I have a question about sources of supply

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    Hi Everyone,

    I have a question about sources of supply. Perhaps Donna could shed some light on this subject?

    I’m pretty sure that my ex partner of three years was a sociopath as he meets all the criteria on the checklist other than cheating. I know he lied to me but his lies were about his work, money and debt. I have it on good authority from his friends that he never cheated and I actually believe that he wouldn’t have had the balls to cheat. I think that it would have been something that he would have done had we stayed together but I am pretty certain it didn’t happen during our relationship.

    We had a fantastic and wonderful first year together with promises of marriage and a family and happy futures. Then after a year I discovered the lies. He wasn’t working, had no income and was in terrible debt…and living with his mother at the age of 34. I should have run a mile but instead I helped him set up a business, won loads of clients and agreed to help him in anyway I could. All this was while I was working as a nurse full time and doing 13 hour shifts. I was also in the process of buying my first home. He seemed reluctant to work to begin with but I had gained a big contract for him and things took off. However, the strain on my health had become too much. I became really sick with a life long incurable auto-immune disease and was hospitalised for months. I thought he would probably leave but he didn’t, he stepped up, moved into my home insisting to my family that he wanted to move in and look after me. Everyone thought he was a hero.

    Fast forward 18months and he left me. He seemed to resent my illness, he moved in to look after me but paid no rent for the first 6 months saying “why should I pay rent, I was looking after you” eventually I got him to pay a minimal rent. He did work sometimes but not frequently, he used to take weeks or months off work and just mooch around the house saying that he was looking after me, all the while I was cleaning, cooking for him. I was terribly ill and in terrible pain. At one point I collapsed and shouted for him to call me an ambulance. Alarmingly he said “no, you call them”. I work in an Emergency Department and would never call an ambulance unless I really really needed it. When I later challenged him as to why he didn’t call the ambulance himself he said, “I wanted to see if you would call them”

    I’ve digressed from my subject of supply. But after 18 months of living with me and my illness, (and to be fair he was supportive in the sense that he took me to hospital appointments, although there was never any affection, unless it was in front of his friends or family). He left me. He had been paying very little in rent as I wanted him to get out of debt and I felt that I owed him for sticking with me and my illness. However, I found out after we had broken up that he had inherited £100,000 six weeks before we broke up.

    Every night I would get upset and worried about how I would pay the mortgage or bills and he would watch me in tears yet he never told me about his inheritance. I don’t feel that I was entitled to any of it but I was worried about our financial security. It seems that he stuck with me while he had no money but once he inherited the money he was off. Can money be a source of supply? He has moved back to his mothers at the age of 38, I understand that he has not done any work for a whole year and seems to be spend, spend, spend. Was the money so important to him? As a child he was brought up in a very wealthy home but his father lost all of their money and they were evicted and lost all of their possessions. Could this have affected him so deeply?

    One more odd thing. After we broke up my mother told me that he had told her during a conversation that he suffered from Aspergers Syndrome. We were together for 3 years but he never said this to me and my mother thought I knew so she never mentioned it to me either. When we had split up she told me what he had said to her and I challenged him on this and sensitively asked if he did have aspergers. His response was very strange. He said “I can neither confirm or deny that.”

    Sorry for the waffling post but I guess to summarise

    1. Can money be a source of supply that a sociopath will move to from a previous source, i.e. me.

    2. What do people make of the Aspergers comment? Is this gaslighting? Is there a link between the two conditions? He did have some of the signs of Aspergers if I look back but I didn’t think that you could have Aspergers and be sociopathic. My understanding is that people with Aspergers are sensitive and empathetic.

    I have some knowledge of Aspergers but it is very limited and I only wish to explore reasons for his behaviour and do not in anyway mean to offend anyone. But if anyone can shed light on these comments I would be very grateful. This site has helped me in so many ways in such a short time

    Thank you all.

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