Holiday Discard.. Happy July 4th suckers

This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Madelaine 1 year, 4 months ago.

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  • #41316

    I apologize for the title of this thread and hope that I didn’t offend anyone (cause God forbid as someone who has dedicated my life to pleasing others, at my own expense, i should offend people i do not know on the internet #thisistheproblem lol).

    I am just so hurt and angry but am learning to have sense of humor throughout all of this :).. cause we have totally been duped so let’s admit it and get some boundaries and stop the cycle!

    I am currently working through Zari’s books (Stop Spinning, Start Breathing and When Love is a Lie –> $3.99 on Amazon and better/faster than the THOUSANDS/YEARS I have spent on therapy) and I just wanted to reach out to anyone and everyone else who may be reeling from being gifted the silent treatment/discard over yet another holiday (if you have physically/spiritually/mentally/emotionally been whittled down to become what some other support group people would call a “real Codependent” like me, we all know this ain’t your first rodeo lol).

    To anyone who can’t stop thinking about how much fun their N is having and with whom but themselves.

    To anyone who couldn’t get out of bed today or leave their house or make it to parties within their own clearly loyal social circle of those that actually care about them but whom we ignore to get just an increasingly diminishing taste of the thrill of the “good times” aka hoovering.

    To anyone who actually had another date for fireworks today but is too drained, scared and/or traumatized and doesn’t trust themselves enough to even do simple things with someone new.

    Your N is not going to call/text/email you. They are with someone else. Give yourself a break and stop thinking about it but don’t deny or forget the reality of it.

    Take the time to be with yourself and don’t let your pity party go on for too long because we can get through this (and make different choices in the future) and there are fireworks somewhere!


  • #41333


    Hi just joined in today.To cut the long story short, I with a full blown Psychopath. Just checking.How safe is this place as I desperately want to pour my heart out. I have read alot about the disorder and living with a open text book. I have suffered so badly and I am surprised that I am still alive.

    • #41341

      Great Username Freedom101! I’m sorry for whatever you have gone through! I think for me it’s scary to post things I would normally keep to myself or put in a journal but I think it helps you and others to share what is actually going on with you and what you have experienced. Also a lot of the hurtful and harmful behaviors other commenters describe have strong similarities.

      With these “people” (quotes intentional lol) that we are dealing with, part of their sick, insidious, destructive pasttime is them isolating us and convincing us this is all in our minds and the result of some inescapable personal failure that no one else could ever identify with (or could possibly be equally crazy/weak/immoral/stupid/worthless/lazy/insert your particular vulnerability that they like to use against you here).

      Also, it is really hard to talk about this to someone who has never experienced it themselves because this stuff is embarrassing.. like yea, i threw out all of his things the last time he discarded and then bought them again when he came back after about a week..for the third (4th? 5th? infinitieth?) time — of course only the finest and most expensive luxury toiletries, socks and undies.. because I am apparently the best at laundry in his circle of supply. Not to mention I am a grad student with basically no income while he has a very good job (and yes, this is definitely why i am working so hard to get a Master’s Degree.. so i can get a pat on the head like a dog for getting out all those bodily fluid, wine, and lipstick in colors i don’t wear stains!). So glad I got an A+ in financial abuse this semester!

      lol! hope you are laughing too because this stuff is so #ridiculous

      p.s. one thing my therapist told me that was really helpful was you don’t have to share anything you don’t want to or go into any detail you aren’t completely comfortable with.

      Reading is healing too!

    • #41365


      I find this a very safe and supportive site, but I suggest you change some dates and details of your story. I am aware of a couple sociopaths who read (and a self-confessed sociopath named “Me” [note his tongue in cheek narcissistic handle] posted on this site a few months ago. You don’t know who is reading, and it is VERY possible that your ex is reading forums like this looking for stories that match his “creation”. It is like a murderer returning to the scene of the crime to relive the thrill.

      I was very badly stalked by a s’path boss for five years and at the beginning she got the IT department to put a ghost program on my computer so she read every email that came to and from me for five years and every single thing I did on my computer. She spent as much time reading my work as I did. The head of security told me after I quit. Apparently she had said I was suspected of industrial espionage to justify them doing that.

      She would also (?? security cameras???) know what time I came to work even though she was in a different city. She would then send me a “please explain” email about why I was not in my office on a particular day (I worked flex time and kept accurate records, so this was more about scaring me than time-sheets). Happily, she had created such a problem for the organization that they fired her after I left. Once she lost her job and status as a boss, she was very limited in what she could do to stalk me without getting arrested.

      So sociopaths can be quite obsessed stalkers who will use anybody and any means they can to keep tabs on their victims. My advice to you is to just in case, change a few details re time frame, job descriptions, number of children etc in your postings. These details don’t change the emotional content of your story, which is what we can all relate and respond to.

  • #41339

    Donna Andersen

    playmelancholysonglol – No offense taken at your title by me, and I hope I speak for others here at Lovefraud!

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