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Am I being dramatic?

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  bluejeans 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #41454

    emmylucy
    Participant

    Hi, everyone. I’m going to explain my situation, and I’d like some input. This is the first time I’m reaching out to people who have been through similarly painful situations.

    My story starts a little differently than most, as within the first week of meeting him, I got pregnant. I didn’t find out until I was about 6 weeks along. He swept me off my feet with his charm, sense of humor, and beauty. We would go out together, and I even met a few of his friends. But it ended quickly once I found out he had a girlfriend who he lived with. Which was weird to me, because people saw us out. He said she was crazy, and that I wouldn’t have felt bad if I knew her.

    I reached out again to him only when finding out I was pregnant. I said he didn’t have to be involved, and I could do it on my own, and I wasn’t trying to ruin his life. He didn’t speak to me for 9 months, and told no one in his life. A week after the baby was born, he told me he moved out of his apartment (while she was at work, and he didn’t tell her anything).

    The next few months was a whirlwind. It moved so fast, and we were thrust into this deep bond of having a child together. He introduced me to everyone. He is a really well known fireman/bartender/former MLB player, and EVERYONE loves him. It was so exciting and I fell so quickly in love. He said I was the best mom, and that he was so lucky I was the mother of his child.

    Things started to get really weird over the summer when he would not contact me for days, and sometimes I would see his car parked in weird places in the neighborhood. I figured he had gotten out of a terrible relationship, he’s also a bartender, it’s okay for him to have a good time. I was a mom, anyway. I was happy when he showed up.

    Things got worse in the fall. There was a girl who lived in the neighborhood who I worked with, (she was my replacement when I went on maternity leave, and I introduced them). She was so weird to me at work. I knew she started hanging out in the bar he worked in, so I’d ask if she ever said why she doesn’t like me. He would tell me that I’m crazy, and that I’m over analyzing everything. This went on for months.

    Finally, I found out through a friend that they were sleeping together. I was mortified. My coworkers knew. My neighborhood knew. I always talked about how amazing he was.

    He told me how sorry he was. He said he’d end it. Things got better for a while. Then I became a paranoid mess. “You’re insane. You look too deeply into everything.”

    One day, as I was dropping off our daughter to him as I head into work, he let me into his apartment. My coworker was there, sleeping. He swore he wasn’t. I lost it. I really did.

    A month later, the same thing. He’s sorry, he ended it again. Everything was great, for months this time. We decided to even try for another baby! He tried for two months. Then for some reason, he got distant and weird.

    Work was a nightmare. This girl made up a story about how I pushed her in the hallway. We’re teachers. It’s a complete lie. I was devastated.

    I became paranoid again. I started scouring social media. I’d find red flags and he would tell me that this is why he’s distant. How is he supposed to make the right choices if I never even give him a chance? I felt like my relationship was failing because of me.

    Last week, I received a photograph via text message. It was the two of them at a concert. All of the lies flooded my brain. Small lies about everything. He’s so aloof and cold. It’s like he’s looking right through me. I was yelling, trying to explain how emotions work. Trying to make him see my perspective. He just stared blankly at me. Unphased.

    They’re “in love” now. I’m just so broken. Am I just jealous that he chose her? How can someone tell me they want to have more children with me, and then walk off into the sunset with someone else?

    Sorry for the length.

    • This topic was modified 1 week, 5 days ago by  emmylucy.
  • #41456

    Anita
    Participant

    Hi Emmylucy, no you are not being dramatic. Your tolerance of his conduct and the questioning of your own is a clear indication of his manipulation. Sociopaths can do all this and more if you allow them.

    He may appear to be strolling toward a sunset but it’s a convenient veneer, much like the one he created with you whenever he felt the need. They are consummate chameleons incapable of bonding with anyone. We bring our inherent ability to love, trust and empathise to these “relationships” – they depend on this while busily maintaining malignant ongoing cycles of idealising, devaluing and discarding. We are seduced, lied to, exploited, reduced to nothing but a source – amongst many others – of narcissistic supply. They feel no remorse in doing this. Continuing to emotionally engage them offers a green light to further abuse and exploitation only.

    Bittersweet as it feels, well done on finding your way here. As overwhelming as the reality and the continuing education is, it’s vital that you use the information to steel yourself, reclaim your power and to take the necessary steps in protecting yourself and your baby.

  • #41461

    bluejeans
    Participant

    oh EmmyLucy. I am so sorry for all this.
    Its so horrible, I completely relate to the feeling of paranoia and being made to feel like you are the mad one. You knew all along but didn’t want to see the truth. You sound very confused and hurt as anyone would be.
    He can talk about babies with you and then be with someone else because he’s a mess. He has a lack of empathy and is completely devoid of any compassion, in short he is a broken person.
    I can understand how you got swept up with all this, completely, I should think all of us here have been there and done that.
    Don’t be so hard on yourself. When you have come to terms with all this you will be able to move on. But know this was not YOU it was him and his damaged personality you got hurt by. He is bad news. Please steal your heart away from this man and focus on yourself and your baby. Im sure you are a wonderful mother, xxx hugs.

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