How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Sociopaths, narcissists, psychopaths as partners › Can someone tell me what kind of man this is?
July 28, 2017 at 1:11 pm #41658mary1969Participant
Ook I screwed up and had an online affair that turned physical. It was with an old coworker from ten years ago. I never knew him. Never really talked to him. So ten years later I’m going through depression, mood swings ect. And he pops up on Facebook. He asks why we never had any “meaningful” conversations back then. I told him I was married and loved my husband. Two weeks later he pops up and starts flirting and telling me how beautiful and sexy I am. Well turns out he is stationed in Korea. He continues the flirting and boy did I fall for it. He told me to download Viber so we could talk privately. He told me how to use it and how to delete things. I never contacted him. He always contacted me. Always flirty and telling me how beautiful i was. I ate it up. After a couple of months he asked me to buy him a sports watch. He sent the money to my work. I don’t know why he asked me to do it and not his family. He then bought me a couple of shirts from Korea and sent them to my work. Later he turned it sexual. Sending me a picture of his penis. Then he kept bugging me for full body nude pictures that showed my face. He never sent me any full dody shots. Then we started talking dirty. I felt it wasn’t a big deal since he was on the other side of the world. Then one day he texted and said he would be here in two days. I was paniced. I didn’t know what to do. I met him on the base in his car. He was charming. But he said this was only a fuck buddy thing as I was married and he had a girlfriend. So we tried to have sex but he had ED problems. Then a cop drove by and that ended it. Two days later he rented a separate room and I met him there. He was in a hurry, said his daughter thought he was jogging. He wanted me to do things we had talked about. I said I couldn’t and he seemed to get mad. Well, very little forplay, and more ED problems. Then he just got up and left. I felt very used. Weeks later he texted and asked how it was…well I couldn’t tell him he sucked and he had a very small penis so I said “good”. Then he starts bragging about how he knocked it out. This is the guy that told me for a month prior to his coming here that he was so great in bed. Better than my husband he said…not. well we texted for a few more months off and on. Then he wanted video chat. I told him no. He would always answer “boo!” and keep bugging me till I gave in. He told me how to set up my laptop and told me to take my shirt off and talk dirty. I said no and he got pushy. I took my shirt off and he masterbated. I felt so cheap. Anter that everytime he asked I told him my laptop was broke. More texting and pictures continued. Then he came back from Korea and showed up again. This time I went over to end it. But when I got there he was kinda drunk and I felt scared. He made me sit there while he drank and watched the ball game. I couldn’t get my mouth to work. So he’s done and starts taking my clothes off. I said stop but he didn’t. Once again no forplay. He did bite me and it hurt. Massive ED problems. He beat off more than he had sex. It hurt me physically. Then he just quit and went into the bathroom for ten minutes. I think to jack off. When he came out he said “how was it? I said I had better. His mouth fell open in disbelief and he got angry and said “you know it was good!”. So I went in the bathroom. It took 20 minutes for the pain to go away. I felt he really used me like a whore. I came out he ignored me like nothing happened. So I went home. Two weeks later he texts asking how it was. I just said good and he starts bragging again. Every time he texted after that he would ask how good he was. Then he would talk about how he was playing with himself as much as he could. Everytime I posted something about how I loved my husband or I was happy he would pop up. Demanding grosser pictures.it was humiliating. Even on my anniversary. He would tell me what kind of pictures he wanted and what to insert into myself. It was humiliating. Then he would talk nasty about my pictures. What he would do if he was here. He would ask me if he could do nasty things and I just said yes. then he would say “GOOD!” I was so humiliating and I wanted it to end but I was affraid. Then I got caught. He said “hope you work it out, take care, bye”. And after those two years it came to me, he always said I was so sexy but he never once said he liked me. And after he came back from Korea I never knew where he really lived. He said Texas, Delaware, Virginia. And the more I thought about it the more I had to admit I knew nothing about him. Nothing except he was divorced and had two daughters. I was so stupid. He had it all set up to disapear and not be found. But he was in the military so my husband found him. I filed a police report against him with the military police. Adultery is against the UCMJ and they got his hotel receipt and text messages along with about 25 pictures of his little dick and sent them to his commander. His commander gave him a no contact order. He retired a year later and got a government job on an AF base in Texas. This affair was six months of biss (text messages) and a year and a half of humiliation. Can somebody tell me, does he sound like a narcissist? Sociopath? Or just an asshole?
