Hurting the one he claims to "love" on purpose?

This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  greenstick 2 years ago.

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  • #39466


    Hello, has anyone ever experienced this: it has been only 3 months after we agreed to one year no contact (which was intended for him to get his antisocial-behaviour like visiting prostitutes, watching porn his hatefulness and misogyny under control via therapy) for the sake of our relationship/friendship.
    Suddenly out of the blue he writes something under one of my facebook posts about “platonic love” accompanied by a picture of him and his new victim.
    Though I wansn’t surprised I was so pissed that that I simply blocked him and threw away every contact information (adress, telephone numbers et cetera) of him.
    I never want to hear from him again- this was it.
    I hope he will simply leave me alone now.
    But I often ask myself if hurting others on purpose is a typical sociopathic trait.
    What kind of intend did he have?
    I mean to me it really makes no sense at all…because now he has lost me forever.
    He also once compared me some to some other woman he has once (!) met and went out on a date with her shorty before my birthday.
    She was half indian (i am strawberry-blonde, pale skinned and i get a sunburn quickly) and he said that she had better skin to be outside with him for his hobby (?).
    This is only one example of many.
    Until this day he can not fathom why his comparisons pissed me off that much (he simply thinks i was jealous).
    I really don’t know what is wrong with this man.
    Oh and he visitited prostitutes and told me that, i quote: “those women were already so damaged that they wouldn’t mind me using them, too.”
    And still he demanded respect from me, was mad because of my feelings regarding his betrayal.
    A lot has died inside me the past 1 1/2 year.
    I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust someone again while he posts smiling pictures like nothing ever happened.

  • #39798


    Hi sweetie
    He’s an asshole and one day, I promise you, you will feel glad. It takes a long time just to process the breakup and a lot longer still to put it in context. You have absolutely done the right thing in this instance as he has not been treating you with respect. He also demanded respect from you without doing anything to earn it. As awful as it is to say, during the love bombing phase, if you are warned, you just don’t believe it anyway, so as much as you want to warn the next, you just have to leave them to get on with it.

    You will, I promise you, be able to love and trust again. For me, I was brought back to the simple things that I love about my husband. Before tough lif things got in the way, our early relationship was as easy as leaves falling out of a tree. You’ve learned a valuable lesson in boundaries and when you next date, you will spot love bombing and those who don’t respect boundaries much more quickly. Just take some time to heal. I’ve realised my most recent encounter, as minimal as it was, has shaken me up, as they just don’t give a shit and fake entire relationships, but that’s about them, not you. I think they would never have gone for us in the first place if we didn’t have something they wanted. You wouldn’t rob an empty house would you? All the things he said to you during the love bombing phase are true, just because he wasn’t who he pretended to be at the start, doesn’t make them false.

    Every time you feel low, twist the narrative into a positive. Devalue him. He is not that great. See the positiv. You have now discarded a piece of trash. big hugs to you. Xxxx

  • #39799


    And in answer to your question, they do it because they are emotionally numb inside. They enjoy it. It’s sick. Read up on the sadistic superego, because that’s what all narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths are doing. They are emotional vampires… but basically inside they are boring as and they just need to do nasty things to people and lie in order to FEEL something. I read Shahida Arabi’s book ‘Become the narcissist’s nightmare.’ It really helped. X

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