How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › I should have known better
June 16, 2021 at 1:48 pm #65950
I’m not able to practice no contact because my ex and I still share teen children. So we keep in touch and to be honest it is hard. I had to share this – not sure whether to laugh or cry! My ex was unbelievably emotionally cruel to me on email. Instead of doing “grey rock” I responded by telling him how upset I was and that I wondered at times if he was being deliberately cruel to me and enjoyed watching me suffer. I know – I shouldn’t have done that. But little does he know what I really think of him (because I haven’t told him of course). Everyone reading this knows what I think of him or I wouldn’t be posting om here!! Anyway, his response was pure gold. The masterclass in gaslighting and control (or so he thinks). He wrote just one sentence. It was this:
“I know you don’t think that.”
I honestly had to just laugh! He has no clue what I think of him. I think he thinks I am over here missing him. (No, the thing I was upset about was to do with his girlfriend’s involvement in what should have been a special family occasion). But it was interesting because a) now I can see right through him and and see this as a classic bit of gaslighting and b) he clearly still believes that he can control what I think (which was a staple of our relationship).
Yes, I know I was an idiot to tell him he had hurt me. I regretted it and will try not to do it again. But as it turned out it was a small victory for me to not have that comment do anything other than make me laugh at his pathetic attempts to control me. And post it to a group about narcissistic bullies.
I wish I could just go no contact.
June 16, 2021 at 8:24 pm #65952Donna AndersenKeymaster
freeatlast – I think this one turned out ok for you – very revealing. I’m very glad you can laugh about it. And I’m sure you feel some sense of satisfaction that you can see through him – and he doesn’t even know it!!!
That’s one of the things about sociopaths – they are so impressed with themselves that they don’t even recognize when they are misinterpreting what is going on. This might come in handy for you at some point.
June 17, 2021 at 1:24 am #65953
Thanks, Donna. Yes, I definitely feel quite smug that I can see through his (attempts at) gaslighting now and he has no clue that I can. I totally agree with your second point.
June 17, 2021 at 7:50 am #65954
Have you heard of “Low contact rule”…this is the rule you can use with a sociopath when you have children. Search here on love fraud & net for “Sociopath low contac rule” And also, “Narcissist low contact rule”.
I would advise in the future never to let the sociopath know have you are feeling when they emotionally, mentally & verbally abuse you. They will know their evil tactics are working and will know how to push your buttons in the future.
Best thing to do is IRGNORE their behavior and do not show any response…this will confuse the hell out of them…and you will have peace.
My ex hated this during our divorce proceedings…I was well educated by then…he attempted to use ever tactic and I showed no emotiona what so ever. even if it did hurt my feelings or iritate me …I ignored him = too back my power.
Donna has an article & you tube video on “Tina Swiften’s books, She divorced a narcisist & wrote several helpful books on how to deal with child custody with a narcissist.very informative.
You see so much stronger now that you have educated yourself. BRAVO for this great achievement!!
June 18, 2021 at 9:07 am #65955
Hi Jan, thanks for your words of advice. I have tried so hard to not let him see when he hurts me. I know it has perplexed him at times. (Good!) I did fail on this occasion. Overall I’m not doing too badly but I did let me guard down this time. Grey rock, grey rock, grey rock!!! As Donna said above, I did get some satisfaction out of seeing right through his gaslighting, though!
June 21, 2021 at 9:36 pm #65974
it takes time to realize that you always have to keep your guard up with a sociopath. Always. This is why it’s so important to not let them in your life.
For you with kids…yes “Grey rock”…but, also “low contact rule”.
You did great…you see his con game…that is what is so important when dealing with them. They love to push everyones buttons for fun, to have control over everyone…and to get people stressed out.
He’s a pathological liar…remember that…it’s part of his con game to suck you in.
June 21, 2021 at 9:39 pm #65975
Just watched a Sky News Australia you tube video titled: Meghan Markle labelled ‘unhinged sociopath’ in new report.
It’s quite shocking that a major news station is reporting this!!
It’s clear she is one…very cunning one. I feel bad for Harry..he has no idea he is being manipulated by his own wife. She isolated him from his entire family. Then moved him to a new country, controls his time etc. Classic manipulation.
She has even mimiced his own mother to manipulate him. Scary.
June 22, 2021 at 3:14 am #65978EmiParticipant
Donna, looking forward to your comments about Meghan Markle. I completely missed this one.
June 23, 2021 at 1:15 pm #65984EmiParticipant
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