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Anyone deal with depression after the break up & no contact period?

This topic contains 13 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  sbff8 1 week, 1 day ago.

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  • #47052

    allison123
    Participant

    I’ve struggled with mild depression in the past, but this breakup has made it 10x worse. Did anyone experience this? I’ve been seeing a therapist but sometimes I feel I may need medication or something more to help. I think the loneliness and addictive nature of the relationship is making it feel like I will feel this way forever. (It’s been 3 mo. Since the breakup, a little over 1 mo since no contact)

  • #47061

    Donna Andersen
    Keymaster

    Allison – You are not alone – many people feel depression after breaking up with a sociopath. Please remember that this is all still fairly recent for you, so it is understandable. Also, your recovery is going to take some time.

    Make a commitment to yourself to recover. It will be bumpy for awhile, but it will also be worth the effort.

    • #47119

      allison123
      Participant

      Thank you, Donna. This week has been better so far. This breakup is bringing up issues I struggled with before my relationship that I now have to deal with, and I think that’s adding to the depression. I’m hoping that therapy can help with that.

  • #47067

    Jan7
    Participant

    Hi Allison, I agree with Donna..you’re are not alone.

    Google “Dr Amen Depression You tube” to watch his video.

    Dr Amen is a therapist and a leading brain specialist who has conducted over 80,000 brain scans & done countless brain studies. In his videos he says that he prescribes Rx drugs as last resort. That there are many things that can heal your depression such as clean healthy diet, exercise, etc. So look into his video.

    The continued toxic stressful relationship you were in, most likely weekend your immune system & also your adrenal glands.

    Google: Dr Lam. com, Adrenal fatigue .org and also Adrenal fatigue to look at symptoms.

    When I left my ex h (a sociopath) I was mentally, physically & spiritually exhausted to the point I was bed ridden. I was once a very athletic persons with lots of energy, but not after being with a sociopath. I was lucky enough to have a friend direct me to a Endocrinologist Doctor who tested me for: Cortisol levels (fight, flight or freeze response mode), Vitamins & minerals, hormone imbalance, thyroid etc. My blood test were horrible. The stress had caused havoc with my immune system & adrenal glands.

    My anxiety level was off the chart, I could not sit calmly because I was in a constant state of flight & fight mode due to the stress of my ex messing with my mind every second of the day (adrenal glands were releasing to much cortisol). If you suffer from depression you also most likely have anxiety issues too.

    My doctor gave me Dr Wilson (adrenal fatigue. org) adrenal vitamins (one is just B complex) & had me take them 4 times a day. In addition he gave me a Rx of progesterone NATURAL hormones (not man made) within 4 hours my anxiety was literally half. And within weeks I felt more like myself. Less anxiety, felt happier, sleeping better etc.

    Google:

    1) “Dr Fuhrman PBS you tube”

    See his book Eat to Live and also he has one on building up your immune system. He is an excellent doctor, I personally went to him without knowing he was on PBS & sold books. My doctor referred me to him.

    2) “Super Juice me documentary” (free on you tube)

    It will show you that food can heal your body. Very informative documentary.

    3) “Jason Vale juicing recipes”

    (he is the person that made the Super Juicing documentary)

    3) Sick, Fat & nearly dead. com (free documentary on that site)

    Books:

    Dr Fuhrman & Dr Amen’s books (you might be able to find their books at you local library)

    I’m so sorry that you are still suffering from this evil person that was in your life. You will be back to your better self with time. Like Donna states you are just out of this relationship. Be kind to your self…take one day at a time.

    Check with a doctor first before you change your diet or take any vitamins.

    Wishing you all the best!! 💜💜💜

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 1 day ago by  Jan7.
    • #47071

      sbff8
      Participant

      Jan7. I looked adrenal fatigues I agree with what you told me. The smear campaign is awful and I’ve been in touch with police and states attorney. I know what to do now. It’s so terrible I’m being blamed for everything. He has no part in this? He did this, he chased me lured me. The creepy thing is- he even wanted a scarf of mine. I remember him asking if he could have it? I said sure. Like he collects things from victims?

