Having to continue working with a sociopath I was dating and living with

uffda713: It sounds like he is purposely taunting – or stalking – you. Do you have to interact with him when he comes to the office? If not, then find someplace else to be when he walks in – someone else’s office, the breakroom, the bathroom. Get your coworkers on your side, if possible. They can warn you if he does show up so you can disappear or be busy with other things.

If you do have to deal with him, maintain your professionalism and give him the “grey rock” treatment – deliberately avoid eye contact, show no emotion, use as few words as possible. He is looking for a reaction. These types ALWAYS feed off drama/trauma and they seek it out. In his warped world view, he “wins” by goading you to a reaction. Don’t give it to him.

If you think he is stalking you, report this to HR. Be factual and honest – how often he shows up now compared to before you were dating; how he interacts with you that is different than before; how it makes you feel. You say you have no support, but management will have to listen if they think there is a credible reason for concern, so it is important to be professional and honest, but not emotional. Ask to be moved to a part of the office where he can’t go; ask for an escort to your car; ask that they request someone else from his company to visit the office instead of him. Remind them that you have a right to a peaceful workplace and this man is deliberately creating turmoil and that you may have to leave if nothing is done. Keep records daily for proof in case this has to go to arbitration.

In the meantime – congratulations on the work you have done to get back to normal. It is never easy to realize that someone you thought you cared for is not real or genuine – or safe. Stay strong and keep reading here for more information and help. Blessings to you.

Uffda713. Tina Swithin in One Moms Battle talks about gray rock and yellow rock where you have to have contact with the narcissist. She also suggests words to use. You might check it out. Blessings to you.

Hi Uffda – first of all, you are doing great and have been right on track for a long time. There is nothing wrong with being a trusting person, and when you found out that the person you were involved with was a jerk ( I like to call those narcs just “ jerks “ because that word takes away so much power from them in our mental life – but I digress ), you took appropriate action. But now you are in a difficult situation, not of your own doing. My advise is to look for another job. Even while in the process of looking, it will give you a sense of personal empowerment because you will be active and not feeling like you are trapped – seeing him is just too much of an unhealthy situation for you. Or find out if you can get switched to a different department at work, or another branch if they have one. The truth of the matter is that synchronicity is a reality and when you start to look and try to find ways to get out of this situation, it will amaze you how things will just open up for you. I have seen it happen in my own life so many times that I know it works. Take positive action and do not allow the jerk to have even one iota of space in your life.
Blessings

Hi again uffda – I got another good idea for you. When you see that he is coming in, then put on one of those Covid masks and sunglasses. That physical barrier will do much to enhance your grey rock and you might just find that you will feel a good sense of separation from his negative influence.
Blessings

Uffda. Good idea by polestar! Blessings to you

Hi Uffda,

I’m so sorry that you have to endure this emotional & mental pain at the hands of this manipulative evil socioapth at your workplace.

What is happening with him coming to your offices is you are being “triggered”. This is stressful to deal with these types of triggers.And, triggers are very common for victims of abuse…it’s PTSD.

When I was getting divorced just having to open mail from my lawyer or his was a trigger and would send me back into the emotional & mental abuse memories that I endured during my marriage. Even the courts did little to help me dealing with my ex abuser. They would put us in the same room for “required negotiation”. Even though my lawyer in the beginning had me file in the reason for divorce was “abuse”. It was so incredible stressful.

I know it must be for you too. Is it possible that you talk to your boss about maybe handing this account/guy to another employee to handle and you take one of your coworkers accounts to manage? This way you would never have to see him.

I would also suggest that if you do have to deal with him then document everything from date/time & what that you talk about with him on that day in a jounal not on your company computer. If you have a trusted close coworker tell that coworker what transpired also so that, that person is a witness. If he crosses the line in any way. go to your boss and tell him what transpired. Make sure first you are able to gain your composure before going to your boss. Then follow up with a email to your boss about your discussion of what transpired. Keep a printed copy of this email to your boss at your office/home. DOCUMENT everything with this evil sociopath at the office.

THese sociopaths will easily use turn the table on the actual victim and make them look like the victims. I have read many accounts of situations like yours where the true victims was manipulated into a relationship with the socipoaths (even though they did not want a relationship) only to be dropped and the sociopath starts dating somone new and gets the true original victims fired.

