Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she poses questions to help you determine if you have a healthy relationship — with a partner and with yourself. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. There’s a litmus test question for determining whether you are in an abusive relationship. Have you ever asked yourself, “Is this what marriage/love/living together is supposed to be like?” We all have issues with our partners from time to time. Two independent adults living together will always cause a certain amount of friction. Most of us accept a level of give and take in our …
Warn your children about people who enjoy taking from others
Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she suggests that one way to protect your children is to warn them about people who enjoy taking from others. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. There’s a game played by primary school children in the Middle East. Each child is given a bucket and a number of blank slips of paper. The child is encouraged to write kind descriptive words (such as “friendly”, “caring” or “smart”) on these slips of paper. They all then go around the classroom, placing these words into other children’s buckets. The teacher asks how everyone is fee …
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When you feel the snap, it’s time to escape the toxic relationship
Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she explains how many family violence survivors feel the snap — they're done with the abuse and they're leaving. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. A common but antiquated question in the family violence debate (using gendered language for historical accuracy) is “why didn’t she leave?” Answers include that he convinced her the problems were her fault and he promised to change. Clearly the more important question then is, “why did he abuse her?” But that is the topic of another post. In my view, the better question to be as …
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How the movie ‘Frozen’ helps you teach your children about predators
Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today explains that the movie 'Frozen' can be a powerful tool for teaching your children about the sociopaths who live among us. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. Spoiler alert: if you’re one of the few who haven’t seen the original Disney movie “Frozen,” you may wish to remedy that before reading on. For those of us who have seen the movie 'Frozen' a thousand times, please call to mind Anna’s primary love interest, Prince Hans of the Southern Isles. He is the youngest of thirteen sons, burdened with the inability to ascend his f …
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When leaving an abusive marriage, forget the ‘should’
Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she reminds us that leaving an abusive marriage isn't a failure, it's a success. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. There’s a swear word that is often used by people who have just separated from their life partner. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t start with “F.” The word is “should.” Conversations with our inner voice often follow this script: “I should have been a better wife/husband/partner,” “I should have tried harder/stayed longer/left earlier” and “I should just get over it/stop drinking/move on.” But there are …
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Traumatized again by family court cross-examination
Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she explains how abusive family court cross-examination affects people who are already traumatized. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. In 2019 the Australian family law act was amended so that perpetrators of family violence can no longer cross-examine their ex-partners in court. Instead cross-examination must now be conducted by a legal representative of the party. This is a great step forward in the fight to protect family violence survivors from being re-traumatised. But does it go far enough? Family violence and the …
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What do toxic bosses and toxic spouses have in common?
Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she points out the big similarity between toxic bosses and toxic spouses. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. A “toxic” boss can be described in broad terms as being self-centred, controlling (or micro-managing), manipulative and threatened by initiative. Toxic workplaces are generally characterised by in-fighting, mistrust, lack of communication and high turnover. Mis-managers enjoy pitting employees against one another, making empty promises, stealing the limelight and blaming poor performance on their employees. A “toxic” …
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How explicit and implicit memory are affected by family violence
Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she explains how explicit and implicit memory are affected by family violence. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. Have you ever gone to collect your car keys and been completely clueless as to where you put them? Or spent ages searching for your sunglasses only to find them perched on your head? These are lapses of our “explicit” memory: the conscious, intentional recollection of factual information, previous experiences and concepts. So that we can eat, ride bikes and get dressed every day without having to consciously rem …
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When divorcing a sociopath, can we learn from ostriches?
Editor's note: Lovefraud welcomes a new author, Attorney Caroline Parsons from Queensland, Australia. Today she explains that when divorcing a sociopath, putting your head in the sand may not be the best idea. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. Divorce is traumatic, even when it’s amicable. If you're divorcing a sociopath and the marriage was abusive, the impact is even more damaging to the psyche. There are a number of ways our brains adapt to trauma. We may numb the pain with alcohol or drugs, bury ourselves in work, dissociate, dissolve in anger or withdraw deep within to protect ourselves. Another …
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Toxic relationships are like being chased by a tiger
Editor's note: Lovefraud welcomes a new author, Attorney Caroline Parsons from Queensland, Australia. Today she explains how the violence — physical and emotional — of toxic relationships affects your brain. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. In prehistoric times, when a caveman realised he had been spotted by a sabre-toothed tiger, his primitive brain flooded his body with cortisol so he could fight or escape the beast. “Freezing” (or becoming immobile) is also a response to extreme threat. When a modern brain reacts in a similar way to a traumatic event, it can result in post-traumatic stress. …
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