How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › 7 Weeks with a Sociopath
March 21, 2018 at 1:32 pm #44596
I guess the start of this post will be like many others, how I consider myself an educated woman, skeptical, yet got embroiled in a nightmare with someone who conned me.
I am seperated from my husband of 20 years, its been 6 months. Into my life came a guy younger than me by 20 years (I am 50), we had a mutual friend who had only known him a short time. He added me on facebook, we got talking, mainly about his sad life, unemployed, depression, family hated him. I felt sorry for him.We ended up sleeping together but he was so attentive, morning messages, messages after I finished work. The first lie came four days after I slept with him, it was his birthday, his family had forgotten could I post a card with money in to cheer him up? Weird as on facebook people were wishing him happy birthday four months ago.
He showered attention on me, I was lovely, I got him like others hadnt understood, I helped with his depression. And then began the pity plays, My rent is overdue,my electric is cut off, I am cold, I have no food, I have to go to hospital, my mums ill, and I gave him money, not much but I wanted to help.Giving after giving. But the stories got more outlandish. He had 40 pound in a cushion on a sofa, but put his heater too near, all burnt, could I help? The buses werent running due to a crash could I help? His cat was ill could I help? And on and on.
Then I found out he was on drugs. That explained a lot. He denied everything when I confronted his lying. I blocked him. He set up a new facebook to continue talking to me, I love you he said, over and over although I never said it back as it seemed weird.
Then, there on facebook, he was suddenly in a relationship with…some girl, who he had told me 3 weeks before was his sister. He messaged me babe i am not with her its just fake to put off her ex whos stalking her I mean seriously?
I try to keep no contact really I do, I am growing to hate him, its all fake, I have lost so much money, and no more will I give him, although when I have told him that before he has ignored me for days, accusing me of calling him a liar and making his life crap.
Yes as I write this, he messages me, and I reply, though I know everything I have just said is true. Why cant I just let go, ignore him? An intelligent woman, but this I cannot get my head round
March 21, 2018 at 4:35 pm #44597
ciazdana – I am so sorry for your experience. Unfortunately, your story is right out of the sociopath playbook. His objective from the beginning was to get money from you. He took advantage of your good nature.
The following article may help you understand some of what happened:
The answer is No Contact. It’s hard to admit that the money is gone, but it is. Write it off as a life lesson, and do not communicate with him ever again.
March 22, 2018 at 3:53 am #44615
dazdana As sandra brown says in her book Women who love Psychopaths, they are disordered, they are not normal. There is nothing normal about them. The way to go is No Contact. That is the only way to win.
March 24, 2018 at 6:09 am #44772
Thank you for your advice I am trying, I have arranged to meet a friend of mine over Easter, a guy I have known for a while, it seems to have blossomed into maybe something more, so I told the sociopath I couldnt message any more as I had some one else and typically he is coming over all nice, messaging me more like he used to, we were messaging yesterday just about the weather, gossip about some local news I said that I was going offline, heading for the shop, he replied ‘Don’t miss me too much’ and with that one line managed to undo all my admittedly fragile resolve, how do they do that? So today, back to square one, no contact I really hope I can manage it, it does help to read all the replies and blogs on here, there just still seems a gulf between what I know I should do, and what I feel capable of doing at the minute
March 24, 2018 at 12:57 pm #44776
I am so sorry for what you have been through. It is really difficult to wrap your mind around when it happens and the cognitive dissonance is so confusing. Keep your eye and heart on what you KNOW instead of what he is saying in the moment.. and remember this too shall pass. It helped me to view the person as if he was not a regular human being but instead some kind of lecherous sub-human species. A bottom feeder! haha Their brains are wired so differently then ours we would never understand the behaviors, so disorderly. Once I stopped trying to understand is when I could let go for good! Best wishes and much love.
March 24, 2018 at 5:14 pm #44778
oliveoyle – love the name! And you are right – thinking about them as something other than human is helpful – because, in reality, it’s the truth!
In fact, not long ago I posted an article about thinking of the sociopaths as aliens!
March 26, 2018 at 12:09 pm #44797
So I decided on No Contact so I blocked him on social medià last night, as thats the only way we communicated, he doesnt have my phone number. This morning he made up a new facebook in his name and has sent me a friend request, and a message request. The message simply says ‘I love you’, but I havent given in, I know it will be because he knows its my payday in two days. But I am here on my couch and it feels like I am having the worst withdrawal symptoms from some sort of drug, I am literally feeling paralysed, no motivation to do anything, shaking. Thank you all for your support and advice, I just want to get through the next few days at least and maybe feel a bit better.
