artist psychopath our adrneals continously pump out massive amounts of adrenaline and cortisol which cause stress, anxiety, depression, mood swings, sleep issues, feeling like we will never survive, etc etc (the symptoms list is long)

Most victims of a sociopath/psychopath end up with adrenal fatigue (look up)…this is curable. PLease look up Dr Lam. com and Adrenal fatigue. org for adrenal fatigue full list of systems. See also yt chan Dr Berg videos on adrneal fatigue. (my doctor gave me Dr Wilson’s adrenal fatigue vitamins when I left my ex a psychopath…by adrenal glands had been in the flight, fight, freeze mode for over 12 years with this evil psychopath) (pls know I have no affiliation to those sites above just passing info on for you to look up if you wish)

Change your diet to a very healthy diet there are many such as Keto keto or medaterrian diet etc to flood your body with much needed vitamins & minerals which will help also to heal your body from this major stress you are under…see yt chanS: Dr Berg, Dr Eckberg, Dr Mindy pelz. = they have excellent info on adrenal fatigue.

Cut out sugar & bad carbs (cakes, cookies, pasta etc)

cut out alcohol or drugs see Lovefraud articles on why not to drink alcohol for do drugs when you are in this shocked state and healing process.

Obviously check with your doctor first before changing your diet.

FEEL YOUR FEELINGS dont push them down..Donna (Lovefruad) has many articles on this topic also for you to read. It’s ok to cry, it’s ok to get angry (do not directed it at anyone though), it’s ok to be in a shocked state…this is part of the healing process.

Good men cry…never forget that!! It’s ok for you to cry. Our body’s & brain know how to heal…and part of healing it to let these emotions out. If you stuff down your emotions down the road they will perculate up. So let them out.

Get paper out or a journal and start venting in your journal. Just write especially before bed so that you can clear your mind and sleep well (which is usually hard if you are stressed out)

Look up “Benifits of epson salt baths” on y t & net. Epson salt is full of magnesium which is a natural relaxer and our bodies need magnesium to keep us calm. If you dont have a bath just get a bucket and soak your feet in the bucket before bed or any time you are over stressed. This will cause you to feel sleepy and help with sleep. check with your doctor if you are on Rx. You can find epson salt in the grocery store near the phamacy section or in walmart in the bath section $4-6 for a bag.

Donna Anderson of lovefraud has excellent info on this site’s home page to help you heal so pls look that over show your wife too. You can also call Donna for a small fee. She has help many many many people to heal.

WHAT EVER YOU DO, DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU ARE ALONE…OPEN UP TO YOUR WIFE, YOUR CLOSEST FREINDS…COME HERE AND VENT OUT YOUR EMOTIONS AND SOMEONE WILL POST BACK TO YOU. Do it daily if you need to. WE all have been in your same emotional state and same fiancial position. Like Donna (lovefruad) I lost everything to a psychoapth that I was married to. The first time I met him I thought he was crazy literally…but, these evil type are so masterful at manipulating everyone into their con game…normally with a sob story to suck us into feeling sorry for them. But, they have many mind games.

The first few months are very hard to deal with the stress from our minds going over & over everything the psychoapth did and said and then of course we get emotional for not seeing the truth sooner or listining to our gut feeling the second we met them.

But, this too will all pass. I dont even think about my ex..I am just thankful he is out of my life for good, I am thankful for finding Lovefraud and being able to vent & heal here. You will too. So keep reading everything here.

Look up here on Lovefraud:

gas lighting abuse

sociopath smear campaign

sociopath triangulation

DO NOT LET THIS PSYCHOPATH HAVE CONTROL OVER YOU & YOUR WIFE NOW…how do you do that?

You HEAL..YOU TAKE BACK YOUR POWER FROM THIS SOB…you become a stronger old self, you stay emotionally close to your wife and keep your marrige strong by not shutting down emotionally & mentally.

Look up at the top of Lovefraud for the “book store” there are many books that Donna has written that are excellent to read to truly understand the hell you endured.

