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Having a relapse 4 months in

This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  slimone 1 week, 6 days ago.

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  • #47380

    allison123
    Participant

    I’ve been doing better overall. My ex and I broke up for the final time June 25th. It’s been 4 months. I just now started trying to date & put myself out there again, but last night I found myself missing my ex so much I reached out. I wish I didn’t because she was cold and indifferent in her short response. Sometimes I can’t picture myself loving anyone else again or even being that attracted to someone else. The dates I’ve been on felt mediocre at best. I don’t know if I’m just not ready to date yet? I’m trying my best to let go of my ex, but I’m having trouble moving forward.

  • #47387

    Donna Andersen
    Keymaster

    allison123 – your experience is common – many people relapse in their No Contact program. Your ex’s response proves that she is not worthy of you.

    Your experience is also an indication that you have more healing to do. This is also common – recovery from a sociopath can take time. Use this experience to process more of the pain – it runs very deep. Then keep working on your healing.

  • #47427

    slimone
    Participant

    allison123….me sending you a big ((((cyberhug))). You wrote you cannot imaging being in love, or being with anyone else beside your ex/socio.

    If you are feeling this way it is the biggest indicator you should not date, as the idea of ‘romance’ and partnership is a TRIGGER for you still. What I found out about this is it will either not go well with anyone you meet (they seem lackluster, boring, not sexy, too ordinary, etc), or you will break no contact, or you will not be alert to a new disordered person.

    I will be honest and say it took me about 18 months before I was ready. I tried dating before that time and it was a disaster. It left me more depressed, and triggered me into wanting the sociopath. Not good.

    You have time. Don’t rush your healing and heart. Take what you experienced when you made contact again (that cold-hearted disregard for you) to help you continue to distance yourself from her.

    • #47450

      allison123
      Participant

      Thank you for your response <3

      I think you’re right. I don’t feel excited about the possibility of dating. I just feel nervous & anxious, and I’m comparing my ex to anyone new that I meet. I guess I still need time to be alone and work on myself. I don’t want to drag old issues into a new relationship. It’s not healthy or fair to someone else.

  • #47451

    slimone
    Participant

    allison123,

    I didn’t feel excited about dating either. In a way I kept trying to date out of spite for the ex/spath. I didn’t want him to be the only one who had ‘moved on’. But the truth was he did, and I was stuck with healing. It’s just how it works. They feel nothing.

    Plus, love was my drug of choice when it came to distracting myself from my own woundedness and vulnerability, as a result of being raised by a narcissist. Up to that point in my life I was either in a relationship or searching for one. So I wasn’t just healing from my sociopathic relationship, but from long time trauma and PTSD.

    This is obviously not the same situation for everyone here at Lovefraud, but I thought I would share my experience in the event it might help you (or someone else here) to identify things about your own experience. It can take some digging into ourselves to find the vulnerabilities we each have, that these bad sorts use against us.

    Slim

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