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Has the narcissist changed?

This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Sariel113 1 year ago.

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  • #41304

    Sariel113
    Participant

    Recently, I received a large payment in the mail for money I loan the narcissist ex. A couple of months ago my best friend who is a male wrote him a letter stating that he was a loser and that he will expose him to his family for using people. When I received the money I checked with everyone that I knew (my family) that would send me this large some of money. No one could tell where the money came from. I realized that it was his handwriting and asked him why he had sent it after 6 months no contact (I know of no contact, so please this is not what I’m looking for).

    He stated that he wanted to make peace with people from his past because he was in therapy. I told him not to send me anymore, because I wanted noting to do with him and that he is a covert narcissist that used me. Also, that I am glad that he’s seeking help but no money can undo the damage. I wished him luck and apologized for anything that I had done to hurt him (I compared him to my boyfriend who is amazing). He stated that if I did not want the money he would donate it to one of my favorite animal charities and give them my email so I can received proof that he paid the money. I said, “do what you like.” because I could not get him to tell me that he would stop sending the money. I was amazingly good to him, but did not take his crap. He told me that I will never hear from him again. I stated “likewise.”

    He knows I have money and was really good to him, but he also knows I’m strong. I feel he’s lying and doesn’t want to be exposed,but I heard that a narcissist will never pay especially if they are broke. He stated he sold his motorcycle and for me not to think that he conned someone else for the money. Has he really changed or is this a set up for a future return?

    • This topic was modified 1 year ago by  Sariel113.
    • This topic was modified 1 year ago by  Sariel113.
    • This topic was modified 1 year ago by  Sariel113.
  • #41311

    hindsight
    Participant

    Nope. They never change. My advice: Stay Away!

  • #41315

    Redwald
    Participant

    I see you’re the same lady who posted another thread as Equanimity113.

    Although this guy you were previously dating (should we call him “HB”?) is a loser with obvious “issues” of some kind–including anger problems at times–I’m afraid I don’t see any convincing evidence from your story that he is a “narcissist.” Or a psychopath, or anything else in the “sociopathic” line. He could be, but in my view what you’ve told us about him doesn’t support that kind of diagnosis at all conclusively. What’s more, you have no evidence that he ever “conned” anybody to get the money he returned to you.

    So to answer your question “is he sincerely working on change?” with therapy and so forth, the answer is that he could very well be doing just that. I know he’s not an alcoholic either, but one “step” in the AA 12-step recovery procedure calls for “making amends” to others, which could be part of what he’s doing in principle. Or he may be trying to recover his lost pride.

    But my question in return is “why does it matter to you anyway?” You’ve got a boyfriend you like. You never had a future with HB anyway. He’s not your type, socioeconomically or otherwise. Your lifestyles are not compatible. You shouldn’t be wasting time worrying your head about what HB is or is not doing. When you say you want “no contact,” “no contact” is what it means. No writing letters to “expose” him for things you only imagine he might have done. What you need to deal with, dear, is your own codependency, among other issues. Never mind what others are doing; just learn to look after Number One! That way, if HB did by chance happen to be “setting you up” for some “future return” (whatever exactly that might mean), you’ll be all ready to brush it off with as little ado as the rest of us would hang up on some wretched telemarketer.

    If I get time I’ll write some comments on your other thread. Good luck with your doctorate, and with your life!

  • #41329

    Sariel113
    Participant

    Redwald, thank you for your comment. The post under that other name is no longer available. I had to change it, because I think he hacked my account and he knows I use to go by that name. I’m hoping he does not find me by this name. I have done hundreds of hours of research to know that he’s high on the spectrum of covert narcissist and maybe even sociopath. At one time I loved this person and it’s not easy to forget someone you loved and the hurt they caused. The rages, discards, Hoover’s, porn addiction, stealing money for what was suppose to be a date for us, gas light and future fakery are just a few. Although, I am happy with my boyfriend doesn’t mean I didn’t once care and pray that he won’t die this way. I’m happy because there is no abuse of any kind. However, I still remember him as a person I had hopes and aspirations for. I know I will never allow him back in my life, but that doesn’t mean that I stopped caring. To be treated so bad then this happens is confusing. Therefore, this is why I’m seeking answers. Why do this now? I moved on not because I lost my love for him, but because I was dying a slow death Also, I don’t think I stated he conned someone for money. I’m 100% sure he conned me for money.I feel the letter to expose him had something to o to do with him paying me, but I could be wrong and that’s why I’m asking. Is there a possibility that you would delete my previous user name from your post? I feel I’m not sure if he’s hacking my account and he knows this name. Thank you for the well wishes on my doctorate.

    • This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sariel113.
    • This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sariel113.
    • This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Sariel113.

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