How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › A second sociopath or just scam?
June 29, 2017 at 2:22 pm #41246
I CANNOT believe I am here, AGAIN. In 2013, it was a real, live NPD/sociopath I dealt with. I KNOW the signs. I’m still reeling from THAT and in therapy.
Long story short, I guess I just need validation. Social media, sometimes user, just a time passer. Got a DM from “Rick” who just gave me a quick compliment on my photo. (I know, here we go…I should have said “thanks and goodbye!”). This one wasn’t a face-to-face, so I felt better about “chatting.”
Red Flag alert: He’s “Military, Special Ops” in Syria and “shouldn’t be talking to me “but he can’t help it.” Can only communicate during “X” hours and using a calling card. (Hello!) Most hold out a while at least, but by DAY TWO, was asking if I “owned my home” and “tell me about your work, your dreams…” Uh huh. Did send me three pictures, something not right. Too handsome, really, background showing ocean, London Tower, Eiffel Tower. Says he “speaks four languages, necessary for his job.” Has, of course, travelled “the world.” (has not said anything about other work, other than retired military and now “helping out” in Syria for four months.)
Now, if he was really in Syria, that is an 8 hour difference and said to me on Sunday Night, my time “I have a call from the General in Geneva early tomorrow morning, I have to go.” I calculated it to be 3 a.m. Syria-time. It would already have been the next day. I also noticed he mentioned his “dream” of owning several restaurants when “he gets back on US soil” as his “hobby” is Certified Chef. Huh, 4 languages, Special Ops, Certified Chef…okaaaay. He also clicks off at a certain time, almost to the minute.
Again, an “ex-wife cheated” and it “hurt him beyond doubts.” Ok. That’s more Red Flags. A born and bred supposed Arizonan (?) has slipped a few times with language. Changes from “Mom’ to “Mum” and other very formal language “not quite right” as an American would talk. “Is that not the Prince Harry?” (I’d say, isn’t that Prince Harry?). Just odd language stuff he chalked up to his “new phone” and getting used to the keys (which on Day One, he told me they were “banned” from having).
On Day One, he told me I was “impressive.” I was “a fabulous Mom.” He was “so LUCKY to stumble on my picture, it was FATE.” Day Two consisted of financial talks, travel, etc. How he’d “drop out of the Military right now” if I asked him to. His daughter “would LOVE me, she’s never had a REAL mother.” Day Three, he wanted to “go on a REAL date, treat me like a QUEEN like I “deserve” and leave Phoenix to “go wherever YOU are and I’d be the luckiest man.”
Honestly, I don’t know why I gave him the three days of talking that I did. My youngest brother IS military, and he IS deployed and I guess I know how that can be, wanting to hear a friendly “something” from “somewhere.” I’m sure if I gave him more time, he’d of asked me for calling card money or something, or worse. I just wanted people to be aware that as much as we SWEAR we know the signs and would NEVER fall for that again, there are con artists out there who know just WHAT to say and have a very specific “word pattern” to use to get hooks into us Empaths. In just three DAYS, I heard financial questions, proclamations of devotion and loyalty, compliments on my mothering skills and humor, that he’d move “anywhere” I happen to be, he is just THAT “convinced it is DESTINY.”
Be vigilant, dear Empaths. Hugs.
June 30, 2017 at 2:38 am #41255
My FB page gets one or two contacts from a fake profile every month. I report them to FB and I don’t respond. It’s my understanding that the scammer (who may be a woman posing as a man) use photos they’ve downloaded from the internet somewhere to use in their scam. If you reverse google search the images sometimes the search will return the legitimate source of the photos.
It sounds like you were aware you were dealing with a scammer during your interactions with the fake person. It’s an interesting study to break down the techniques the scammer used. Pretty much the same as my ex spath used on me in person, but taking full advantage of the total anonymity of interacting with you electronically only.