July 28, 2017 at 2:25 pm #41659mary1969Participant
I must add I feel so stupid for falling for this. But when I was hooked I actually felt happy and free. I could not think of anything bad about him. He was just so charming in his text. At first..in person he changed and later on I could not wait until he lost interest in me. But in the beginning I didn’t think how this would affect my family. Why? I love my family. I feel so stupid and ashamed. I took his abuse and humiliation. I couldn’t end it. I was scared. Scared he would tell my husband. Scared he would tell our old coworkers. But in the end he did tell one old coworker. He must have told him some big lies cause he showed up her and messaged me he wanted to have a threesome to. Said I knew people that would do it and I should bring them to his hotel. I was angry. None of that ever happened. I guess my affair partner told him he had turned me into his slut. Along with a bunch of wild sex lies. Humiliating.
July 28, 2017 at 8:00 pm #41662Jan7Participant
Mary1969, what a nightmare. This predator of a man used words to suck you in. Sociopaths are masterful at manipulating people with words & they are masterful at pushing peoples boundaries to get what they want. They just keep pushing & pushing & pushing until you give in, even though it is against your principles & ethics they will get their way.
The pictures he took of you was for several reasons…1) to have control over you so that you would continue the affair with him 2) to use as a threat 3) to toy with your spouse even if he did not know him 4) to use later to gratify himself by himself.
This is a sick man. His “ED” issues may indicate he has a porn addiction. One of the signs is not being able to have sex with a real person and being quick about it. The fact there was no emotional connection with you before or after sex does lead to him being a sociopath narcissist or a narcissist. Either way, get this man out of your life & your families life he is bad news!!
My ex h had the same issue. The first time we had sex he lasted 30 seconds if even that. My face must have showed what I was thinking “what the hell was that”!!! He said to me that he was “just excited” and “would last longer the next time”. I didnt want there to be a “next time”. After we were married he started to leave his porn mag out i.e. next to the bed etc. I was livid the first time that he did this, I threw them out and expressed my dislike for this kind of man that would have these types of mag. He told me that one of his friend s gave him the mag. Which was just another one of his LIE!!
Later in the marriage when he had a computer, he invited me to on his business trip and while he was out, I went on line on his computer & porn sites came up in the history. I started to look around in his computer & he has sex movies & photos etc. I was shocked & livid. I called him told him I was packing & going home. He rushed back gave me “I love you” blah blah blah etc. This after just finding out he had a two year affair with a co-worker and begged me to stay.
In the movie Wolf of Wall Street, about a sociopaths they show him lasting only like a minute during a sex scene.
What I have read since leaving him is porn is twice as addicting to cocaine.
There is no doubt my ex was a sex addict with these porn sites & cheated from day one but hid it well.
This guy that sucked you into his dysfunctional grips seems to have a porn addiction and in Asia the sex trade industry is ramped. No doubt he was trolling endlessly on line & in the Asia market. Read up on porn addiction.
Most sex addicts are sociopaths. It is estimated that 70-90% of sex addicts are sociopaths.
I’m sorry that you have had to deal with this nightmare. You were brave & right to contact his leaders & expose him.
Not sure if your husband found out? I think you state this but not sure? If he did its good that he knows because now this guy can not black mail you.
As for all of the picture of you that he took. They maybe posted on sex websites. If this is the case check your state to see if they have a revenge photo law i.e. California has this and someone can get arrested for posting revenge nude photos of a past relationship.
Dont feel ashamed or embarrassed hon. These evil types know how to con a good person into their con game. Glad that you are searching the net to learn more about his guy…he definitely has a personalty disorder.
KEEP THIS GUY OUT OF YOUR LIFE. Do a search up at the top of LF for “grey rock” and also “no contact rule. And do a search on the net for sociopath no contact rule & then narcissist no contact rule.
Make your social media private!! Block him and tight set privacy control on your social media also.
Focus on your marriage & your husband & kids.
Wishing you all the best. Take care.
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