How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Coming to terms with an abusive mother and an indifferent father

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC In my last article, I described how I’m using the “empty chair technique” to help a client, Mary, get closure about her disordered, but deceased, father. Here we have a continuation of the empty chair technique with Mary and her father. Mary finished the last session telling her father that she is finished trying to reason with unreasonable people. In this second session, Mary picks up where she left off. She wants to discuss her abusive mother. Mary’s father makes a choice too Joanie: Mary, you told your father you are done reasoning with unreasonable people. You told him you made a choice. Did he agree with your choice? Mary: No, by his silence, …

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Empty chair technique to resolve issues with deceased father

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC As a cognitive behavioral therapist, I have recently incorporated what is called “the empty chair” technique with my clients. This technique is for individuals who have a need to express themselves to someone that is emotionally unavailable, living far away, in prison, or deceased. Commonly this technique is used to resolve a conflict with someone who will not visit a counselor or therapist with the client. Also, if there is an overtly dysfunctional family member (an addict or alcoholic) who will not seek therapy or talk about their problem, this empty chair technique is effective for family members who are witnessing their destructive behaviors and fee …

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Sadists and narcissists — similarities and differences

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC Sadists and narcissists — are they the same? Pathological personalities can overlap each other with their complexities and commonalities. Over the years, definitive conclusions as to whether a sadist is a narcissist, and vice-versa, have been lacking and debate has been ongoing. A person can be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, which is a cluster B disorder according to the DSM V. This is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association. However, the opposite is true for a sadist, at least presently. There is no official diagnosis of sadism. Sadism was once referred to as Sadistic Personality D …

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When narcissistic injury turns into pathological rage

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC I always say that all narcissists are dangerous and have the potential to escalate to pathological rage —seriously harming their targets or anyone who gets in their way. For example, let’s look at the case of Jodi Arias. In 2008, Jodi Arias was convicted of the gruesome murder of her boyfriend, Travis Alexander. I remember catching various glimpses of Jodi Arias in news articles online and on TV. I vividly remember her face. Arias and Alexander shared an on-again, off-again relationship described as tumultuous. On their last day together, Arias, 24, stabbed the 30-year-old Alexander 29 times, slit his throat, and then fired a bullet into the bac …

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What does it mean when the narcissist says, ‘we need to talk?’

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC If the narcissist comes to you and says, “We need to talk,” what exactly does this mean? Why does the narcissist want to talk to you and about what? And since when does the narcissist ever have the desire to resolve a problem or conflict with you? There are specific ways of communicating that seem to be “cookie cutter” for narcissists. They always communicate with a goal in mind: to get what they want regardless of the cost. I believe narcissists are completely predictable, but one must see the signs from the beginning and study how they establish relationships with others and how the dynamics of these relationships play out over time. …

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How people of the Dark Triad implode: The link is self-sabotage

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC The term Dark Triad always fascinated me. The name sounds so ominous – images of Darth Vader from Star Wars come to mind, as if nothing worse could possibly exist in the universe. The Dark Triad encompasses three sociopathic disorders — psychopathy, narcissistic personality disorder and Machiavellianism. These individuals are considered to be the most socially harmful of all sociopaths. Still, they often don’t get away with their exploitation forever — they may eventually crash and burn, usually due to self-sabotage. People of the Dark Triad meet diagnostic criteria (per the DSM-5) for Narcissistic Personality Disorder coupled with psychopathy and …

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Malicious Parent Syndrome and sociopathic behavior

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC I’m a mental health practitioner, and while researching family therapy journals for research on cognitive behavioral therapy approaches, I came across a concept called the "Malicious Parent Syndrome.” It described how some divorcing and already divorced parents actively work to turn their children against the other parent. It sounded very much like how sociopaths engage in parental alienation. Characteristics of malicious parent syndrome The concept of Malicious Parent Syndrome was developed between 1995 and 1999 by a psychologist named Ira Turkat, who specialized in family law disputes, false allegations and relationship poisoning. His 1999 art …

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Restoring your “happy hormones” after narcissistic abuse

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC Our bodies are equipped with many hormones that act as “chemical messengers” to the brain. When these chemicals are released, cellular changes occur that can affect your wellbeing. Four of them — endorphins, oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin — could be considered “happy hormones” because they help us feel good. During and after narcissistic abuse, many of the “feel good” chemicals are suppressed as a result of constant psychological and/or physical attack, which leads to a state of hypervigilance or “fight or flight.” Restoring your happy hormones helps you recover. Chronic traumatization rewires the brain and body Most survivors of narcissistic abus …

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Pseudomutuality in the narcissistic family

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC Pseudomutuality describes a relationship between two people in which conflicts are solved by ignoring them. Following is a case study of how pseudomutuality in the narcissistic family plays out. Names are changed. Heather’s memory of her mother Ever since Heather can remember, her family was the center of her world. Every special event was spent with immediate and extended family members.  Heather can remember as a child that there would be a lot of conversation and laughing, but , she was sensitive to an underlying and unidentified sense of uneasiness and dread at these gatherings. Heather never entertained the idea of having something else …

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The sociopathic behavior of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., BC Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy (MSBP) is a mental health problem in which caregivers make up or cause illness or injury in a person who is under their care, according to Michigan Medicine. The victims are usually children, the disabled, or the elderly. Some experts view MSBP as a type of sociopathic behavior, specifically as a subgroup of borderline personality disorder. What does this syndrome look like? Three different experiences of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy Chloe is a grown woman who has childhood memories revolving around doctor visits, her mother's illnesses and her mother's concern about others  being sick. Her mother insisted on caring for …

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