The Audacity

K. Sorry you are going through this. You did nothing to deserve this It sounds like your husband is a psychopath. They seduce. devalue and discard. Their brains are not normal. They lack a conscience. There is alot of information here. It is good to get educated about the disorder Blessings

Knelson77- you ask ” Why do these people exist and what did I do to deserve it?!” The answer is, of course – it wasn’t you. And no one deserves to be treated like this. Your only fault was in trusting him – but how could you ever have known that was a mistake? These types are very practiced at getting what they want by any means necessary. You were just another victim in his line of fire. Once he took all he wanted or could get, he was off to a “bigger better thing”. Now it is your turn to thrive and shine and be your own bigger better thing. You have taken the right first steps — reading Donna’s book, going through the posts on this website, asking questions of those of us who have been there, done that. You will get past this and be so much better than before. You are strong, have a great heart and good head. And the fact that you are outraged at his behavior – well – that is great. Anger, outrage, disgust — all good starts to the healing process. What happened is in no way a reflection of you. It is all about him and always was. Hope this site can give you some good advice on how to get him out of your life forever. Blessings.

knelson77 – I am so sorry for your experience. Lots of people here at Lovefraud understand what you’re going through, because we’ve all been there. I hope you’ll find a lot of understanding here.

Knelson77, I’m so sorry that you endured such a nightmare at the hands of a sociopath. Painful is an understatement when finally waking up to the truth of what you have been entangled up with (a evil sociopath). SENDING YOU HUGE HUGE HUGS!! 💜💜💜

What a true blessing that your mother’s friends stepped up and helped you by handing you Donna’s books which guided you to Donna & Terry’s amazing education & supportive website Lovefraud.

This site has ALL your answers to your ex’s horrible behavior & ABUSE you endured. So be sure to read everything. Getting educated is a huge part of the healing process into understanding what you endured and how to avoid these evil sociopath in your future. These sociopaths are every where literally. They are blending in to society and because we were not educated we got sucked into their disfucional evil chaotic drama filled life and then get spit out with no regard. Like your ex just did to you.

What your ex did to you by throwing you out of the home (which you will learn is a HUGE HUGE HUGE Blessing) is called “Idolize, devalue, discard” (look this term up here on lovefraud up at the top). This is what ALL sociopaths do to their victims. It’s a very stealth from of manipulation to break down their target victims spirt for life so that they can control their target victim fully. Very scary and disheartening to deal with this kind of emotional & mental abuse.

DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU WERE IN A VERY EMOTIONAL & MENTALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?

Also look up here on Lovefraud & net:

Gas lighting abuse

Sociopath smear campaign

Sociopath triangulation

No contact rule

These terms are more evil stealth forms of mind control *(aka brain washing) and ways these evil sociopaths mind control victims and control them.

REMEMBER ALL ABUSERS (SOCIOPATHS) ULTAMATE GOAL IS TO HAVE POWER & CONTROL OVER THEIR TARGET VICTIMS.

Donna has excellent articles on this power & control. In addition look up the National Domestic Violence hotline and read up on “What is emotional abuse” and also Read on their site “Domestic Violence power & control wheel” this is what abusers do = cyle of abuse. One minute they are love bombing you, then a calm stage, then maybe later that day or days/weeks later they switch to verbally putting you down or getting very angry with you, then abusing you fully then back to Love bombing and the cyle keeps repeating making us walk on egg shells daily.

Very scary to deal with this type of person Know that it’s ALL DONE ON PURPOSE to control you. To keep you walking on egg shells = control. When you are walking on egg shells around sociopaths it’s intentional also to keep your anxiety level up (stressed out = health goes down = more control over victims) and also to make you think that you can not do anything right and you become more & more & more dependant on the abuser. Your relationship becomes more like a Parent (socipaths role and a child (victims role) and this is how so many victims get trapped thinking they can not leave and fell “stuck” in the relationship.

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR ESCAPING YOUR ABUSER…FOR GOING TO YOUR MOTHER FOR HELP & A PLACE TO LIVE…FOR LISTENING WITH A OPEN MIND TO YOUR MOTHERS FRIEND AND READING DONNA ANDERSONS BOOK that she gave you = YOU SHOULD GIVE YOURSELF A HUGE HUGE, HIGH 5 AND PAT ON YOUR BACK FOR DOING ALL OF THIS. You are a strong minded person…you are listening to your gut instincts which are very strong!! 💪👏😊

It is not easy to leave a abuser…on avg it takes a victim 6-9 times (according to the National Domestic Hotline stats) to leave her abuser for go. REMEMBER THIS IF HE TRIES TO EDGE HIS WAY BACK INTO YOUR LIFE DONT LET HIM IN) I beleive it’s because victims are not educted on Who abusers are = narcissist, sociopaths & psychopaths and they keep going back for more abuse.

