How Do You Disconnect When You Have Kids

This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Muminuke 8 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #39485


    I am finally nearing the end of a painfully drawn out 2 year divorce from my narcissist cluster B personality disorder. I have have disengaged with him a great deal but we have 14 and 16 year-old daughters. That means I cannot block his number or completely cut off all ties. That said, he still messes with me. For example: He left me with the house, kids and majority of bills. I am self employed and money ebbs and flows. Last month I was not able to make a payment on the credit card which I am suppose to pay on. I told him I was cash poor and would get caught up as soon as possible. But in retribution, he stopped paying on another card and is now saying exactly what I said to him – that he is cash poor and has to pay his food and utilities before the card and that he’ll make a payment when he can. This is a lie because he lives in a small apartment and just took an 8 day vacation to Puerto Rico with the woman he was dating while we were married. Meanwhile the credit card company is calling daily. He is also several month behind on making payments on our daughters braces and is not trying to blame me because I schedule her appointments – which i take her to – without telling him. He travels 3-4 days a week so there is no reason to tell him. He know the payment schedule, he just ignores it.

    Two of the children didn’t think and gave him the same Christmas list they gave me. Last week I sent a very nice email asking him to let me know what he had purchased so that I wouldn’t duplicate. Again with the control He said he was busy and would send it to me when he the time. I didn’t get the list for 4 days.

    A lot of this focuses on money – I’m not trying to be petty but he took me to the cleaners and I simply cannot afford to cover his financial responsibilities.

    I can’t afford to call a lawyer every time he does this. Is there anything else I could do that would take his focus off messing with me? I am hoping once we have reached a divorce settlement he will marry this woman – he has to in order to get her money – and he will turn his manipulation on her.

    Any tips, phrases…anything is helpful.

  • #39924


    I think there are some courses related to this.

  • #40083


    Best wishes to you.

  • #40087


    I have same problem with my ex. Difference is, he just blocked my phone and email, so I can’t even reach him… What I do, I just call or email his parents or work, saying “oh, I can’t reach [NAME]. Maybe something happened to him? I am so worried :/ He still haven’t made payment this month, and we are out of money, and it so hard for us..”. They hate they public image destroyed. So usually it works. Althought in another forum they said it is bad idea, because it can make them angry. But as long as my bills payed, he can be angry as much as he wants…

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