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Feeling Lucky I got out Quickly

This topic contains 0 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  corcorangirl 8 months, 2 weeks ago.

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    corcorangirl
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    I have been involved with my Sociopath on/off for a year. I have never endured such a wide range of emotions In my life. I feel so grateful to have found this site and to read the book psychopath free. I let this user into my life for the third time at Christmas. He promised me he had changed, he wanted to lead a normal life, and wanted me back. In my heart I knew he probably was getting kicked out of somewhere and needed a place to live but I gave him one last chance. BIG Mistake.

    I never even thought that he was a sociopath until I started googling and I sat here with my mouth wide open as I read the very words he repeated to me over and over again. ” You over think everything”. ” You cause Drama”, ” You need to see a DR for your mental illness”. ” You are crazy”. I begged him to ” Be nicer”, asked him to apologize for calling me a creep, slob, tiny brained, retard, etc. NEVER once did he apologize. He would punish me by giving me a silent treatment, withholding affection, and calling me annoying. He even had me agreeing to go see a psychiatrist because he made me feel so crazy. I have never cried so much in my life as in the three times he lived with me on and off this year. My heart breaks for all of you are in this type of relationship for years. I personally don’t think I could’ve handled it. He made my life so miserable I would not eat for days, I would take double Ambien to sleep, and I kept it a secret from all of my friends and family that he was back in my life so I have no support system.

    Finally, I kicked him out again for the third time and this time I didn’t even cry. I felt such a relief when he walked out that door. Keep in mind, he did not walk out until he had vandalized my house. Like the child he is, he threw drawers on the floor, kicked furniture, and ranted like a maniac.

    Despite all of this I still am doubting my own mental insanity. Am I the psychopath? Did I drive him to be this way? Was everything my fault? Did my constant detective work drive him to act this way? I know in my heart, the answers are NO but he brainwashed me into thinking that everything was my fault and I would apologize in the end for basically just asking him to be nice like a normal human being. I would scream at him and ask him don’t you have a conscience? Don’t you care how you hurt people? He would just sit there with a blank look in his face.

    I’m on Day Three of no contact and so far so good. I have no desire to reach out to him at all but a part of me can’t help but think of who is he with? Is he treating them nice? How can he just leave and already have somewhere else to go. This was the case each time I kicked him out. He always managed to weasel his way into someone else’s home. He would always say he was at his “Aunt’s house but of course I always knew that was a lie.

    I’m not sure why I even posted this other then I guess I need validation that I was dealing with a terrible terrible person. This person who supposedly loved me and wanted to marry me, called me horrible horrible names and treated me like I was the biggest piece of dirt. He’s doing this to a person who was so good to him. I helped him get his drivers license back, I paid for everything, and I let him live here for free. In return, I got absolutely nothing. He did nothing but use me. Maybe I just need to write those words. I am 42 years old and I have never come across anyone like him before. I have a great career, great family, and I am almost in shock that I fell for this but thanks to reading all of your stories, I know I will stay strong.

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