How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Sociopaths, narcissists, psychopaths as partners › He calls himself a sociopath- how to make relationship work?
May 6, 2021 at 12:18 am #65782
I’ve been involved with a guy who’s repeatedly told me he’s a sociopath, he “feels nothing” for anyone other than his son and can’t ever love again. He may still be married- regardless he randomly left his wife & son and moved 1000 miles away even though he had a perfectly good job on the West Coast, and she refused to follow him and they’ve been apart for years now and hardly ever see each other (so he hardly ever sees his son). but he stayed put even though he could’ve had his old job back. He tells me he doesn’t want commitment but cares about me. But even though he cares, he is incapable of showing it and that’s why his wife abandoned him. I’ve been trying to show him I accept him as he is and would not abandon him. My hope is that then he’ll feel secure enough and want to be with me for real. Any advice on this?
May 6, 2021 at 4:23 pm #65783laylabelleParticipant
If he has told you he is a sociopath learn as much as you can. If he is, he will never give you any more than what he considers ‘care’, there will never be any love as you know it, no consideration for you or your feelings, needs, or wants. Do you think you can be happy with that?
Read other peoples stories. It is pure emotional abuse and lonely mental torture being with someone who has nothing inside them except a self gratifying void.
Read, read and read.
May 6, 2021 at 4:39 pm #65785sept4Participant
Hi Plastics, no you should end your relationship with him. Sociopaths will ruin your life. Please end the relationship and read up online on this website and others about sociopaths red flags and warning signs. That way you will learn to recognize them and stay away from them. They will ruin you both emotionally and financially.
May 6, 2021 at 5:02 pm #65788
Hi Plastics, glad you found your way to this wonderful site Lovefraud and had the courage to post.
PLease know that ALL sociopaths are CON ARTIST! Everyone of them.
ANd this guy is no different,..he is conning you hon.
Do you know he is a con artist?
Do you know he is conning you with “Pity me manipulation”?
Look up here on Lovefraud up at the top right:
Pity me manipulation
Gas lighting abuse
NO CONTACT RULE
Low contact rule
You are one of the lucky ones…this guy is telling you everything you need to know about him = he is a SOCIOPATH = these types are extremley DANGEROUS to your mindset. He is right up there with Psychopaths!!! EXTREMELY DANGEROUS Individual!!!
Sociopath are the abusers of the world. The bulk of domestic abuse IS emotional, mental, verbal (not yelling but, cunning manipulation), and finacial abuse.
YOu can NOT safe this man…you can NOT love him to be a better person…his brain does not work like a good persons brain.
Keep reading EVERYTHING HERE AT LOVEFRAUD…and ask quetions, vent, share stories of what he has done.
LOOK UP ON THE NET IF HE IS MARRIED…most likely he is…or his wife escpaed his emotional & mental abuse.
Write down on paper everything he has told you and fact check him…..most of it is LIES.
Typically, physical abuse does not happen until the victims is ready to leave or has left. So make sure you look up the National Domestic violence hotline and read everything there including “what is abuse” and see also their info on “Domestic violence Exit & safety plan” out of this relationship.
she refused to follow him and they’ve been apart for years now and hardly ever see each other (so he hardly ever sees his son)
this is most likely a lie…she is either still married to him & has no idea he is cheating on her with you…or she escaped his abuse.
Just because you think he is not abusing you with words…does not mean he isn’t. Sociopaths are very stealth with their emotional & Mental abuse..it happends very slowly where you dont realize you are being abused.
You are trying to love him like a lost dog you found. He is a cunning person…he is manipulating you to not “abandon” him like his wife “did”…this is a manipulative con game he is running on you…
this is what my ex did too…and everyone here at love fraud has been played by their sociopaths “Pity me manipulation”. It’s what they do.
I’m so proud of you for searching for answers & having the courage to post here on lovefraud. YOu are smart to do this research. KEEP READING EVERYTHING HERE ON LOVEFRAUD…look up at the top of LF at the book store..there are excellent books written by Donna ANderson (site created of LF) that are well worth the money. Look at the home page of Lovefraud also.
this is a trusted site. And a savings grace for all of us who have been sucked into a sociopaths con game.
Sending you hugs.
- This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by Jan7.
May 6, 2021 at 5:08 pm #65790
ps: most sociopaths are serial cheaters.
May 6, 2021 at 6:45 pm #65791
search at the top of Lovefraud for: The gift of fear by Gavin Debecker
also look up on you tube:Oprha Gavin Debecker interview
this interview will remind you to LISTEN TO YOUR GUT INSTINCT YOUR gut is never wrong…ever. This man is dangerous and you know this…because you are searching for answers.
May 6, 2021 at 9:55 pm #65792
Wow thank you all for the excellent advice! What do you make of the fact that he told me he is a Socio path in the first place? How was I supposed to respond to that? I know everything a sociopath does is very calculating.
