2 in a row, feeling like a total idiot even though my gut told me run

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Sunnygal 9 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #39492


    This might be a little long, so forgive me. A warning in advance. My late husband was definitely a sociopath and he has passed away, so I don’t have to worry about him anymore. Next comes in this guy who I became really close friends with. Met on YT and met in person several times. He really pushed the relationship and I kept telling him I needed space to heal from my late husband and all the extraordinary situations and more that he put me and my daughters’ through. This one pushed forward anyways. I’ve been really torn because he’s a self proclaimed minister, and has intense stories (that never change) that got him to change his life and dedicate himself to the Creator. However, in that, he’s what I would consider an online bully about it by butting into people’s comments to each other and throwing bible verses at them and telling them they are wrong. (Targets Christians all the time). Not only that, but he pushed his way into my life. Left his apartment and moved to my state and pulled the “you wanted me here” clause. (after I said lets take this slow!!!) He FINALLY acknowledged that he did move here too soon. But that is only One part of the entire picture. He initially tried to spiritually control me by using bible verses on how a woman should treat a man. After a few years, I was told I am equal to him. The most annoying issues of all are his incessant talking about himself. I’ve heard about his entire childhood, in different sections, daily since he came here. He claims being the victim of everything. If I raise my voice a tid bit because I NEED to, he freaks out and says I abuse him. Calls me a slave driver, even though he begins a hundred projects, goes from one to another to start another while the first, second, third…you get the point, are never finished. He blames the world for his problems, but he himself is the problem.

    He freaks out about my family because they see him for who he is. I’ve been in a stuck/stagnant phase with him since the day he came as everytime I tell him to leave, he cries, changes for a bit, then, of course, goes back to being the all knowing, all heroic, best worker, best everything.

    Due to his bible verses, he told everyone we are married, even though we are not. His family never took him seriously until I came along (They love me) so I was like a justification tool used to get respect from his family. The list goes on and on and on.

    Did I see it from the beginning? Yes, I did. I was very weak from coming out of a sociopathic relationship that was really intense…and this one walked in as a friend then took over. The day he moved in he was furious due to a snowstorm he drove through. (He could have waited a few days, but he was tooooo excited to get here). Then after 3.5 years of being here, I got really ill. Probably from so much stress, and he took 2 years off to “take care of me”. His taking care of me, was sitting online and Christian bullying. I have no religion, but I do have something called respect towards others and not interrupting conversations and claiming the Creator made me do it!

    It’s almost like he is a half demon in his behaviors and half angel in others. He loves animals. (I think that’s ALL he loves). Claims he helps people, then repeats to me hundreds of times what he did throughout time, lives fully in the past, plans for the future, but sits on his butt watching YT videos on doing things but never actually starts working towards his “Dreams”. I feel like I won the “Basement Dweller” prize! And he comments on EVERYTHING.

    (I told you this would be long!!!) I can’t escape his opinions, EVER. When I call him out on behaviours he gets a deep voice with shaking anger for the length of why I am wrong, then he calms down, thinks about it, actually allows me to talk and becomes rational. He often claims I make him miserable, and when I ask him why he stays? “You’re my wife, a husband never leaves the wife”. Scripture says so.

    I’ve been unemployed for several years due to my illness, and I can’t get disability because I have yet to get a diagnosis. He claims he’s figured it out with EVERY new path medically I end up on, and when I have asked him to go…he refuses. He is not physically abusive, and I can’t justify my sticking around except for the fact that I am waiting for him to fix a few things he did to the apartment, (I can’t afford to fix them) they are flooring issues. And the fact that we have several animals (Which I believe he used to also entrap me because he knows I can’t just abandon an animal when I am what it depends upon.)

    Ok….Sorry for the rant. I know what the answers will be or the responses. My therapist and I are in major focus on this and she agrees that I need to plan this carefully and what I am planning, she fully agrees with. And we know it will take time. It just finally feels good to let this out. And I never considered him a narc/psychopath until I studied up on it due to my late hub. Both are extreme polar opposites, and that’s why I think I’ve been as patient as I have been with him. He’s closed himself off to everyone but me…literally I’m all he’s got and my stupid empathetic and nurturing nature has finally had enough.

    I did forget to add, however, that he is extremely loyal and tries to be there for me at all times, I just find him stuck in a mental disorder of some type that he needs help for. And I feel that he feels he won’t find anyone else in life, hence why he refuses to let me go. (“You’re the best I’ve ever had, look at me! I won’t find anyone as good as you ever again…” his words). I don’t feel victimized as much as I feel exhausted by someone’s constant need for validation. I’m just so tired….

  • #39863


    This sounds pretty similar to my situation I now see my family too seen my husband for who he really is and he did not like that. He would say bad things about them and they too supported him at first. I think that scares these men as soon as someone figures them out, they get that person out of their lives. That is why I never talk about friends or anyone at work because I don’t want him to pry into their lives in social media because he will. My husband is also somewhat of a bully on social media, he def doesn’t like women. He picks apart women’s appearances and makes fun of them if they don’t agree with what he says. I personally think he likes to create drama.

  • #39906


    It sounds like you have had enough.

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