Consider saving your valuable time and empathy for interactions with your brother or someone else real like him, who would appreciate a friendly something from somewhere.
June 30, 2017 at 3:33 pm #41268
Bessyisbusy – Definitely a scammer. There are now “boiler plate” operations, where people are employed to troll the Internet, looking for victims to scam. Or it could be one guy looking to score.
You knew what you were dealing with right away. Perhaps it was just your curiosity – you wanted to see what this guy would say next. It’s ok. You ended it – no harm done.
July 1, 2017 at 8:41 am #41274
I agree with Donna. You were curious and wanted to know more, because possibly he could have been a decent person. However, like many online predators he is not. Now you are stronger and know the red flags. Good for you! Although, I have a picture with me and my guy on facebook men inbox me asking to chat. These predators have no boundaries. We must be on high alert.
July 2, 2017 at 11:07 am #41282
Thanks for the replies! Rule #1 is gut instinct. Too quick, too fast, TOO PERSONAL, especially for online. The language slips, bragging about money but then asking about MY finances, etc. Just too weird.
Yeah, I was curious and I must say, it was “easy” to communicate so that’s why it lasted the 3 days it did. I’m sticking to real life people, although that burned me in 2013 pretty badly.
July 2, 2017 at 7:15 pm #41287
I agree, Bessy, this guy was definitely a scammer, just as Donna said. Well done for spotting him!
I enjoyed your analysis of the various points that very properly aroused your suspicions: the language, the Syrian time, and so forth. “Gut instinct” and “intuition” are all very useful, but it’s reassuring when we can also list specific items of evidence that led us to a particular conclusion. Come to that, there’s really nothing magical about “intuition,” as priceless a faculty as it is. Intuition is mostly a kind of “unconscious thinking.” We “know” something, but we don’t know how it is that we figured it out! If we can also put our finger on how we did it, that’s a plus.
One point worth speculating on: I wonder where this scammer was located in reality? Not Syria, obviously! (“The General is calling”… yeah, RIGHT! 😉 Read “I am a very important person. High-ranking commanders depend on my advice all the time!” 😉 ) He didn’t live in Phoenix, either. I live in Phoenix myself, as it happens, though I’m not a “born and bred Arizonan” either. Most of us here are transplants!
If 3am in Damascus was the time he was clicking off, that’s midnight GMT, but that doesn’t tell us much, because we have no idea why he was clicking off at that time, or what his local time was when he did it. It didn’t have to be midnight. Very few places are on GMT right now anyway. However, his language slips are interesting. So he slipped from “Mom” to “Mum” a couple of times? “Mum” could be British (or Aussie, or Kiwi), except that none of the “blokes” from those countries would be caught dead saying “is that not the Prince Harry?” as you so rightly pointed out! Nor would they be guilty of referring to the “London Tower.” It’s the “Tower of London,” folks, and it’s still standing over there in London even though we have their Bridge right here in Arizona, as you’re probably aware! They’re not parting with that Tower at any price! It’s far too valuable a tourist attraction.
So what are we left with? A scammer who speaks English fluently, but not quite idiomatically enough, though with a hint of a British linguistic heritage. He could be from more than one country… but I have to confess (call it “prejudice” if you like) that ONE country in particular springs immediately to mind! It not only has English as its chief official language, inherited from its British colonial past, but right now it also appears to be the scammers’ capital of the world!
What’s more, his question about your home ownership betrayed his interest in your financial status, suggesting it was a monetary scam he was plotting. That’s exactly what these people go in for.
What a pity there’s no way of confirming this hunch about his country of origin. Still, if he clicked off at midnight GMT every night, that would be 1:00 am in Lagos, for example (which is still their biggest city by far). They have had frequent electrical outages there in recent months. Could that be the reason he had to sign off? Is 1:00 am the time for a scheduled power cut every night?
Or is it just that even bunco artists need their beauty sleep? 😉
- This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Redwald.
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