      Another woman he did this to said he actually would send her pictures of his privates saying can she meet him for 15 min.

      I just am disgusted. This man I thought I knew so well he made me think we had “this connection “ and I was tricked. Now I’m being so harassed I’m sick daily because I told on him

    • #47120

      allison123
      Participant

      Thank you for your response, Jan. I’ll look into speaking with my doctor about adrenal fatigue – It’s possible that’s what I’m struggling with. Sometimes I just feel like a shell of a person after dealing with the narcissist in my life. It’s a tough feeling to move past.

  • #47070

    sbff8
    Participant

    I have been in severe depression and anxiety, because I’m in the midst of a smear campaign. It’s honestly the most terrible thing I’ve experienced. The man is silent, no contact nothing. I’m being harassed by a mutual friend I confided in. She took his side saying I should be ashamed of myself for talking to a married man.

    I definitely am ashamed but he told me they were roommates, unhappily married and wanted a life with me. He even planned out how he would move to his moms and we could publicly be together in a few months.

    My response was always no. I told him I would not break up a marriage. He said they didn’t have sex, that she was mean to his mom and family. And that he felt a bond with me.

    The police have been helping me after seeing the terrible slander on social media. How is it my fault and none of his?

    I feel he’s done this many times- no one ever told on him before. Now he’s exposed. He used to tell me “he couldn’t lose his kids” and “ this is our secret “. I truly felt like this was my best friend.

    I am very anxious I’m on meds now. I cry. I’m afraid to get on social media. I feel ashamed. He chased ME. He was obsessed with me.

    I still don’t understand why. Why he did this. I read the sites but the woman slandering me says it’s me. My ego was hurt. Because he stopped love bombing me.

    I don’t know anymore what to believe because I thought I knew him. I just don’t know how his wife never knows what he does to women.

    • #47121

      allison123
      Participant

      I’m really sorry you’re going through that. Fortunately my ex didn’t try to ruin my reputation, but I can imagine how painful that must be. Hang in there. Remember that narcissists do that… that make you look like the crazy one so they’ll look less crazy. Hold onto your truth. Ultimately you can’t control what your ex does or says… you just have to find peace in yourself and know your truth.

  • #47167

    slimone
    Participant

    Hi allison123,

    Yep, I had depression that was really stubborn. I also, as Jan did, started on a natural (bio-identical) progesterone cream (that you rub into your skin). I took Sam-e. For a short time I took a minuscule dose of Prozac, but this got me too antsy and anxious. The progesterone cream REALLY made a difference. This is the brand I used: Emerita Pro-gest Cream, around 27.00 for 4 ounces (which lasts quite a while). I had done research on this product for a group of heart MD’s, and trust the brand to be consistent and deliver the correct dosage. This really calmed my system down. Within a few days I started feeling calmer and less disinterested in life, and within 2 weeks I was about 50-75% better. The other thing that made a some difference for me was getting enough walking, yoga, hiking, and gardening. Though I was tired, weak, and uninspired, the movement did help with the anxiety and depression.

    It took me a good 4-6 months before it totally lifted, and even then I had residual PTSD/anxiety. But at least I wasn’t gripped with despair.

  • #47168

    Jan7
    Participant

    Hi Slimone, thanks for posting your informative info. No doubt it will help many!!

    Slimone & Allison123, Yes, I used that cream too, after the Rx of progesterone my doctor gave me. In the book “Female Brain gone insane by Mia Lundin” (which is worth your time to read & understand that your brain is not going insane, your hormones are just off balance due to the stress from the sociopath), she states that you must watch out with dosage of progesterone cream, too much can cause (more) depression, to little not effective for you. So be sure to read the product description & symptoms list, better to have a doctor assist you with a Rx.