Look up here at lovefraud: Sociopath smear Campaign and socioapth triangulation = these are some of the evil tactics they use to get the true victims hated by their coworkers and fired.

PROTECT yourself by documenting everything. If your boss is not responsive then you can go to HR. But, the thing about HR it is not set up to protect employees it’s set up to protect the company. So if you have to go to HR then you might want to hire a Employeement lawyer just to go in for 1 meeting just to set the tone that you are there with a lawyer just to protect your job and yourself from this evil man that the company needs to becareful having him in their company.

I think you are doing a amazing job dealing with this socioapth at work. You have educated yourself on who he is and what he is capable of doing. BRAVO…pat yourself on the back hon. This is a great place to be that you can see thru his manipulative games!! I’m proud of you. NOT LOOKING AT HIM AND WALKING AWAY FROM HIM = BRILLANT!! You have taken your power back from him by doing these two things!!

These evil sociopaths literally can use trance and hypnosis with their eye steer. look this up on the net = SO CRAZY. Not looking at him = your gut instinct knows this. I like the sunglass idea that would really piss him off. lol

Stay strong…you have strong gut instincts. Wishing you all the best. take care. 🍁🍁🧡

ps to deal with the stress you are under look into Epson salt baths (this is magnesium which calms the body) which can be found in the cosmetic bath section of walmart $6. Take a bath before bed because it really relaxes you and premotes sleep. OR you can take magnesium mineral pill (found in the vitamin section of grocery store/walmart/health food store) take before bet. If you are on any RX then check with your doctor first. Most adults are deficient in magnesium. look up yt vids benifits of espson salt baths and also magnesium.

Uffda Hope things are going well. blessings

Uffda. There is an article ‘6 ways to deal when a narcissist calls you a narcissist’. It is in http://www.psychologytoday.com. She talks about a technique if you have to have contact with a narcissist. It is very good. Blessings to you

Uffda. Hope you are doing ok. Blessings

Uffda. A move would be good if you can find a good place for a good price. It sounds like you are detaching and that is good. Blessings

uffda713: Congratulations on your progress! I love your statement “my thoughts about him have changed considerably and my healing is coming along the way it should.” I hope you continue to find peace and keep being good to yourself. Not sure this would work when he targets you, but you might try wearing a wedding band or large engagement ring and flash your left hand… or decorate your desk (if he can see it) with “Congratulations on your Engagement” cards… Just twist the knife a little. I remember my Mom saying she saved get well cards to put on the mantle when unexpected company came over so she had an easy excuse for the messy house! She was brilliant, my mom.

Uffda. You can always come here to vent!

Good for you on the Gray Rock! I bet that drove him crazy – thus the snide and manipulative remarks and “Poor Pitiful Me” attitude. I snorted when reading “I gave it my best” and “What did I do to you”. What a clueless b&#^*ard! Yep – he wanted to make YOU the bad guy. And congratulations for NOT giving in!

As far as trusting goes — well, I am still struggling with that and it has been almost 8 years. I have to check myself when I get those feelings and ask “Is this real or in my head?” “Has this person given me any reason to doubt?” And always, I proceed very cautiously with new people. I used to be a very open and trusting person, wearing my heart on my sleeve, sharing bits of my life, my innermost feelings with all – but not so much any more. I DO keep a journal to emote and confide and vent and it really helps. But I only let a very few very trusted people in..safer that way. And this forum is VERY safe because it IS anonymous, so I vent in here when I need it. So – lean on us.

In the meantime, stay strong. Healing from this type of betrayal and disappointment and heartache takes time. Even though you don’t miss him, you are still mourning the “what could have been” and that is just a real as can be.

Uffda I would say going to the police will bond you to him and make it worse. Just keep telling him you don’t have the key He wants to upset you so don’t go there. He can change the lock on the door. Find a way to care for yourself if he visits. Get something that means good luck to you. Get a special plant for the office. Post here after he leaves. Take good care.

Uffda I thought if he gave you the key and it is lost you might tell him you will replace the lock. Not sure how much that would cost. A thought. Take good care.

Uffda. Hope things are working out for you. Let me know.

Uffda. Best wishes. Thinking of you.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by sunnygal1.