May 6, 2021 at 11:47 pm #65793
It’s possible that he knows others are going to tell stories or tell you he is a sociopath…so he tells you before you find out…to control you from leaving. And it’s appears to be part of his “pity me manipulation” con game.
Everything they do is PLANNED OUT…everything…they are 10 steps ahead of their vicitms. Telling you is all part of his advanced plan to control you & have power over you, ALso if you fight or you want to break up with him…he will say “see you are now abandoning me like my wife”…and then sucks you back into to his dysfunctional life.
I would suggest you look up on the FBI website his name/address (in their sexual assult page) and do a online back ground check for prison/jail arrest record and it will show if he is married and how many times. this will cost you $25 and will be worth it. It’s not full proof so if you dont find anything, it does not mean he does not have a record any another state or country.
You just cant trust him if you ask him directly…and you are putting yourself in harms way if he does have a violent record.
DONT TELL HIM YOU ARE LOOKING INTO HIS BACK GROUND FOR YOUR SAFETY!! clear your computer if he uses it.
RESEARCH ON LOVEFRAUD AND ONLINE “NO CONTACT RULE’…this is the rule you need to follow always with a sociopath.
May 9, 2021 at 11:23 am #65797Donna AndersenKeymaster
plastics567 – Everyone has offered you very good advice. If someone tells you that he is a sociopath, believe it and run for the hills. Nothing good can come of your involvement.
The core of the sociopathic personality disorder is the inability to love. They simply cannot care about another person. And he is telling you that this is how he is. He may say that he cares about his son, but it’s probably the same as how he cares about his car.
He will never give you what you want and deserve. Leave now.
May 9, 2021 at 10:14 pm #65806
I agree, all good advice. So why do I continue to want his scraps above anything good or meaningful with someone else? I see his admission that he’s a sociopath as an encouraging sign he really trusts me instead of a sign to run to the hills. Am I totally hopeless?
May 10, 2021 at 10:10 am #65808emilie18Participant
plastics567: You ask “Am I totally hopeless?”. Nope. You are totally trusting. You, like most sane people, believe in the inherent goodness, rightness, honesty and noble intentions of people – and for the most part, you are right. However, there is nothing good, right, honest, nobel or trustworthy about a psychopath. This man has given you a gift – he has told the truth about himself. Believe him. It may be the only truth he ever tells you. You are right that it is an “encouraging sign he really trusts me” – but that trust has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the end-game he is playing. He told you that only as a way to excuse all subsequent behaviors on his part. “Oh – you caught me in a lie — well, I told you I was a psychopath.” “Yes, I cheated on you – but that’s because I am a psychopath.” “You have no right to feel bad about what I did because you knew I was a psychopath.” That is a “poor pitiful me” ploy of the worst degree. I once had a roommate who claimed she was battling cancer. That became her excuse for everything – why she couldn’t do her part in cleaning, cooking, maintaining a paying job or paying rent; why she demanded to be included in everything I did. Poor pitiful her. I believed her until I accidentally discovered the truth – no cancer. This man IS a cancer – he will suck you dry all the while telling you “you should have known”. Yes, it hurts to admit you are conned (I have never forgiven that roommate for what she put me and my family through) – but you are lucky – you have a chance to walk away before being drained. Do it. Listen to that sweet inner voice that brought you here with questions. Best of wishes to you!
May 10, 2021 at 12:04 pm #65809
I appreciate all of your time so much! Yes I have approached this as a caring person, who thought that if he’s admitting his faults and I accept him then we’ll have a good relationship. One thing that really appears to break him is people coming at him with guilt trips or telling him he failed to meet their expectations, so I figured if I were very easy on him then it could work. But you’re telling me that he’s a sociopath and just wants permission to always, always treat me terribly
May 10, 2021 at 7:37 pm #65810
I want you to know all of these sociopaths immediately tell you all about their life very quickly. It’s part of their con game.
My ex h was the same…it’s jaring at first to have someone lay out all their faults & mistakes right from the get go. Because it’s not normal behavior. Normal behavior is you have to build trust then you share. But, sociopaths are running a con game & they actually dont enjoy that connection with others they prefer to drop their mask & be their true self = selfish, arrogant, evil.
So they move the relationships very very quickly…my ex told me “I love you” within weeks…I said back to him “really?”…that was my gut instinct speaking…and my gut was right…WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU VERY QUICKLY THEY LOVE YOU…it’s a HUGE RED FLAG 🚩🚩🚩
that they are HIDING alot…maybe drug use, or alcohol issues, or they are cheating on their wife/girlfriend, or finacial issues so they need to rush the relationship to move in with your…or rush it to convense you to give them money.
Write down all the red flags this guy gave you in the beginning. They are there if you think about them.
