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Have I been living in a lie for 8 years?

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  doodledandy 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #43026

    ladydi386
    Participant

    I spent 8 years with my fiancee, he lived with me years 6 and 7, then he moved out for the last year of our relationship he said he had a traveling job which took him to many cities. Well, I found out 2 days before this Thanksgiving that he had married another woman , possibly even before he had moved out a year ago. He had been visiting me once a month this whole past year, we were engaged, he told me
    he loved me every day, he would text and call me every day, he had even told me a few days before I found out that he was moving back and had gotten a job here. Once the truth came out to myself and his wife he cut me completely out if his life, like we never existed. But not before saying cruel things to me for exposing his lies, he placed the blame on me for what he did, saying he was emotionally traumatized by something that happened in our relationship 4 years ago. I am devastated over all that has happened. I can’t believe this is my life.

  • #43027

    resilient85
    Participant

    How awful! I’m so sorry that you are going through this too! When I found out, I felt like the floor had fallen out from under me. The shock and devastation is immeasurable to a lot of things that have happened in my life. I found out on 10/16/17. I texted him that I knew and demanded answers. I still have not heard from him. Also, it’s “like we never existed.” I still have bouts of crying and anger. I know it’s going to take a while to get through this. I know that I will though, and so will you! It may not feel that way now. This is something that you will probably need to take one day or one moment at a time. Remember to breathe! Get out all your crying and anger. You need to do so to start healing. I see a therapist once a week who is helping me to process this. I recommend it! I keep praying to God A LOT for his help! I have been spending a lot of time with my friends who have been most supportive; talking with them is therapeutic. And this website is filled with so many helpful resources. I even called Donna Andersen, the founder. I spoke with her for an hour. She was so helpful in guiding me with her knowledge. Unfortunately, so many of us have become members of this club. Thankfully, we can help each other. I pray you can find peace!

  • #43028

    ladydi386
    Participant

    I have already started counseling. I have been very depressed I have been spending most of my days just lying in bed, no motivation to get up or do anything. I am going to throw myself into my work as much as possible because that’s my only escape from the memories. I can’t believe I had no idea who this man really was. I think back now and I had so many clues along the way, why did I allow myself to ignore them? I was afraid of getting hurt but by ignoring the signs I stayed too long abd caused myself so much more pain.

  • #43029

    resilient85
    Participant

    Try to keep yourself busy. When I’m busy with work, it forces me to stop thinking about it. I saw signs as well, but, chose to ignore them. I believed his lies as I had no reason not to and was so in love with him that I would accept his excuses. I put him before me. I now realize that I need to take better care of myself. What a lesson learned. Be kind to yourself. Don’t let him take over your mind! I know it’s easier said than done. This is a blessing in disguise. Thank God that you didn’t marry him! There is a better man out there for you!

  • #43097

    doodledandy
    Participant

    I ignored the grandiose lies from the very first date (2013) until a year ago! A little voice told me to do a background check. I was devastated with the findings!!! He was never in the Marines, he never attended college, he didn’t own a home he said he owned, he never traveled to 29 different countries, he wasn’t shot twice while undercover with the DEA, he wasn’t in two plane crashes during his tours of duty as a Marine, and on and on and on…..I’m a very bright, strong and fiercely independent woman. He was bold to chose me as prey. I fell so hard in love with his charm and charisma I lost all control. I’m trying to mentally recover from the fakery of the last 4 years. I don’t trust myself at all!

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by  doodledandy.

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