July 7, 2018 at 2:47 am #46203
I am a recent addition to this forum and have been spending a little time reading through some of the posts here. Many of them resonate with an eerie familiarity. My story? What led me here? I have just established a no contact rule with an ex partner I am pretty sure is a narcissist. I feel the need to share my story now, to get the poison out, to commit this to print so I can get it straight in my head. So what’s my story? In March 2017 I began a new relationship with an ex work colleague. It was incredible, it made me feel good about myself, made me feel alive, made me feel special. I had 6 months previously finished my last relationship with another work colleague, who is also I think is a narcissist. Bad idea? You bet! Worse is the fact that the two women were friends, are probably still friends. Stupid I know. Long story short we moved in together after 8 weeks, it was intense, passionate and fulfilling. I loved and felt loved, we laughed, we shared and we had so much fun. I was hooked. So what happened? What went wrong? She changed, became someone else, something else. With hindsight I see the games starting earlier, subtle and sneaky. Little buttons being pushed, little niggles which were hard to explain, impossible to prove, but left me feeling unsettled. Of course I had bared my soul to her by this time, and clearly my previous relationship had filled her in on other things, so she had all the ammo she needed. By January I was on anti anxiety meds as her manipulations intensified , am still on them, and the pressure she exerted never let up. It was only a chance comment from a work colleague who had been in a relationship with a narcissist that saved Me, helped me to see what I was living through. Thank God she did this, I was clueless. I then spent a month doing the obvious thing, I tried to heal my narcissist, what else would you do? Eejit. Fortunately I realised this pretty soon and broke it off, saw no other option. Unfortunately we shared the lease on our property and she asked to stay for the 3 months until it expired as she going to move back to her home country. We cohabited for 3 months, tried to be pleasant, I did at any rate. We continued sleeping together, I know I know but the sex had been incredible throughout, and then finally she was gone. 850 miles and the North Sea between us. It wasn’t enough, got to love technology. We maintained daily contact for the first fortnight, she was a hard habit to break, and I still had the hope that once away from me she would come to her senses, yes I know I’m an eejit. Obviously the games recommended after a fortnight so I reduced my contact to the point of sending her updates on the cat every few days. Still the games persisted so yesterday I did what I should have done from day one, established no contact. Done. Finished. Over. So how do I feel? Pretty good to be honest. I have read so much on the topic of narcissists since that chance conversation, and have come to realise it was not my fault, that she was the architect of her own downfall. I have kept a journal since she left, recording details of the things I saw in our relationship, the things I heard, and most importantly the things I felt. What has helped me most is seeing on blogs and web pages how many of the narcissist tricks she played, how our relationship could be held up as a blueprint for the dysfunctional narcissist/co-dependent relationship. Letting go of the blame has helped, letting go of her even more so.
Thank you for reading this.
- This topic was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by jarisbitch.
July 8, 2018 at 1:35 pm #46211
jarisbitch – you are describing classic sociopathic or narcissistic behavior. Yes, it’s hard to get used to the idea that someone can be so disordered and there is not cure.
Now it is crucial to stay strong. Sometimes when they sense they are losing control, they swing back to being loving and romantic. Don’t fall for it. Maintain No contact.
July 11, 2018 at 1:01 am #46236
Thank you. I have still maintained no contact, she has cooperated in this So fingers crossed. I feel sure that she will have found somebody else already, and she is a social media junkie, so if not will be using this to draw in praise as she always did. I feel sorry for the poor soul who takes my place, but this is no longer my problem. I see the light at the end of the tunnel now, have no need for her anywhere in my life. I no longer feel the anxiety spike when I hear the front door open, the stress of what new game she will try today.
September 5, 2018 at 8:18 pm #46912
Hi. Just wondering if you (and others on here)
Realize that Empaths are attractive to Narcissists/Sociopaths? Once we learn what WE ARE, life becomes brighter. Once we understand then spotting these demons becomes a piece of cake! PS I am NOT into the New Age cult.
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