    It’s a balance, an Endocrinologist doctor (who deals with the adrenal glands) can help balance the progesterone levels with regular drug test.

    I did not stay on the Rx progesterone long. Just long enough to feel almost my old self then was weened off of it. So, it’s not a “life long” Rx or over the counter creme. It’s just used to balance your hormones.

    progesterone is the “natural calmer” hormone, hence when it is off balance your body with have anxiety & depression and many other symptoms. Stress causes your hormones to become unbalanced. Dealing with a sociopath daily = HUGE amount of stress = throws your adrenal glands into fatigue mode.

    The adrenal glands regulate the bodies blood pressure, blood sugar, cortisol & adrenaline levels and over 50 hormones including progesterone, testosterone & estrogen..these glands are a HUGE deal and often over looked by most doctors as the root health issue.

    Google: Mia Lundin you tube. She has a video on hormone unbalance.

    Also check out the free documentary on the net called:

    Super Juice Me documentary

    Google: Adrenal fatigue. org and DrLam. com see their symptoms list. On Adrenal fatigue. org they have a list of doctors. (I have zero affiliation to these site or products other then healing my own body).

    This has also helped me tremendously to heal my body & balance it again.

    Thank you Slimone again for opening this important dialogue.

  • #47174

    slimone
    Participant

    sbff8,

    I can hear the anxiety in your post, and the overwhelming worry about the end result of this smear campaign. It has your system on ‘high alert’. This is a terrible cycle of anxiety and fear you are in. You CAN help break the cycle.

    You have relayed the details of your situation several times, and each time it ‘sounds’ like you are continuing to ask ‘why’. Why did he do this? Why is she going along with it? This questioning is normal.

    But the question is unanswerable in the way that you seem to long for it to be: Logically, with clear facts and intentions explained.

    This isn’t how it works with these types of disordered individuals. The answer to why is STILL baffling, and gives minimal relief.

    Because the ONLY answer to this question is: He has a personality disorder. That is it. There is no other answer that will give you peace of mind, closure, an ‘aha’ moment of relief, or release from your anxiety and worry. He is simply doing what he is hardwired to do: Manipulate, control, take advantage, get revenge, and basically be a slime bag.

    The woman who is trolling you, and lying, is now under his spell. Like you used to be. He is using the world, and all the people in it, to his advantage. He is on perpetual survival mode, and has ZERO trust, respect, compassion, or love for anyone or anything. NO MATTER WHAT HE TOLD YOU IN THE PAST. It was all lies, and half truths to take you off the scent of his disordered mental state.

    The woman who is now ‘working’ on his behalf is not telling the truth. You know this. Right? You know. The thing is, and this is important, you don’t have control over what the rest of the world chooses to believe. And, it is up to you to turn your attention away from them, and try to keep it firmly on your own truth, healing, life, health, and recovery.

    I will say it again: The fact is that it is not likely that this ‘campaign’ will have a long lasting impact on you, or anyone. It will pass. It will end. It will be a moment in your life that you will one day talk about, without hurt, worry, or fear.

    As a 57 year old woman (me) I have little use for social media, so don’t share your despair at being afraid to be on facebook, or whatever platform you use. Remember, there are a zillion lies on these social platforms. Zillions a day, a minute. People everywhere are being trolled, hurt, slandered, and stalked. LOTS of people. 99.999999999999999999% I don’t know. And, because I am an adult, have decent boundaries, respect other people, and don’t have much room for drama in my life, I don’t take at face value anything that is said about another person online.

    Anyone who is choosing to believe the lies being told about you, IMO, are definitely not worth bothering with. They are letting themselves be swept up in something they know nothing about, and drawing false conclusions. You don’t need people who are willing to do that in your life. Let them go.

    I am saying all of this because you do have some control in this situation. You can change the way you are thinking about this. You can take control over what you do with your time and attention. You can choose to educate yourself more and more, until the knowledge you gain makes you strong and feeling safe. Until the knowledge helps you step away, and stay away from all this drama.