One of the biggest red flags with this guy is the Love Bombing (read articles here on lovefraud just do a search up at the top right for “Love bombing”…read the comments after the article also.
My ex was hiding alot…but, the biggest reason why he was rushing the relationship (I was not) was because he needed me to move in & pay his mortgage for him becuase he did not have the money & he mistreated his room mates so they all moved out. Of course he told me different stories as to why they moved out.
I know it’s hard to see that he is conning you right now. It’s hard to break your mind free from the sociopaths BRAIN WASHING & MIND CONTROL (literally just like a cult leader!!)
Look up on LF and net: Socioapth trance and sociopath hypnosis (YES!! they do this to their victims…so scary).
do a serach here on LF for: Steven Hassan author of Freedom of mind. See his interviews on you tube.
Also do a search on LF for “Cognitive dissonance” this is holding two different believe system about him…”he’s good” “he’s bad”….we all went thru this…we WANT to beleive they are normal & good people or they can change..they are NOT normal THey are NOT good people they are master manipulators.
do a search on LF & net for “sociopath Pathological liar”
everyday read a few articles here on LF to open up your mind from his brain washing & Mind control.
And know also, him touching you releases bonding horomones that attach you to him even more. DOnna has written articles on this too.
Just know it’s a process to break off a relationship with a sociopath. but, start making an exit plan out of this every dangerous relationship.
Sending you huge hugs. 💜
- This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by Jan7.
May 11, 2021 at 11:34 am #65812rapidescapeeParticipant
Oh man. I just logged in after a very long time just to reply to you.
In my thankfully very short lived relationship with a sociopath/psychopath very early in he told me he was a sociopath. It is part of their gloating bravado, much like murderers often can’t keep quiet about their accomplishment. THIS WAS THE ONLY THING HE DID NOT LIE ABOUT.
Case in point, it ended when after he told me he couldn’t meet me one day because his mother died in a foreign country my antennae was up, I hired a private detective and I was not at all surprised to learn that too was a lie.
I escaped with absolutely strict adherence to no contact, soon enough to find a beautiful man and just in time to fulfil my wish to become a mother. Finding lovefraud probably saved my life and all my dreams and though Donna doesn’t know it, I feel indebted to her.
What you are dealingcwith is reptilian. Their brains and emotioms do not work like ours and science has verified it. At their worst, think Lorne Malvo in the first season of Fargo.
Get out now, become absolutely invisible from him. Do not be tempted to return under any pretext, under any circumstances. If you are wanting to go back, see a psychologist or come to this board to identify and overcome your vulnerabilities. Follow this method and you will be ok, if not, you will really not be ok. Listen to us, we have nothing to gain. He has everything to gain and you have everything to lose. There really are many much much better men out there. Give yourself a chance to find them.
May 11, 2021 at 3:47 pm #65813lorraine8Participant
I totally agree with what everyone else in here has said . The fact that you are asking this is your intuition speaking .
A Harvard study on narcissists found that if someone said to you directly that they are a narcissist ( socio path ), that it was 90% certain they were.
They are proud of it and in your case he is testing your boundaries.
I was also told the same thing and sadly thought also that he was being honest . It was 40 terrible years before I realised what that actually meant .
June 16, 2021 at 1:19 pm #65947
Leave him – NOW! Living with a sociopath is like the old “boiling the frog alive” scenario. It’s OK to start with, despite some red flags. Then it gets worse. And worse. And worse. And worse. But because you are getting used to the increasingly hot water you won’t register the abuse for what it is until it is too late. The abuse will start so gradually at first that you barely notice it. You will get used to it. It will get worse. He will end up destroying your self-esteem. He will gaslight you and make you think that you are the sick one. He will suck everything out of you. And cheat and lie and blame it on you. GET OUT NOW!!!
June 16, 2021 at 1:28 pm #65948
PS I would also add that what you mentioned about him telling you how others came to him to guilt-trip him – this is called GROOMING. What he is doing is pure manipulation. He is getting you on his side. He is also telling you in a very subtle way what behaviour he does NOT want from you. So you then think, “Poor guy, I will never guilt-trip him.” It becomes an unwritten rule of the relationship. So now he knows that he has planted that seed in your head that you should never guilt-trip him. And of course that is great because now he can treat you like a piece of trash and guilt YOU for trying to guilt him. Man, just get out. Everything is grooming, gaslighting, abusive.
June 16, 2021 at 1:31 pm #65949
PPS I am speaking as someone who is sitting looking at the ruins of her life having given up the last 22 years for someone. I had those red flags and nagging doubts and stuck with him because they are so darned slimy it is almost impossible to see the bad behaviour for what it is. He will not change – except to get worse. I wish I had listened to my gut instinct 22 years ago and walked away then. I would not be looking at the wreckage of my life if I had just listened to my gut and walked away.
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