Do NOT poke the Sleeping bear

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Sunnygal 8 months ago.

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  • #45836


    Well, it has been one solid year since I had any contact with the sociopath. And now I have the very destructive urge to poke the sleeping bear. I have a screen shot of a social media post where his daughter celebrates her stepfather, and not him, on Father’s Day. It says, “Family are the people who want you in their lives.”

    This post was written by his daughter the same year he married his wife, a woman he told me cheated on him and left him. His wife has now contacted ME three or four times, indicating that he wants to get back together with her, and asking me for the details of our relationship.

    I told her a few things, enough to let her know that he was a pathological liar and a cheat, BECAUSE SHE ASKED ME TO – repeatedly. Then, although she said that she “didn’t want to make trouble” she blamed me for his/their problems. I do not feel responsible. He always represented himself as available, and claimed their divorce was imminent. He said that his wife (his “ex”, as he stated) was unhinged, and, of course, I believed him.

    I really wanted to help her, and she said that she wanted to know the facts, but then she turned on me. Well, she can never say that no one ever warned her. I intend to keep no contact — with both of them. I know the Hell that she is going through, and I really feel badly for her, but apparently I cannot help her until she is ready.

  • #45838


    What a tough situation. Brava on no contact!
    My sp never uses last names so I don’t know his exes am I’m sure they don’t know me. All I keep thinking is that you have helped her. She didn’t call out of the blue. She had a reason. She was probably told some lie about you and she already suspects that it isnt true. Her own internal red flags are waving. All you can do is hope she sees the real him.
    I’m glad to hear you say you dont feel responsible. I’m learning that lesson myself. It’s a powerful one!

  • #45839


    Thank you, shescomeundone. Your recent writing has helped me quite a bit. I had no reason not to believe his lies, at the beginning. The first time that his wife contacted me, I was practically living with the monster. We were planning on getting a place together, in fact I gave him a substantial down payment for that purpose. He said he was cash strapped because of “the divorce”. He actually gambled the money away. Sigh.

    I told him to [email protected]*k off right after her first phone call, where she said, “How do you know my husband?” (She had apparently gotten my number from his cell phone bill, for which he said he forgot to change the address.) She had secretly made it a three way call, and he phoned me right afterward.

    His explanation was that now that his “ex” realized someone else was in the picture she was having second thoughts. I told him that marriage was a sacred bond, and that he should definitely consider going back to her. He claimed that he only wanted to be with me now, and flattered and lovesick, I believed him.

    His lies were, at times, masterful. At other times the lies were ridiculous, and I would call him out on it. “How long have you had your S.A.G. (Screen Actors’ Guild) card?”

    I taunted him about the real whoppers when I was trying desperately to get away from him, which only attracted him to me like a magnet. His last line of lies designed to get money out of me, I simply pretended to believe, while my friend and I made fun of the idiocy behind his back. He said he needed an operation to remove a blockage which caused migraines. “Is it a brain transplant? I certainly hope so.” He thought I was just teasing, because I bought his previous bs.

    With the help of that friend, I finally left him and moved out of state. Without her steady guidance, telling me what I already understood at some level of my unconscience, I stopped trying to get my money back from him and just thanked my lucky stars that I was alive and well and away from the psycho.

    Really, his wife helped ME to truly understand the extent of his duplicity. Without her offering the truth to counter his lies, I might have gone back yet again. I am a believer in redemption, but not for sociopaths. I wish that US courts and prisons had a better understanding of the PCL-R, and how to use it for the purposes of sentencing and parole. I was not the only one that he scammed, and he is now facing an indictment. I am not one of the complaining witnesses, though. I just want to never see him again.

  • #45842

    Donna Andersen

    Brain transplant! I love it!

    I’m glad you’re away from him.

  • #45843


    Thank you, Donna for all that you do. By the way, I recommended this website to his wife and she said she would check it out. I sincerely hope she does. She has children, one of them is a seventeen year old girl. I really worry for their safety.

  • #46045


    Good on no contact.

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