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Hello all,
My name is Kati. I met my ex partner two years ago; at the back end of a quite difficult relationship. We started as friends and we used to meet occasionally going to the pictures and/ or for a drink. Whilst my last relationship started collapsing he expressed his feelings. He said he loved me three weeks of been together as boyfriend and girlfriend. At the time I had a room in shared accommodation. He was eager to see me every day and within a month he wanted to move in together. I remember feeling apprehensive at the time as I was coming out of a relationship. His rental apartment was quite old, full of stuff( old diaries, thousands of old mobiles, photos and ornaments left by his ex) and full of damp. I didn’t listen to my hesitation and we moved in together two months into the relationship. It was perfect for up to a year. He would love bomb with parties, love hearts on the bed, love hearts on the walls and lots of flowers. He said he wanted to marry one day. A year and a half forwards and I stopped been so perfect. Every time I tried to share my feeling particularly negative ones he would shut down, avoid intimacy by telling me that I had been unreasonable. We did break up two weeks ago but I am questioning my judgment. He swore in an argument and said I was lousy with money. Those actions prompted me to leave. As I am 46 I am worried I will never meet anyone decent ever. One part of myself wants to go back to him. Deep down I know I wont. I hope I did the right thing.
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Kati – always trust your gut. You did the right thing. What you are describing – the intensity, the quick moving in, the grand gestures, lovebombing, gaslighting – all signs of a sociopath. He wanted something – possibly to get out of a bad living situation – and once he got comfortable, he wanted something more — control. You are wise for kicking him out. Proud of you!
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Hello Kati,
Im so proud of you from breaking off this TOXIC relationship with a sociopath.
Sending you huge hugs!! 💙
It’s not easy to break up with a sociopath because of the simple fact they mess with their target victims mind from DAY 1. During the relationship you start questioning which way is up & which way is down do to all the mind games they play on their victims. That is what a sociopaths wants. They want their victims to question everything and be dependant on them for all decisions. They dont like their victims escaping their grips. KNOW that if you return to him the abuse WILL GET WORSE all to train you from leaving again.
But, YOU DID IT…YOU BROKE UP WITH A SOCIOPATH!! 👏 BRAVO hon!! And, you started the healing process by searching for the truth and posting here at this amazing site Lovefraud. SO BRAVE OF YOU to post!!
Pat yourself on the back hon for breaking free from him. He will continue to cause nothing but, heart ache, financial loss and destroy your health with all the stress he intentionally creates to control you if you stay with him. Know this.
My ex did the exact same like ALL sociopaths = move the relationship very very fast dispite me not even being interested in dating him what so ever. I had a strong gut instinct about him from literally the second I met him thru a mutual friend. Thought the relationship I did not listen to my gut instincts because of his mind games and became more and more depended on him making my decisions. Crazy how they can make someone question their decisions. Like you after escaping his grip and driving 3000 miles away from him, I too question if I made the right decision. I DID…there is NO WAY I would EVER go back to him. It took many nights & days of moving thru the “grief stages” (like a death = crying, angry, denial, acceptance etc) and reading EVERYTHING here on Lovefruad to get on the other side of the healing process and learning how much he controlled my mind.
These sociopath know how to con EVERYONE. He target you so that you would move in and pay rent or buy things from him. My ex did the same after ALL his roomates moved out of his home. He needed me to pay his bills. I did not want to move in with him. Unfortunately for me I have issues with a flood in my apartment. So he quickly suckered me into his home.
Your gut instinct in the beginning was correct. Including that his home was disheveled etc.
Sociopaths use Brain washing/mind control and trance literally to sucker victims into their grips and to keep them in the relationship. This is why it’s so so vitally important to follow the “NO CONTACT RULE” (look this up here on lovefraud) to give your mind/body/spirit time to break your mind free from his brain washing/mind control & trance he has over you
He is YOUR CULT LEADER and you are his CULT FOLLOWER. Like all cult followers who have broken free from their cult you need time to heal your brain/body/spirit from the chaos & drama you have endured for so long. This is why it’s so important to follow the No contact rule always. He will try to weasel back into your life. BLOCK him from social media, your phone and if he shows up at your home call the police. DO NOT answer the door just call the police. Tell your neighbors if they see him to also call the police.
