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This topic contains 8 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Jan7 1 month ago.

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  • #47519

    ellie52
    Participant

    so I have decided I have had enough. A partner who is in debt not working no interest in working however has recently come out of hospital. The mental abuse has escalated and I decided I had had enough on friday.
    We havent spoken since friday and I have been just going out to avoid him. The problem is he has literally no where to go, says he’s still ill and I can’t stand him doing nothing all day.
    He has thrown away most of my furniture in 6 years and replaced it with his.
    I have 3 jobs and do not know what to do I am trying to control anxiety that has got awful and have OCD and PTSD. I am not strong enough to approach him, I am struggling to stop the sheer panic I feel.
    The abuse is mental and small bits other forms of bullying threats etc.
    I know it has to end but how can I get out of this. He turns it all round to be my fault whatever happens. I do nothing and am not allowed to express to him how I feel. and he just sits on the pc and watches tele all day. He has so many hang ups and problems and hates everyone and doesnt care about anyone as he says. I feel bouts of wanting to scream and feelings of suicide.
    I need my heart to feel the same as my head.
    Also I am not sure if he just has severe depression or he’s a sociopath etc. He doesnt seem to be seeing anyone else as he is in all the time. Also not bothered that the relationship is finished

    • This topic was modified 1 month ago by  ellie52.
    • This topic was modified 1 month ago by  ellie52.
    • This topic was modified 1 month ago by  ellie52.
  • #47523

    ellie52
    Participant

    I want to stay no contact but that then allows him to stay ?

  • #47524

    Jan7
    Participant

    Ellie52, so glad you reached out for help!

    You do not owe him anything. He is abusing you!

    It is OK to not allow him in your home!

    It is OK to break it off with him!

    He will have to figure out what to do.

    Right now you need to SAVE YOURSELF!

    You deserve better.

    This is what these evil types to…they turn up the abuse just when you are about to leave…then they throw out the “pity me manipulation” (search this here on LF & net) or they blame you for their troubles or they get violent. It’s all a from to have power & control over you.

    Dont buy into his manipulation.

    It is OK to throw him out.

    Hugs to you!!

    • #47544

      Jan7
      Participant

      Hi Ellie, yes! Donna is absolutely correct!! I apologize, I wanted to add a third post for you but forgot.

      Please know that the most dangerous time for a vicim of an abuser, especially of a sociopath/psychopath is when they are either ready to leave the relationship or have just left.

      So please get help with your local abuse center with a DOMESTIC ABUSE EXIT & SAFETY PLAN. This plan will guide you out & how to keep you safe. The abuse center may also know that eviction laws (what Donna is talking about) to help you get this man out of your home.

      I’m so sorry that you are enduring this nightmare. But, very thankful that you have found your want to Donna’s wonderful site to educate yourself, vent & ask questions.

      The USA National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE can also give you advise on an Exit &Safety Plan and they can give you local abuse center phone numbers. If not in the US, just google for your countries hotline.

      Tell your most trusted friends & family what is going on with this man & this abusive relationship. Ask them to journal what you share with them including dates & detailed info. This can be used in court. Show them Lovefraud. Also, if you can find a safe place keep a journal. Maybe go to a friends/family members home to write in it so that you will stay safe and the journal too. Go back to the beginning and write down detail info with dates (maybe only month and/or year) of abuse he has done to you. This can be used in court. You might also need to look into a restraining order to get him out of the home but ask the abuse center for advise on this. As you are in danger with this man in your home.

      Once you do get him out of your home, you may want to invest in a Home security system. Big hardware stores such as Home Depot & Lowes (US stores) have security systems for doors and windows starting at $15 each (some have two packs) and for a whole system $150 – $200 plus. These types of systems are NOT hard wired instead they take batteries and are easily to attach to the door with just a screw driver.

      In addition you can ask your neighbors to look out for him & call the police if he shows up at your home.

      Or you can look into a home security system company that if the alarm goes off they will immediately call you and/or the police.

      Hugs to you.

  • #47525

    Jan7
    Participant

    FOLLOW YOUR GUT!!

    Also for your anxiety, panic attacks, most likely depression, OCD etc look into:

    Adreanl fatigue symptoms.

    See sites like DrLam. com and Adreanlfatigue. org

    Google: Adreanl fatigue symptoms.

    To heal your adrenal glands you need to cut out the stress = in your case this toxic relationship. Also a good clean diet, vitamins & minerals, plenty of rest, relaxation & sleep, and possible hormonal balancing.

    Google: Super Juice Me documentary you tube, Jason Vale juicing recipes, and Dr AMen PBS you tube.

    Look into getting tested for Cortisol levels and vitamin & mineral deficiency and hormonal imbalance from a Endocrinologist doctor.

  • #47540

    Donna Andersen
    Keymaster

    ellie – it sounds like he is living in your home, is that correct? You have to get rid of him. He is a sociopath, he will never change, and he will continue being a parasite until you end it.

    As a first step, I suggest that you research your local laws about evicting people. If he has lived with you for 6 years, does he have any rights? I know it’s outrageous, but I have heard of sociopaths who refuse to leave and they have the law on their side for awhile. You can get rid of them, but you may have to go through specific steps.

    So educate yourself first. Find out if you need a lawyer. You don’t want to yell at him, demand that he leave, and have him be able to smirk and tell you that he has the right to stay.

    Researching the requirements is also a way to start the process without having to confront him right away. Find out what you need to do, and then put your plan in action.

    You must do this to save your sanity. He will never change.

  • #47546

    monicapz
    Participant

    Dear Ellie,

    If the situation was reversed he WOULD NOT HESITATE to get rid of you!

    Please follow the good advice given here.

    Yours truly,

    Monica

  • #47547

    ellie52
    Participant

    thank you everyone. yesteray he wanted to talk I didnt, this evening i wanted to ask about him leaving but he wont talk. the strange thing is he has not talked ever really, just told me i am wrong and he is right. i have had no appology for the other day, it was bad i wlll one day find courage to talk. i am struggling and in a state of panic. i am going to my gp is week to try and get some help with anxiety, ptsd etc

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  ellie52.
  • #47549

    Jan7
    Participant

    Ellie, if you talk with him he will literally just twist your mind around to let him stay. You will not get a true apology from a sociopath EVER!

    Best thing to do is make a list of steps out of this relationship asap. Contact your local abuse center for help & follow Donna’s great advise. Stay clear of your home as much as you can and him.

    Follow the Grey Rock method right now while you are at home.

    Get help for your panic attacks by researching the info I posted above. Your body SCREAMING at you to get out of this relationship. Your body check engine light is on = panic attacks & anxiety PTSD etc. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY’S CHECK ENGINE LIGHT!!!

    Sending you hugs. Stay safe. Bit your tongue DO NOT FIGHT WITH HIM, you can never win a verbal fight with a sociopath they just spin your mind for fun. Bit your tongue also so that he does not become physical and harm you.

    Get your list going & hide the list from him. Ask your most trusted friends & family to help you. Your local abuse center is there for you…do not feel embarrassed or ashamed to go…they ALL have been thru the same as you & can guide you & support you.

    Instead of a GP doctor got to an Endocrinologist specialist doctor they deal with adrenal glands which is causing your anxiety & panic attacks.

    Keep venting here. WE HEAR YOU!!💜💜💜

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  Jan7.

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