YOU ARE GETTING EDUCATED to prevent him from using lying & manipulative words to suck you back into that nightmare you endured now with Donna’s book & posting here at lovefraud…so that you have the strenght to know your ex is extremely toxic to your mindset & health and to avoid these evil people in the future including your ex if he attempts to contact you in the future to woo you back into his trap & abuse. Sociopaths often attempt to come back into a past target victims life days later/weeks/months/years later if they dont have a source (victim) to control or they need money, sex, home etc

SO BEWARE OF THIS…Block him on your phone, social media, tell friends & family to block him too NOW. And if he ends up getting intouch with you Hang up or if he shows up at your home call the police. follow the NO CONTRACT RULE (look this up here on lovefraud, you tube vid (Lovefraud has a excellent you tube channel).

You know ALL his words are nothing but, lies & manipulation…he is a CON MAN trying to sucker you back into his con game. This is why you have to educate yourself by reading Donna’s book over and over and reading all her articles here on lovefraud to LITERALLY open your mind up from his brain washing & mind control that he has over you right now.

READ READ READ EVERYTHING HERE ON LOVEFRAUD & DONNA’S BOOK WHEN YOU ARE CRYING, ANGRY AT HIM, SAD etc..this really does help to open your mind. I literally would cry hours and hours a day when I first left my ex h a sociopath. Not because I missed him but, because my mind was perculating up all the abuse, lies etc he had inflicted on me. It horrible to go thru what you are experiencing now = the emotional roller coaster in your mind.

But it’s part of the process of healing. SO LET THE TEARS OUT, if you are angry dont take it out on your family instead get paper & pen out and vent your feeling out or come here and vent out everything. I did this and it really does help to calm the mind especially before bed.

I’ll write more later.

WE HERE YOU AND BELIEVE YOU💜💜💜

Take care.

Hi K – there has been much learning and understanding that thankfully has made people aware of the dynamics of an abuser. These sociopaths ( from so many people coming out to tell their stories ) have been discovered to have so many commonalities of vile behavior. We have discovered the stages of what they put an innocent person through – being : 1. Idealize – and the love bombing and the charm and all of that, then 2. Devalue – how they deliberately do everything they can to destroy their partner’s self esteem, feelings of worth and self love, …. And then when they think they have accomplished shredding someone’s heart, then 3. They just discard that person like they were trash which if there was any self regard left at all, then that would knock out any residue of a self to come home to. – You definitely went through this hell. Then there was another thing your ex did, that I have heard about over and over – how they will isolate their partner as much as possible so they can accomplish the devalue stage. And particularly about getting the person to move far away from any support system. So that was yet another item on your ex’s check list. It is so bewildering how they all seem to enact the exact same scenario. But also realize that now that we know what it is that they do, more and more information is coming out about how to get back what they have tried to destroy. And I say try, because as low and horrific a person has felt or feels, it has been found that the damage can be undone and happiness and love can come back into one’s heart. All their manipulations cannot succeed if a person takes the steps to undo the damage. So like the other participants have been saying, an important step is to get educated which you are already doing. And to go “ No Contact “ ( please read about what that entails). But beware, because another of their tactics is called “ Hoovering “ which means that as you start to perk up and feel better, they will try to insinuate themselves back into your life, press the reset button, put on the charm, and then they try to get the whole process back again to destroy you. So be aware of that and don’t fall for it, by remaining in strict No Contact. I’m sorry that you are going through this, but just remember that you can put up a fight within your own self to rectify it all.
Blessings

Know also your husband cheating had NOTHING to do with you…this is what they do. I told my counselor after I left I thought my ex h cheated on me 8-12 times. She told me that it was more likely 4 times that amount because that is what sociopaths do = serial cheat on their spouse then blame their spouse. This blaming the victim is a lie. This is all again about power & control over their primary victim (you) so they dont leave their abuser. Blaming the victim is just one tool in their manipulative tool bag 🔨. Even if he “kicked you out” of your home it’s still about power and control to keep you on the hook incase this new primary target victim dumps him…this is why it is so imperative for you to get educate, healthy again from the stress you have been under and break your mind free from his control.