YOU WILL NOT ONLY SURVIVE THIS NIGHTMARE CHAPTER IN YOUR LIFE BUT YOU WILL TRIVE AGAIN. It does not happen over night…one day at a time…some days one hour or minute at a time. BUt, you will survive.

Keep reading everything on lovefraud. Im sorry the lawyer is not educated about psychopath con artist. I would suggest you buy one of Donna’s books on psychopaths and give it to the lawyer to fully undestand what you need him to understand so he can fully help you. OR find a new lawyer who understand what con artist do.

NEVER EVER FORGET THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE…REACH OUT TO DONNA, POST QUESTIONS & VENT HERE ON LOVEFRAUD, OPEN UP TO YOUR WIFE AND CLOSEST FRIENDS. If you belong to a church reach out to the Pastor.

Send you & your wife huge hugs!! 💜💜💜

ps here are some great subject to look up on you tube…camper van conversations and also Tiny homes = if you are worried about keeping a roof over your head there are options for you that you can think about…you might just have to think out side the box which is never a bad thing.

Also, check with your local government to see if you can get finacially assistance for a place to live, food, electric bill etc. You have paid your taxes (prior to this con artist) and now you have a right to tap into these resources if you & your family needs help in this area. DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED OR EMBARRASSED..you & your wife have worked hard and have finacally contributed to these programs via taxes prior to meeting this con artist.

take care 🌺

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Jan7.

*oops camper van conversion (not conversation lol)

Hello and I’m very sorry this happened to you. I think you should report him to the FBI because those are financial crimes. I also think you should sue him in civil court for damages.

You were victimized by a con man and those are financial crimes. It is not just something to handle with therapy etc. It should be reported to law enforcement.

Hi theresamarie1,

I have read about people that were in your position with taxes…pls know that you can negotiate a deal with the IRS. YES..un paid taxes can be negotiated! Look this up on the net and you tube I’m sure there is info..maybe books on Amazon or at the library too.

I’m not sure how you do negotiate with the IRS..thru an accountant, lawyer or both ?? I believe if my memory is correct there are companies that specilize in this type of IRS tax negotiation. Make sure you check the better business bueruo to see if the company is ligit.

You are doing amazing steps to heal…not only calling a hotline (which you sould be so proud of doing this step), but also finding a therapist and working with accounts & lawyers. This is all overwhelming when under so much stress..but, you are literally weeding thru the forest to find the right path.

Read up on Lovefraud about “tapping to heal” articles. These are very interesting and it has scientific backing.

You have a good head on your shoulders. You might feel emotional and not realizing that you are making great steps but, you are. Stay strong!! 💪 You’ve got this!! 👏 One day the pain will go away and you and your wife will not even think about this nightmare chapter in your life…you will have healed and will be in a good place in life again.

I agree with Sept 4 about going to the FBI (maybe with a lawyer). For now you can go to the FBI website and do a criminal search on this guy to see if he is listed already. And also call the Better business bureau and file a complaint against them an see if there are any complains on him. This way you help someone in the future to avoid a nightmare by this con artist.

Keep posting, asking questions and venting. It’s part of the healing process.

take care.🌺

one last thing make sure your therapist truely understand psychopath abuse..most do not = Donna has articles on this. IF this theapist does not have a strong back ground in this field then find a new theripist. And guide that theripist to Lovefraud.

yes. Sept4 is correct call the police and ask them to do a search on this guy. You & your wife are NOT his first target victims.

I read after leaving my ex (a psychoapth) these evil types have 100 + victims. And, most of the time these evil types try to boomerang back into a past victims life. This is why it’s so vitally important to educate yourself here at lovefraud, books, you tube vids (donna has a Lovefraud channel) so that you are strong minded so if he tries to come back into your lives you can just slam the door shut. just so you know..he might not ever try this..but, many do.

Yes I think if you report him with the FBI for financial crimes and you get a record of that, it could help you in civil court too and with your taxes. That way you have some formal paper describing the con and that you reported it.