    Sincerely, Slim

    • #47201

      sbff8
      Participant

      Slimone- it’s been the worst experience ever. I am so cautious of people now, even my friends because I don’t know who to trust and who not to. The crazy thing is- as soon as I found this man out and the discard was happening all at the same time I exposed him.

      This was the end of June! We are in October and the smear campaign just took place. I don’t know if it’s because he got caught with someone else, or what. But this middle person the one who is his monkey- basically said she will stop harassing me if I promise to never contact his wife.

      Of course I agreed, and I won’t. But I can’t imagine the damage she did to me with her fake pages. This man lures women. He conned me into thinking he was “in a loveless marriage “ and that I was his best friend. He said he was planning to leave and was going to start the process. When a mutual friend told me he was writing her and sending her inappropriate pictures I realized he was a liar and it wasn’t only me.

      I think sometimes I wish I hadn’t exposed him. I don’t think he will ever be caught and he will keep doing this to women. I just don’t know how his wife can’t see it. Or not care. The whole thing is bizarre to me. I just hope he’s caught at some point because what he put me through was pure evil

  • #47225

    slimone
    Participant

    sbff8,

    I hear you. Sometimes exposing them opens up a whole can of worms (snakes in these cases), and we end up paying a price. I exposed the man I knew, but he didn’t know it was me, and I got away unscathed. He lost some admirers and a job. But this was just a little temporary setback for him. Truth is most of these types don’t get ‘caught’ because they don’t do anything illegal, and, technically, that is the only thing you pay a price for in our culture.

    He may pay some ‘price’ off and on. But I am guessing, just like the sociopath I knew, he will just brush himself off and get back to the business of using other people. Since they feel no shame, worry, remorse, or regret, it is easy for them to recover and start up with the next victim.

    After awhile you get to the point where you truly do not care. Really. I sometimes look at the guy’s Instagram that I knew (he also spread some awful lies about what happened between us). I have zero feelings when I do (it’s been nearly 10 years). He is still up to the same old stuff, and his social media makes him look like his life is AMAZING, better than ever!, THE BEST! Whatever. I feel sorry for the woman he has on the line. She will learn.

    This is totally off topic, but it IS interesting to see ideas, books, beliefs, and other stuff, that he literally lifted out of my life and is now applying to his own. His social media, even after all these years, is composed with his audience in mind. And part of that audience is all of us who he has harmed. I am sure he believes we are all hanging on his every photo, trip, meal, etc.

    I say this because he posts images and dialogue that are expressly directed at our relationship. EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME. He still hopes I will read these things and be hurt.

    If I had seen this stuff years ago, when I was strictly NO CONTACT, I would have been crushed and devastated. Now it is ridiculous to see. Really? After all this time you are still trying to hurt the people you already hurt?

    So, one of the points here is that they never stop. Not really. They are always in a perpetual abuse cycle, even if it only exists in their own mind. They HAVE to win, to come out ‘on top’, to have the last word and action. They keep us alive inside themselves.

    We don’t have this compulsion. This means once you get over the hurt and confusion you will simply put him, and this whole mess, in your past. You will move on and be unconcerned about him.

    We get the gift of HEALING and EVOLVING. This is truly The Best, Greatest, Most Awesome thing about being a non-disordered person.

    • #47253

      sbff8
      Participant

      Slimone

      This man basically took things I taught him or hobbies or even style and put into his own life. Like he was mirroring me. The smear campaign is still there not as bad as it was- my next move is a restraining order soon. This man (who was in a band) recently lost his band. The crazy flying monkey who has been doing his bidding says it’s all my fault I’m a whor**. I actually feel BAD because I never wanted him to lose his band. I just wanted him exposed for what he does to women.

      I don’t know if maybe his wife found out- but I have a strong intuition he was caught with someone.

      Is it normal I feel guilt for exposing him? I should hate the creep but I feel terrible

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