Most likely he has a new “source of attention” (new target victim) on the hook this is why he discarded you. Normally a sociopath will always have a few victims in their grips (serial cheating) and normally do not discard a victim unless they have had a target victim in their grips for some time = he has most likely been cheating on you again for some time. She has something he wants = money, just sex, connection, better home, etc

If you have access to his phone bill you will see this. But do not call her...do your healing instead. He has already used “sociopath triangulation” and “smear campagin with her against you = bad mouthing you so that she never contacts you and finds out the truth = he abused you and her. Or when you call her she will protect him and use the lies he told her about you so she unknownly abuses you again. So dont contact her. But, you will see the phone number over and over on the bill. This helps to give closure on the relationship to look at the bill but, not to call anyone. When I finaally escaped I found that my ex was cheating with 3 different women in 2 different states (possible 5 total women = shocking but, it was the final straw that helped me to say ENOUGHT I deserve better then what I am setting for. I never went back but, I also educated myself to make sure I never took his bait. He knows now never to contact me. I will just hang up on him or call the police.

Know that she is also a victim also so where the other women he had affairs with.

DO NOT let him triangulation you against these other women by blaming them…it’s ALL part of their con game. My ex had a 2 year affair with a co-worker which I did call him out on it only to have my head spun around with lies & deception and further break me now emotionally. This is what they do…he then Blame shifting (look up this term here on lovefraud) and attempt to Hover me (like Polestar stated) back into the hellish relationship it worked stayed another 7 years (horrific)… DO NOT take your ex’s manipulative the bait if he attempts to come back follow the No contact rule… my ex sucked me back into by getting “friends” to help him of course he lied about everything to them….it was all abuse, power & control over me which got worse after I went back to him. this is common with every victim that goes back to her abusers. Dont be one of the victims that keeps going back to her abuser 6-9 times. Just keep reading, asking questions & venting here at lovefraud to break your mind free from his brain washing.

Good post from Donna, Polestar 18, Emilie & Sunnygal. Stay strong hon. You will get thru this storm and come out stronger then you are now. ONE day at a time…some days one minute at a time. 🌸🌼🌸 When you get stressed out put your hand on your heart and slow your breathing down & just focus on your breathing. 💪💜

Hope you have a Happy Easter today 🐣🐇🐰with your family. take care.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Jan7.

K You are definitely on the right path!!!

Hi Knelson,

Donna just wrote a blog post a few days ago on a “Divorce” book review. This book might be a good read for you. Just go to the top of Lovefraud and click on “Blog” & you will find the article post there for that book.

Marrige to a sociopath is hell…divorcing one is the bottom of hell. So brace yourself for a very bumpy road in court.

If you can Find a lawyer that understands domestic abuse so they will protect you in court. Focus on your health including looking up adrenal fatigue. Most victims who escape a sociopath have PTSD and part of healing this is looking after your health including Adreneal fatigue. Some good sites are Dr Lam. com and Adrenal fatigue. When I escaped my doctor gave me Dr Wilson’s adrenal fatigue victims (which are high in vitimin B) they worked quickly to calm my stress levels & anxiety.

Those two sites have good info but, you can find “adrenal fatigue” vitimins at your local health store also. And your library may have their books or other free books on adrenal fatigue.

epson salt baths before going to bed help with anxiety. You can find epson salt in the cosmetic section of walmart or pharmacy section (ie shampoo area) for $5. If you are taking any Rx check with your doctor. Look up “Epson salt bath benifits” on you tube/net and also you can take magnesium vitamins/minerals found in the vitamin section of any store to calm your nerves. Our bodies need Magnesium to stay calm and most people are deficient in magnesium, D (needed for the brain to think) and Zinc (good for our immune system). So look into all of these you tube channel Dr Berg has good vids on each of these minerals/vitamins. And look for Dr bergs vids on Adrneal fatigue.

(I have no affliation to those two sites just did my reserach after my doctor gave me dr wilson’s vitamins and found those two sites with good info to understand why I had so much anxiety)

Dr Daniel Amen videos and books are also good = library will have his books. His you tube channel is Amen Clinc. He seems like a kind guy. His Ted. com talk on depression is good also.

Getting your health back from all the stress you have been under and will go under with the divorce proceedings should be on the top of your list now.

Wishing you all the best. So proud of you for reading Donna’s book and having the courage to post here. And, so proud of your mother for welcoming you back into a safe haven and her amazing friend for having the mindset to hand you Donna’s book. You have a strong tribe of matriarchs around you!! What a blessing 💜☘️

K When you are comfortable, let know how you are doing Blessings

Hope you are doing well!

Again hope you are doing well