As I’ve said in other posts these sociopaths routinely lie cheat steal manipulate etc. Most of that behavior is not a crime unfortunately. But when it comes to stealing money and lying to embezzle money etc yes those are crimes. Those financial crimes should be reported to law enforcement so the sociopath will be stopped and will be held accountable.

Theresamariel – A Lovefraud reader suggests that this might help you deal with tax issues:

https://www.supermoney.com/quotes/tax-relief?aff_id4=gethelpforirsdebt&title=tdf&aff_id=1062&utm_source=Adwords&utm_medium=ppc&utm_campaign=tax-forgiveness-broad&utm_adgroup=irs-forgive-debt-broad&utm_term=irs%20forgive%20debt&aff_sub=tax-forgiveness-broad&aff_sub2=irs-forgive-debt-broad&aff_sub3=irs%20forgive%20debt&sitetarget=&device_category=desktop&ad=549347071827&network=search&PPCPN=8335151031&gclid=Cj0KCQiA95aRBhCsARIsAC2xvfzJF9SBIcQ3I9gvsMbi1Q2qa_M8BJ5PzMwuGwhtern_oSI1T2KglYsaAsgkEALw_wcB

Hi theresamariel,

I’m sorry that you had a hard day yesterday. Those type of days are the days you have to regroup and take one minute at a time.

Please DO NOT LET THIS SOCIOPATH that you both got tangled up with destroy your marriage. You must be consciously aware of how your emotions affect your wife and vise verse when healing from a sociopath. The best way to do this is to express your feelings in a kind & respectful way towards each other. Set some ground rules when discussing this sociopath and what he has done to your emotionally & finacially so that you dont fight. Take time outs…tell each other you need a time out and go take a bath to relax or read a book or take a walk around the neighborhood just to clear your mind so that you both can logically sit down & talk out your game plan of building your life back up again. this is not easy to do…but, again you both have to be consciously aware of how you are affecting each other with the tremendous amount of stress you are dealing with.

It’s easy to take your anger out on others when going thru the griefing stage of losing everything… the best thing to do instead is write your thoughts down on paper and not express them in anger towards others. Anger at your wife (or vise versa) only makes the situation worse..you are not solving any of your issues caused by this evil sociopath by fighting. BOTH OF YOUR GOAL NOW IS TO SOLVE EACH PROBLEM that was created by this evil socipath = rebuilding your bank account, jobs etc.

Sociopath want to destroy other peoples entire life…by stealing their money, home, car, jobs AND destroying their marriages & releationshps. This is why you and your wife MUST RISE UP AND JOIN FORCES TO HEAL TOGETHER. DO NOT LET THIS SOCIOPATH DESTROY YOUR MARRAIGE. he has taken so much but, to lose your marraige on top of everything that you have lost would be the greatest lose you both will ever endure.

Bank accounts can be filled up again, a home can be bought again, a car can be purchased, etc etc but, a marraige like what you guys have built (prior to this sociopath, during the relationship and now) can not be replaced so easiy. My advise is to go to the library and each of you pick out a book on marraige & how to stay strong together (or the book store) and read them together every evening 5 or 10 pages a evening and talk about it but, dont fight before bed. Two every good marriage book is

1) The 5 languages of Love by Gary Champman = his is an excellent book to remind us that we each have a different way of feeling loved. And if spouses dont understand their spouses love then you will most likely fight.

2) Getting Love right by Terrene T Gorski

What you guys are going thur is obviously a shared experience however, you both are going to process it differently…one because man/woman differ in the way they solving problems, genentics, childhood background etc So dont feel like have to do this alone. There are many books at the library to help get thus this extremley tough time in your marraige. Years from now you will know that this time in your life was extremely stressful on you both individual and your marriage..however, you will also know that you are STRONGER TOGETHER and that you can make it thru any kind of storm that comes up.

Hug your wife and ask her to hug you back. 💜 One day at a time…some days one minute or one hour at a time.

Hope you are doing better today. You & your wife are stronger then you know..and are stronger together.