March 26, 2018 at 12:58 pm #44798
You might read all the blogs on recovery from a spath. there are 754.
March 26, 2018 at 1:57 pm #44801
Gosh I remember that feeling of paralysis and shaking. I felt like a caged animal, who knew the ‘master’ was going to come back to abuse me.
However, even though you may feel this way you are NOT a caged animal. You have the freedom to direct your next action, and the next, and the next. Each action you take on your own behalf will result in greater security, happiness, and safety. Or not. It is up to you, really.
Treat YOURSELF with protection, love, kindness, and respect. In the future, when the chaos and pain has subsided you will LOVE yourself for it.
March 31, 2018 at 4:22 am #44890
Just an update, he is very mad at me as I am ignoring him. He told me a week ago he has been sectioned into hospital with his depression. I dont believe him as our local hospital which he says he is in has no long term stay mental health facilities, the nearest one is 15 miles away. Because I ignored him he sent me a picture of some harm he had done to himself, and told me he had also broken his knuckle and smashed his phone all because I wont talk to him (or believe his lies) I actually did message back that time to say no, i didnt make him do that. I felt I needed to get that across. So currently every few days I am getting ‘f you’ ‘why are you hurting me when I am ill?’ and other angry messages Im not replying to any. He is a stupid liar who wasnt even clever enough to do his research on local mental health provision enough to get his story accurate. I dont pity him any more I am actually finding him pathetic now. A sad little loser who can rant all he wants, I am just going to carry on ignoring him. As I am starting to feel better abd brighter by doing so
April 13, 2018 at 5:23 am #45146
So here I am again, discarded. After my last post he and I had a vicious online argument in which I told him him I knew he was lying about being in hospital and he could rot in hell, and he told me to go die and threatened to tell family things about m e and said sO was too needy. We then ‘made up as he said he wanted a fresh start with me, is both taking care of each other properly. He started asking if we could meet in the pub for an hour (me paying) and stopped asking for cash handouts. We went to the pub every night for the last week, and a couple of times went to his and had sex. Two days ago he actually messaged me and asked me to go his and chill with a brew, and watch tv, which we have never done before so I thought it was good he was making an effort rather than just asking for money, or us just having sex and remember he had told me he was in hospital for the 2 weeks before so we had never really just hung out before.
He didn’t attempt to kiss me or anything whilst I was round there but I thought it was because he was making an effort to be friends as well as lovers.
So yesterday he messaged, the day after I was at his, it was urgent, he had an appointment in town 7 miles away. could I lend him 20 pound, and when he got back from his appointment he wanted me to go his, watch a movie, chill out, he would get takeaway..which he has never asked before, normally I am there for an hour at most I said how can I trust you and he promised in a series of messages that he wouldn’t let me down, So I walked to his, gave him 20 pound, waited to hear from him…..nothing. Nothing all night, he wasn’t active in messenger, nothing this morning and what’s so stupid is I knew from being in this site what he is, what would happen, and I still fell for it.
Two days before the day he asked me to chill at his he messaged me to say his messages weren’t getting through could I delete our conversations at my end as that night help? I suspected then he was up to something. He said he wasn’t deleting at his end just needed me to do so to try and sort out the ‘glitch’ So I did, but unknown to him, I screenshot every single message from the past 2 months, all his love messages, all his lies, all the convos about me and him in bed…just in case.
So I have blocked him, and yet again I am going to try and heal. It is worse this time really because I actually thought I was getting somewhere with him spending more time with me and having a laugh together. And yet still a stupid part of me is thinking, maybe he just fell asleep last night or lost his phone? But I know that’s just me hoping. So here we go, no contact.
April 14, 2018 at 10:18 am #45163
I found the book psychopath free very helpful. Im sure donnas books are helpful too but because of how much this animal cleaned me out financially, I can only get what I can borrow for free at the library lol…
April 14, 2018 at 11:31 am #45164
April 13, 2018 at 10:05 am #45148
clazdana – I am so sorry. Yes, it’s time for No Contact again. At least now you know for sure that he will never be what you want or deserve. Block all access, even social media. No Contact for sure.
April 14, 2018 at 9:46 am #45161
Clazsana, I was in a similar situation with a man I dated after my divorce. He manipulated me and took me for a lot of money. It will not get better through contact with him…only worse. He may talk sweet and loving but it is all part of the deception. Both of us deserve so much more.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by traumatized41. Reason: Spelling
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