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Recently, I received a large payment in the mail for money I loan the narcissist ex. A couple of months ago my best friend who is a male wrote him a letter stating that he was a loser and that he will expose him to his family for using people. When I received the money I checked with everyone that I knew (my family) that would send me this large some of money. No one could tell where the money came from. I realized that it was his handwriting and asked him why he had sent it after 6 months no contact (I know of no contact, so please this is not what I’m looking for).
He stated that he wanted to make peace with people from his past because he was in therapy. I told him not to send me anymore, because I wanted noting to do with him and that he is a covert narcissist that used me. Also, that I am glad that he’s seeking help but no money can undo the damage. I wished him luck and apologized for anything that I had done to hurt him (I compared him to my boyfriend who is amazing). He stated that if I did not want the money he would donate it to one of my favorite animal charities and give them my email so I can received proof that he paid the money. I said, “do what you like.” because I could not get him to tell me that he would stop sending the money. I was amazingly good to him, but did not take his crap. He told me that I will never hear from him again. I stated “likewise.”
He knows I have money and was really good to him, but he also knows I’m strong. I feel he’s lying and doesn’t want to be exposed,but I heard that a narcissist will never pay especially if they are broke. He stated he sold his motorcycle and for me not to think that he conned someone else for the money. Has he really changed or is this a set up for a future return?
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Nope. They never change. My advice: Stay Away!
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I see you’re the same lady who posted another thread as Equanimity113.
Although this guy you were previously dating (should we call him “HB”?) is a loser with obvious “issues” of some kind–including anger problems at times–I’m afraid I don’t see any convincing evidence from your story that he is a “narcissist.” Or a psychopath, or anything else in the “sociopathic” line. He could be, but in my view what you’ve told us about him doesn’t support that kind of diagnosis at all conclusively. What’s more, you have no evidence that he ever “conned” anybody to get the money he returned to you.
So to answer your question “is he sincerely working on change?” with therapy and so forth, the answer is that he could very well be doing just that. I know he’s not an alcoholic either, but one “step” in the AA 12-step recovery procedure calls for “making amends” to others, which could be part of what he’s doing in principle. Or he may be trying to recover his lost pride.
But my question in return is “why does it matter to you anyway?” You’ve got a boyfriend you like. You never had a future with HB anyway. He’s not your type, socioeconomically or otherwise. Your lifestyles are not compatible. You shouldn’t be wasting time worrying your head about what HB is or is not doing. When you say you want “no contact,” “no contact” is what it means. No writing letters to “expose” him for things you only imagine he might have done. What you need to deal with, dear, is your own codependency, among other issues. Never mind what others are doing; just learn to look after Number One! That way, if HB did by chance happen to be “setting you up” for some “future return” (whatever exactly that might mean), you’ll be all ready to brush it off with as little ado as the rest of us would hang up on some wretched telemarketer.
If I get time I’ll write some comments on your other thread. Good luck with your doctorate, and with your life!
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