Take care.

ps look up:

Five grieving stages…each of you are going to go thru these stages..some stages several times. What you are going thru is overwhelming and your body physically is releasing a ton of cortisol and adrenline which is hard on the mind/thinking.

Understanding these stages of grief will help you both to understand what you are emotionally & mentally dealing with but, also your spouse is dealing with.

you will also be triggered easily by what the sociopath has done. So understanding what is truely causing you anger specifically at the time will also help the situation and hopefully not cause any fights.

Every victim of a sociopath has triggers, something that normally would not cause distress to you is now causing you distressful thougths or anger or sadness = read articles here on lovefraud about triggers. THese triggers will settle down with time and when your body over time heals from the high levels of cortisol and adrenline.

When you do get emotional (anger, sad, helplessness) try to pin point what your thoughts are …and then try to think about what the sociopath said in the past or did to you that is causing this trigger moment.

just wanted to add that you and your wife are most likely suffering from PTSD. Most victims of a socioapth suffer from PTSD during/after a relationship with a sociopath.

YES…PTSD…you can get ptsd from a car crash, health issues, being in a abusive relationship (which both you & your wife WERE in a emotional/mental/verbal/finacial abusive relationship with this evil sociopath).

What can you do about the PTSD you are suffering from…get your health back in order. Go back up to my first post and look up everything that I posted with your wife. And then formulate a plan for you both to get your health back in order. Take vitamins B complex, D, Magnesium, C, Zinc, Multi vitamins to flood your body with much needed vitamins that have been depleted because of the stress you are under. Watch Dr Berg you tube vids on D then watch his vids on B vitamins, Zinc etc. They are full of vulnerable info to help heal the body and most improtantly heal the PTSD/stress you are dealing with. This will all calm your body & mind.

Did you know that 75% of world citizens are deficient in B, D, Z, magnesium? This will causes anxiety, depression, racing mind, sleep issues etc

See also you tube vid “Dr Danial Amen Depression”…he is a brain expert that recommends exercise VS anti depressants. Very powerful vids. he also has books at the library for you to read. After dinner ask your wife to go for a walk with you around your neighborhood or a park. Dont talk about anything execpt the trees, flowers, sunset, clouds, birds, dogs etc. This will help to calm your mind down. Also, if you can when you wake up go for a walk. This will help to get blood flowing to your brain = helps with depression. Dont run as you are under a tremendous amount of stress and you dont want to damage your adrenal glands any further.

One day at a time…you’ve got this. YOU & YOUR WIFE are stronger then you realize!! 🦆🦢🌞⛅️🌲🌳🐕 ps do not give up on life…this is just one chapter in your amazing life…the rest of the chapters will be wonderful…this hard time WILL PASS..and you will be a stronger version of your old self…you will be successful financially again..you have the tools to be strong & successful again..How do I know this? YOu and your wife were successful before the sociopath…there is a good life in your future again. Take care.

Hi Theresamariel –
The advise that Jan7 was totally spot on and so comprehensive. She mentioned reading books together, so I have a suggestion to add to the ones that she mentioned in her post. It is called “ Why Couples Fight “ by Mira Kirshenbaum. She has written deep and understanding books through the years and has counseled thousands of couples as a psychotherapist who deals with couples therapy. She believes that this book is the very best and ultimate book she has ever written because it is her last and encompasses all of her wisdom about how couples can keep love alive and how to deal with obstacles to that end. She has very practical techniques that you and your wife can use and that will bring you much peace. I recognize that you are in such a difficult situation due to the psychopath having made havoc with your finances, and your emotions. This is such an extreme challenge for even one person to go through, and it is compounded because there are both of you needing to process and heal at the same time. Jan7 really pointed out to recognize that your marriage is something that you definitely do not want to allow him to destroy on top of everything else he did. But I really do advise Mira Kirshenbaum’s book because it will help you to be able to work as a team in dealing with all you are going through.
Blessings to you and your wife.

Theresamurie. Hope you are reading the good advice