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Gaslighting

This topic contains 6 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Sunnygal 10 months ago.

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  • #39490

    howdoimoveon
    Participant

    I know that sociopaths gaslight and I’ve watched Donnas video explaining the idea but I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share their experiences?

    I’m not sure that my ex was a regular gaslighter and I’m not sure if it counts as gaslighting but I have to take some strong pain relief for my medical condition and despite the doctors saying that I was on the correct dose, my ex would question if I was becoming addicted to the meds. I would then question this in my mind (despite being medically trained) and believe that I was possibly getting addicted, despite deep down knowing that I wasn’t. Therefore, I would then take a reduced dose as my ex had suggested and be in pain all day and night. I should point out that my ex had no medical training at all and chose to not even learn about my disease. Another thing he did was when I then cried and sobbed as I was in so much pain and said ‘this pain is so bad I’d rather be dead’ and I assure you at the time I meant it, he said that I needed to be admitted to a ‘mental hospital’.

    Help…is this gaslighting or someone being a total A**hole? I’m new to all this and would appreciate clarification. Also I’d be grateful to hear other people’s experiences of gaslighting to see if I have had any similar experiences.

    Thank you!

  • #39851

    Ok, not an idiot
    Participant

    Hi, Unfortunately I have had my share of relationships with S-Paths. I think I am drawn to their craving for energy. Maybe because I have so much of my own. I stay away from any serious relationships because I just don’t trust myself yet. All that to say, it’s been my experience that manipulation in an attempt to confuse you or make you feel like you are going crazy from constantly second guessing what you know deep down to be right, is a tactic they use to gain an advantage over you or to control you. That’s gas lighting from my experience. So ask yourself, what does he have to gain from keeping you on lower doses of pain meds? Does he enjoy seeing you in pain? Is he attempting to control the situation so he can prove to your family members there is something wrong with you?

  • #39854

    betta
    Participant

    Gaslighting A**hole!! Thats a terrible terrible thing to do to someone. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Btw
    getting people committed to mental hospitals so they can be “rescuers” and victims suits Spaths quite nicely. They can walk in and out of the “relationship” anytime they want, they can be treated as a hero and martyr and they can still abuse you. Oh and they always have you trapped by your diagnosis, self esteem shattered, so it’ll be likely you’ll alway be willing to put up with their s**t. I’ve had several Spaths try that out on me
    after abuse. If you haven’t already, watch the 1944 movie Gaslight where the term comes from.

  • #39855

    Sunnygal
    Participant

    Wikipedia says gaslighting is psychological abuse in which a victim is manipulated into doubting their sanity. Instances range from denial by the abuser incidents occurred to staging bizarre events with the intention of disorienting the victim. It can also be trivializing pain. It sounds like this is what was done to you. I was involved with an aggressive psychopath who staged bizarre events and was happy to go no contact with him.

  • #39856

    Donna Andersen
    Keymaster

    Howdoimoveon – What you are describing is classic gaslighting. His objective is to get you to distrust your own perceptions and knowledge. And if you are in pain, you are easier to control. I hope you are rid of this guy.

  • #39864

    howdoimoveon
    Participant

    I had no idea he was gaslighting me. I genuinely thought that I was going crazy and that he had my best interests at heart. I’m shocked! Would it always have been intentional or could he have done this sub consciously?

    It’s beyond me how anyone can be so cruel. I’m a registered nurse and my automatic response is to care for others. The fact that someone could intentionally exploit another person makes me feel sick to my stomach and actually has made me lose faith in the humanity if others. I have no idea how I’m going to get this back. It’s my birthday tomorrow (Christmas Eve). Last year my Lupus was so bad I couldn’t cut my food up properly. We had planned to go to a restaurant for my birthday (I had to book it, he wouldn’t) and I remember him saying that we weren’t going to go unless I could cut my own food up, otherwise he’d be embarrassed. I have a life-long incurable disease which the doctors can’t get under control. If it was the other way round and he was the one who was sick I wouldn’t have given a damn what others thought, I would have cut his food up and cared for him and looked after him. I was able to cut my own food up, but obviously he was more bothered about image and what other people thought that about how I was. What a nasty horrid man.

  • #39865

    Sunnygal
    Participant

    howdoimoveon If your birthday is Dec. 24 and you are a Capricorn, you will move on and recover, I’ll bet.

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