Having to meet again


This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Donna Andersen 1 month ago.

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  • #45238


    It’s been 2 years since my last contact with my step mom, but the effects are still clear. How on earth can a person have such power over another human being?

    My dad is still entangled in her web of lies. He has cut contact with his family and friends – including me. Even lost his job! I know I should feel sympathetic of his situation, but honestly I’m so angry with him.

    The last time I saw them was at my grandmothers funeral. My stepmom had never met her, but she managed to attract all the attention. Even walk just behind the casket, which should be for her closest family. She was smiling at my sister and I all the way through the ceremony. She had won and managed to make my dad stop all contact with us.

    I had promised myself not to engage in her drama, but I was boiling inside. My reaction was exactly what she wanted.

    In June I’m going to a family wedding. I know they both will be there and honestly I’m already dreading it. I’m extremely ambivalent about by dad. On one hand he is my dad and I love him. On the other hand he has let me down so many times through the years and then finds HER and let her destroy our family.

    Even two years after I cut all ties to her, she manages to make me nervous. If she knew, it would make her day! I feel physically sick just by thinking of the upcoming wedding. My sis won’t be able to come, so on top of everything else I feel alone.

  • #45246

    Donna Andersen

    sqytteq – I am so sorry for your situation. Perhaps you can try to clarify how you feel about your father. You said that he let you down over the years – was it because he was self-centered and couldn’t be bothered with you, or was it because of weaknesses or circumstances? Is he like his new wife – or is he being brainwashed and manipulated?

    If he is self-centered and perhaps even disordered, you may want to keep your distance from both of them. But if he is basically a good guy who is under the control of a sociopath, if you want to help him, the best thing to do is to try to maintain contact with him.

    In any event, I suggest that you work on processing the negative feelings towards your stepmother. you should do that no matter how you feel about your father. If you’re angry at her, do something to get rid of the anger – punching bags are a good option. If you are sad – allow yourself to cry.

    When you get the emotion out of your system, it allows you to feel centered. And this will help you get through the wedding.

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