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Hi,
I’ve been divorced from a sociopath for over 5 years. My ex’s new wife contacted me via FB asking if I would mind talking to her so she could ask a few questions. She then said, “I feel hopeless.”
I was shocked to get this communication from her. I have moved across the country and didn’t even know her name. I heard my ex remarried but I knew nothing more than that.
I feel very sorry for this new wife. I’m sure she’s confused and can’t figure out why she feels like she’s going crazy.
My question is, do I try and help her? Even if I could, should I? I am free from this guy now, but helping her would suck me back into that madness, even for a short time. The energy alone makes me want to run. Everything that is near that guy is cray-cray. And she would go back to him numerous times before finally leaving (like I did). ?
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still recovering – Do what is best for your recovery. That may mean declining to speak to her – although I would at least respond and say something like, “I’m very sorry but I can’t speak to you.” Or, if it would make you feel a bit better to help her out, you can do that. If so, you could also set limits – like perhaps one conversation.
The bottom line is that you must put yourself first. If validating her would help your recovery, that’s a bonus.
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Still recovering, as always Donna has given sound advise. I just wanted to add that you could simple send her an email stating that you would recommend the book “Red Flags 10 signs you are dating a sociopath” by Donna Anderson and also “Husband Liar Sociopath” by O.Ward for her to read to unravel the nightmare she has been living. (both are listed at the top of Lovefraud under the Book store tab).
You can also direct her here to Lovefraud and the site Psychopathyawreness. wordpress. com. If you don’t want her to see this post, simply ask Donna to delete it.
I personally am a big opponent for giving a helping hand to someone who has just crawled out of hell. I was lucky enough after escaping my ex h to be directed by a friend, to a counselor who was extremely knowledgeable about sociopathic abuse. I’m grateful for leaning the truth. I cant imagine where I would be had I not had a counselor tell me the truth on the very first day.
I had been to marriage counseling (three different counselors) and despite giving all the traits of a sociopath when describing my ex h, without knowing what I was describing about my then h, not one counselor helped me out of the abusive marriage I was in, nor did they ever ask if he was emotional, mental, verbal or physically abusive towards me. This could be the case for her.
When someone writes: “I feel helpless”, for me this is when you get involved to give the person a life saver. One phone conversation with her or a email back with book info would help her out of her depths of hell she has been living in.
Set your boundaries with her. And pass on life saving info, if you wish too. You just may saver her life.
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