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Do you ask for compensation for the emotional torment?

This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Stargazer 3 weeks ago.

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  • #42272

    rosy
    Participant

    Hello all,

    This forum has helped me a lot. I have one more question to ask:

    1. When you speak to attorneys to attempt to settle your divorce case through peaceful means/no court, do you ever think of asking for a compensation from your psychopath/sociopath for all the mental/emotional/physical torment he has been causing in your life once you find out the deception and manipulation he has used against you?

    I would rather keep things off the court as it might get too complicated for both of us, so I was thinking no matter how my husband hurt me, maybe he is sick and he thought it was normal? (I compare this to alzheimers patients, as you won’t blame them for not remembering certain things). If this is how they are wired, to use and abuse people and I had no idea about these disorders, trusting him, IS IT WORTH to even ask for any sort of compensation other than your fair share in the divorce? (he has to sell the house, that’s pretty much it).

    I was also thinking that I don’t want to make my psychopath further agitated once he finds out I am gone and asking for divorce. I have enjoyed spending time with him throughout our marriage NOT knowing who he really is. I thought he was a respectable guy and a true professional on stage with 22 year military experience and so on, we had successful businesses together, travelled and had fun. I have gone through emotional havoc throughout my marriage trying to genuinely protect my husband from a lot of nonsense with his ex’s, kids, colleagues, family, friends, but finding out he was the one at fault and I have been aiding by abetting makes me sick to my stomach! I have been basically assisting a lying, cheating criminal, a child abuser, sex maniac, racist, sexist. I feel like I have been blind not to see this, but his love bombing concealed everything really well. Nothing he told me was true about his identity and anything you could possibly imagine.

    I have so many recording that if anyone listens to, he will probably be locked up, be deemed dangerous for the society, etc. He makes money by lying too and that’s another thing he would be in trouble with if anyone finds out (he has too much at stake to lose). My only concern is If the person is sick maybe I should take some responsibility (not figuring him out in the beginning, doing background checks etc) and not blame him for all his ridiculous lies, deception, manipulation and std? I would only understand knowing that he is incapable of change (meaning he had 5+ wives I never knew about and he is still the same!), that it is a genetic condition and that these people are incapable of love or empathy.

    What do you think? Is it worth asking for anything else than my fair share when I meet an attorney in a few days?

    I appreciate your responses.

    Thank you.
    Rosy.

  • #42285

    Donna Andersen
    Keymaster

    Rosy – Your goal should be to get out as quickly and cleanly as possible. A strategy may be to ask for compensation for emotional “pain and suffering,” and then drop the demand as part of the negotiations. That way he will think that he has “won” by paying you a lesser amount.

  • #42333

    rosy
    Participant

    Thank you Donna,
    Thanks to you and all the support I received on your site, I am OUT! Today I loaded my massive bags into Uber and thanking you from a safe place, where I can finally evaluate what happened and plan a strategy moving forward.
    I would probably join the webinar tonight.
    Regards,
    Rosy.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 1 day ago by  rosy.
  • #42335

    Jan7
    Participant

    Hi Rosy, so glad you posted today! Are you safe now?? I am so proud of you Rosy!! YOU ARE FREE!!! CONGRATULATION ON ALL OF YOUR PLANNING TO GET OUT!!! I am so happy for you hon!!!๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ

    Just to let you know that dealing with a sociopath in marriage is hell, dealing with a sociopath in divorce court is the BOTTOM of HELL.

    While you are a good person, thinking that it would be easier to use mediation instead of going thru court, you must realize that once your husband finds out that you have left him & divorcing him he will move into the “destroy you mode” most likely. By starting a sociopath smear campaign against you so that you dont expose him & also try to continue to destroy you emotionally to control you & for you to have an emotional break down. This is what they love to do..break someone down fully. The divorce process is a fun game to them. They love to control the spouse, kids, judge, court personal, everyone!!

    Remember they know how to con everyone! Including the mediator & judge!!

    Just think how your husband treated you horribly in your marriage, then magnify that by 1000 and that is what you will get during this divorce process when dealing with him.

    DONT BE NICE TO HIM BY thinking he is not healthy in the mind & you need to take the responsibility of his horrible behavior!!

    Dont show him PITTY…sociopaths love for people to show them empathy & then they will destroy you stealth. Like a cat playing with a mouse!!

    Google: Sociopath pity play

    YOU OWE HIM NOTHING!!

    Treat this divorce as a business meeting. Be professional but look out for your future well being. And dont expect the lawyer to look out for your financial future. His agenda will be to bill you. Mediators will not stop a sociopath from pushing your buttons in mediation.

    In the US there are books on Financial divorce. (most likely in the country you are in too). Just go to a big book store chain they have a divorce section & a section of financial divorce.

    For instance if you have been married over 13 years in the US you are entitled to a portion of their social security check if you dont remarry. Also you might be entitled to his pension if he has one. Lawyers will most likely not tell you this.

    My advise is get a lawyer that โ€œgetsโ€ sociopath abuse.

    Second advise = Listen to Donna = get out QUICK!!!!!

    The quicker you get the divorce over with the quicker you can heal.

    Most sociopath will drag on the divorce process to control their spouse!!

    BEWARE he is not going to be nice in mediation or court!!!

    I am very proud of you for taking steps to get out of your abusive marriage.

    Wishing you all the best!!

    Take care.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 1 day ago by  Jan7.
  • #42337

    Jan7
    Participant

    btw in the USA you can hire a lawyer to mediate for you before you ever have to go to divorce court. Not sure about where you live.

  • #42348

    Stargazer
    Participant

    Rosy, I’ve done a little research in the past and spoken to attorneys about suing for infliction of emotional and psychological stress. I have found that it’s really hard to get a judgment for this unless you can show concrete costs relating to the stress, such as if you were hospitalized for depression or have high therapy bills directly relating to the situation. But I really like Donna’s idea a lot. It cannot hurt to ask for compensation and then be willing to use it as a negotiating tool.

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