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Can I warn other women somehow??

This topic contains 7 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Sunnygal 8 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #39529

    Jandd
    Participant

    hi there-
    writing in hopes for some advice and opinions. I had been seeing a man for about 3 years – it was basically just sex, as he frequently stated that he “didn’t have a girl, and didn’t want one”. This was a common reply he used whenever I questioned him about seeing other women, explaining that that was not ok with me. When we met, he got caught by another woman he was seeing, and it came out that he had been seeing 3 women (I being one of them) at the same time, so I was always suspicious and he always denied. Well, my suspicions proved correct recently, and it has become known that presently, he has been seeing someone else as well for the past 8 months. And, based on his past escapades, I suspect there are probably a few, if not several others as well. Regardless of all that…

    The other woman and I met and have found that we can help each other to get through all of this, and so far its been working. Without each other, we have both admitted that we would probably have gone back to him by now. The man was extremely rude and hurtful to us both, yet he manipulated us to become numb and/or blind to it, and we kept going back. We are both emotionally unstable due to his cruelty. From sharing our experiences of dating this guy, its also become oddly apparent that he has had 2 very different relationships with us both.

    So, getting to my question…

    The other woman and I are 100\% certain this man is a sociopath…perhaps a narcissist as well, and definitely a pathological liar. Now that he knows that her and I met, he is stone walling us both – we just do not exist for him anymore. I am quite ok with that, but she feels she needs “closure”. I have suspected for some time that he has a mental disorder, and have done lots of research online, and so I am aware of the impossibility of any type of closure with him, and am just trying to forget and move on.

    Question: Is it safe to assume that he knows he is a sociopath? And what about his close friends/family – would they likely know as well?

    Also, he always has a presence on the dating websites – unless of course he is in the process of fooling another victim, at which point he will take his profile down for a few months, until her suspicions cease. I would love to stop him from emotionally damaging more & more women…but how?? I can’t even imagine how many he has “been through” to date – he is in his mid- 40s so the number must be quite frightening.

    Advice and opinions welcome. Just trying to know if there is anything I can do to try and save the women he will undoubtedly abuse. I do not wish that pain on anyone

    Thanks

  • #40161

    Synergy
    Participant

    Gosh – that’s a very, very good question. I’m guessing that the dating site (sites?) would not allow you go post a warning. But you could try — only thing is you’d need to pay for a subscription, and then eventually your membership would run out, and they you’d be back to Square One.

    Is there one (or more) newspaper or craig’s list in your area, that have personals ads? Maybe you could post a warning there. However, I would expect that you shouldnt post the guy’s name. How about a description, h is occupation and other things that would identify him? Maybe something like this: “Don’t date this sociopath! He’s 6 feet two inches tall, big blue eyes you could drown in, wears a hat, dresses well, is a dentist…lves in south Boston, in a big house. hobbies include…Beware this guy! At first he will take you to your favorite music venues, art shows, movies, [whatever]…he’ll come across at first like a real gentleman and ______________, then he will [start putting you down a teeny bit, gradually getting you used to his putdown “jokes” and accuse you of being “too sensivite,” or “can’t take a joke.” and eventually will _______]_He will ruin your life. Stay away! You could run this in craig’s list indefnitely, if you keep renewing it once a week,I think. Maybe the newspaper would charge you for a personals ad. Ours didn’t use to , but now I think they do.

  • #40163

    anoli777
    Participant

    OK I have same question.
    But I have a hard proof that not only he is seeing others/talking to others/buying tickets to fly to see them, sending them naked pictures while he was sending me “serious relationship/I wan to have a child with you/I love you so much” type of messages and was seeing me, coming with flowers, trying to get to know my children
    But what is most disturbing: he is living with a girl at the same time for few years!!!!! It maybe even possibly his wife!
    He has access to her Facebook account so she cannot be contacted

    I have hard proofs that he is living with her.
    I have hard proofs-his messages that he was cheating on her with me and at the same time trying to get relationships from other women or asking for sex.
    He is currently on online dating site with his profile and pictures etc.
    He mostly circuits among single moms and mostly within our ethnic group.

    I am so tempted to post his profile pic in one of the major local moms’ group warning them….As well as sending print outs of his texts to his wife (I know where they live, I know her car, and I know how to find her brother)
    But I am too nervous if this is a right thing to do.
    But to me it looks like I witnessed a fraud and need to act on it.
    What he is doing is wrong and hurtful.

    Besides I have all his texts where he denies that the girl he is living with is his wife or girlfriend and that he has no relationship with her, she just lives like a roommate and is moving out…(she will be surprised to know that I am sure)

    What should I do???

  • #40168

    winterk
    Participant

    Mine had a “roomate” as well. Let me guess…he told you she is crazy. They tell you about how crazy these other women are so you won’t contact them. He recently moved out. He always told me that he owned the house until I looked it up and saw she owned the house. I also found where two years ago she took him to court for not paying rent. I’m guessing she kicked him out for good this time. That’s why he was pushing to be with me. He needed new supply. Yes, I have the urge to verify the information with her, but at the same time I want to be free of him. I feel as though she would tell him I was inquiring. I have no desire to warn other woman.They won’t listen. He would tell them how jealous and crazy you were. You would lose. Don’t try to out manipulate the manipulator. You know too well if you were warned you would have still had a relationship with yours. The sexual chemistry is too addictive. My body still is in withdrawals…nothing comes close to the physical high I experienced. Everyone’s stories are so similar it’s almost as though we are speaking of the same man. lol

    jandd,
    Yours and the other woman’s relationships were different because he mirrored you both and matched what was your ideal. So he became that for each one of you. I try to remember that I fell in love with my dreams, not him….

  • #40179

    ppath
    Participant

    You guys realize there are cheating scumbags who aren’t sociopaths or psychopaths right? Sociopaths might tend toward the cheating scumbag side, but psychopaths, despite having zero empathy, often live by a code.

  • #40180

    Jandd
    Participant

    Of course I do realize there are just plain old scumbags – I am not a dramaqueen who wishes to over exaggerate a situation just for the sake of it. This guy is emotginally abusive, manipulative, a liar about just things…anything, great sex, promiscuous, no empathy, always the victim and never at fault…I mean every single trait that I have read about spaths or ppaths…he has it. So although it is only my assumption as I do not know if he is diagnosed or aware himself, I think its a pretty strong one. Just sayin…

  • #40181

    Jandd
    Participant

    Hi ppath… What does “live by a code” mean please?

  • #40185

    Sunnygal
    Participant

    Other women probably wouldn’t believe you and would have to learn for themselves IMO.

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