The most important thing right now is to educate yourself on his horrible behavior, evil mindset and how he was able to suck you into his con game with all his mind games and how to stay away from him.
It’s very common for victims of abuse to go back to their abusers 6-9 times (this according to the national US domestic violence hotline website) simply due to not being educated on their abusers (the sociopaths) mind games & tactics.
Please look up here on Lovefraud & net articles & vids on the following:
Sociopath smear campaign
socioapth triangulation
socipath blame shifting manipulation
sociopath pity me manipulation
love bombing
gas lighting abuse
sociopath trance
sociopath steer
sociopath brain washing/mind control
sociopath idolize, devalue, discard
(and all Donna’s other articles on Lovefraud that will open your mind up full from your ex’s mind games which he will use still to suck you back in now or down the road). Please keep in mind he may say “we should stay friends” = that is a big fat NO, NEVER stay friends with a sociopath they will constantly mess with your mind until the break you down and push you over your emotional edge.
When you feel weak and think that you made a mistake in leaving him, PLEASE COME TO LOVEFRAUD AND READ, READ, READ EVERYTHING, vent & share more of your story. We have all been there where you start to second guess yourself when leaving a sociopath. They again have messed with all of their victims to break the victim down so that she will second guess ALL decisions including breaking off with the sociopath.
FOCUS on your health. You have been in a very stressful situation. Many victims suffer from PTSD. One of the root issues of PTSD is “Adrenal fatigue” that needs to be healed. You tube channel Dr Berg has vds on Adrenalt fatigue as well as keto diet which is a very healing diet. There are many healing diets which your library will have books on. This is very important to reduce the body stress levels so that you are healthy again.
Donna has articles also on:
1) Why you should not drink or do recreational drugs to calm yourself. Instead you should feel the feelings.
2) Taping to heal
PLEASE know you are NOT alone. We are here for you. Keep posting, venting & reading.
💙Sending you huge hugs! You are going to survive this nightmare and you WILL thrive again! 💙
take care💙
ps get a piece of paper out and write down all the bad things he did to you from day 1. You will see the truth of how evil he really is and that he will never change.
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Kati, you’re so welcome. You will heal hon. It takes time so be kind to yourself during the healing journey you are enbarking on now. 😊 Take care
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ps Kati, Lovefraud you tube channel is excellent. Donna (lovefraud site creator) talks on her channel about all the mind games etc that sociopaths do to their victims. This will also help you heal.
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Kati, you are good enough for a future relationship with a good person once you heal. It is very common for a victim of a sociopath to not “feel good enough”.
Look up here on lovefraud: “idolize, devalue, discard”.
To suck a victim into a relationship, the sociopath will use “idolization” which makes the victim feel good about themselves. Once they hook a victim into a relationship with them the begin to “devalue” the victim to break them down mentally & break their self esteem so that it make the victim dependant on the sociopath. Its very scary what they can do to a mind.
Often times during the devalue stage the sociopath will start up several relationships with other victims. If they find one victim that has more money/better home/easier to get things from/more connections/more business opportunities etc they will move to the discard stage but, never truely breaking off the relationship.
This is all to control their victims. Part of the devalue is to break the victims spirit down and make them feel bad about themselves. Its a very stealth manipulation where the victim often times does not realize what is happening. Instead the victim will blame the break down of the relationship on themselves vs the sociopath. They will often think that it is their insecurities that causes the sociopath to go looking for other relationships. IT IS NOT the victims fault for the break down of a relationship…it is the sociopath playing endless mind games to break down the victims spirit so they are easily controlled and manipulated.
Best thing you can do is educate yourself on all the mind games your ex played on you. This will help to re-build your self esteem.
BECOME YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND too…be kind to yourself. Lift yourself up VS tearing yourself down. Get your health back with a good clean diet & walking (which helps to lower cortisol leaves while moving blood to the brain and gets you into shape you tube channel dr mindy pelz just posted a video on the importants of walking).
You are never to old to get your health back and love yourself. Stay strong. You will get your strong mind back & have a very strong self esteem with a good healing journey (reading lovefraud articles and a good diet). 💪
Wishing you a good day. take care. 💙
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