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Cyber monitoring

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  jcc2018 5 months ago.

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  • #45564

    traumatized41
    Participant

    So i have probably about a month of solid no contact. But my issue is this. I am STILL checking for texts and blocked calls from him. And, I am still checking his facebook and criminal background page. Part of this is because I am still going to pursue charges against him (now in waiting from 30 day demand letter) and I think it is also from amazement at what he did to me, and no longer having the constant reinforcement of his texts and calls. I am not going to contact him and I feel strong in that commitment. But I also know it would probably be easier and healthier for me to not check any of this at all. Does anyone have any suggestions in how to better avoid these things? I have his calls blocked and his texts go to archives.

  • #45577

    jcc2018
    Participant

    Hi, I understand exactly what your going though as I just went through the same exact thing with my EX Sociopath. I was pursuing him in criminal court for what he did to me so I was always checking all of his social media etc and it made me feel like my every thought was being consumed by this nightmare! Trust me I know exactly how your feeling. It makes you feel so sick inside. Do your best to try to stay busy doing something you enjoy and something that is good for your soul it will help you. I am here for you and I know your struggle. I also stopped talking to my close friends and family about any of this because no one truly gets it..unless someone has personally been affected by one of these Evil people they will never understand what you are going through. Stay strong!

    • #45585

      traumatized41
      Participant

      Glad to hear im not the only one jcc. Its all so upsetting. Im just waiting for another charge from someone else to appear. I guess thats why there seems to be somewhat of a debate on whether a victim should pursue charges because its a battle that may or may not work, and it keeps you tied in a way to the sp. But, i would like to see some sort of justice. I know i will never see a penny regardless. Im going to do my best not to look at any of that stuff. The day before i go in with my complaint i will check. Once i look at one thing its an hour later which is not good for me! He has done enough damage to me. I want to move on and let go. We both deserve for the sp’s torture to subside. 🙂

  • #45578

    paula70
    Participant

    Hi traumatized41, I wish I had some sound advice for you,but it´s been like six months now of his long absent silent treatment ( which I mistook for discard) and all the while I kept cyber monitoring…I tried everything,every trick in the books, but I kept coming back to his online profiles,his blog,his wordpress,etc. Eventually I read some reference to me,to us,that he posted,and unblocked him. And he contacted me. And the whole hellish cycle began again. Yeah, I tripped and fell,badly. So,all I can say to you is this: stay firm stay strong in your commitment,build your no contact a bit stronger each day. If you can´t help cyber-snooping don´t feel bad about yourself, you will,in time. Just ,whatever you read,whatever you see,DO NOT REACT DO NOT UNBLOCK DO NOT LET THE SICKNESS IN AGAIN. I wish you the best.

  • #45587

    AnnettePK
    Participant

    Traumatized,

    Continuing to check into his online presence may be partly habit, partly due to the legal process which ties you to his existence until it’s resolved, and perhaps partly to confirm that he really is the evil monster you now know he is.

    In my own experience it was a gradual process in which I more and more often resisted the urge to check in on the ex psychopath. I socialized more with other people and got back to my previous activities that I hadn’t participated in during the psychopath years. In this way, I gradually reduced to zero the time I spent thinking about the ex spath and checking in on him. I eventually blocked him and his family members because I felt safer that he not know any details about my life. At first it’s more difficult when one is breaking the habit of thinking and acting about the ex, but each time you resist and consciously put your attention on something else, it gets easier and it develops a habit of not thinking about him and of doing and thinking about other good things and people in our lives.

    You won’t have complete no contact until the legal actions are done. When the divorce from the fake ‘marriage’ to my ex psychopath was finalized, and I no longer had to have limited contact with him about tax return matters, it was a big step to freedom from him.

    I still receive google alerts when my ex spath’s name comes up somewhere on the internet. I feel safer that I would know if he makes the news for some reason, if his name turns up in a family member’s (or his own) obituary, or the like. I know that he is aware of my existence; and if he ever thinks it would benefit him in some way and he thinks he wouldn’t get caught, there is nothing restraining him from harming me. I keep in mind his potential dangerousness. I do what I can to keep my whereabouts and activities private.

  • #45590

    jcc2018
    Participant

    Hi Traumatized, The advice the other ladies on here gave you is very helpful and AnnettePK just put it in the exact words perfectly! 🙂 she is exactly right because you are still in legal actions with him its almost impossible to not want to constantly check up on him etc. The same thing happened to me I pressed criminal charges on my Ex Sociopath back on 12-29-2017 and pursued it with the state attorneys office. He was charged for the crime BUT because he was a “first time offender” he Was able to apply to the courts to only receive probahation and community service and he was only made to pay about a 1\4 of the restitution money I was asking. My state attorney said for any possible additional resitutuon from him I will now have to sue my Ex Sociopath in civil court. So..sounds like your taking action against your EX in civil court right? My state attorney also told me do not be surprised if my EX does not pay me any of the ordered restitution he said he sees criminals not paying it back ALL the time! He said as long as my EX completes his 1 year of probahation and community service the charges will be dropped and the restitution money if not paid will just go onto his credit as a bad debt and not bad that’s it. I think your doing the right thing by pursuing your EX in court like you said to put something else on his record atleast. I was gonna drop the charges in the very beginning of my legal actions with my Ex because I was terrified to have to face him in court and it was initially too hard to wrap my head around what he did but I am glad I went through with it. Stay strong..you can do this.

  • #45598

    traumatized41
    Participant

    Jcc, the criminal charge that kind of stuck, was it theft by deception? I am HOPING I can get a criminal charge through the DA at know I have a slim chance. If not then civil. At least with criminal he may spend a little time in jail or on probation. The civil suits against him he has never even bothered to show for court. He has criminal and civil histories. The police took it to the DA who I guess said its civil but now i think i get my own chance to take it to the DA. Its so tiring. And sad. Thank you for responding.

  • #45599

    jcc2018
    Participant

    Hey Traumatized,The police were trying to get several charges to stick one was Grand Theft Auto because my EX stole my brand new car plus the theft by deception that you are asking about because my EX stole a few thousand from my bank account the same morning he stole my car.However,stupid me back then completley trusted him and he knew my debit card pin number and in the past had permission to use my debit card so they said it would be too hard to prove on my part and just to go after the Grand theft Auto charge so that’s what I did. Wow so your EX had many prior criminal and civil suits against him? Can you say Evil!! So I am hoping that means in your case this will NOT be a first time offender like it was with my EX right? I would think the Prosecutor in your case would be ready and interested to go after him then. Sounds like the police in both of our cases were very willing to help us and cared but they can only do so much. I know it..all of this mess is SO tiring and sad but now we know that Evil exists out there and its disguised as good. Never again will I allow anyone access to my car..money..bank emotions etc.

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