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I think my son's father is a sociopath

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  AnnettePK 1 year, 4 months ago.

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  • #40966

    iamstuckagain
    Participant

    Hello. I accidentally stumbled onto this website when I was searching the topic is sociopathy genetic? My fear is that I have had a child with a man who is a sociopath. For a long time I have feared that my partner of two years is a sociopath. And since we have had a child together I have noticed strange traits in the child. I have had children with autism before and so at first I was fearful that they might be signs of being autistic because he exhibits a lot of anti-social Behaviour. Typically when antisocial behaviors are apparent this early it’s likely to be something from the autistic Spectrum. To be very honest here three of my five children are affected with autism. And so that was my first thought. However this child is the only child I have with the man that I believe is a sociopath. I have read books on sociopathy and taking checklist and read website. And they all pretty much verify my fear that my partner is a sociopath. I keep repeating that because I think it’s very important for me to deal with that. To accept it and acknowledge it. Because to be honest I have lived in a private and secret world for two and a half years now believing that I was the biggest piece of crap that ever existed. I’m falling into the Trap of believing that everything he did to me I deserved. At first he was my prince charming. You probably all know the same feeling and it’s so nice to know that other people have gone through this and can hold my hand through this. At first he was the love of my life. I couldn’t believe how fast we moved. I’ve never moved so fast in a relationship but he wanted it so bad. I’m a middle-aged woman with four children and a history of drug abuse that I am in recovery for period I have been clean and sober for three and a half years now. I came with a lot of baggage. But mr. Prince Charming didn’t seem to care about any of that. He promised me he would show me what love really was for once since I had two grown up in a bad situation where my parents did not love me and my siblings and not love me and the whole world seem to crap on me. He said don’t worry it’s final your time to be loved. He taught me how to look people in the eye and he taught me that it was safe to give hugs and other simple things I have been denied for so long. I had gotten clean and sober and has started to make a great life for myself my children. I had a large house in a nice neighborhood my own car my own job my own income my own source of food and everything. My children were well taken care of and finally becoming happy and feeling stability for once in our little lives. And then Prince Charming came in seeming to fill that last void we had of needing a man in our lives. Within two months he had proposed to me and got me pregnant. It felt so natural I can’t explain it was like he had somehow gotten into my brain and seeing what I needed in a man that became just that just for me! I swore that God Alone have made this man for me he was so perfect!but then things changed when I moved in with him. He told me he owned his own home and his mother lived with him so that he could take care of her because she was disabled. I just assumed he had a natural caretaking type of Personality. He always seem to want to hang around with people that needed help so that he could help them. Later I learn this is more about control than anything. He seems to seek out weaker people so that he can feel better than them. But at the time and I moved in with him I truly believe the things he was telling me that he owned his own home and that he owned his own car and that he was a manager at a game store. When I moved in his mother was Furious that he had moved a middle-aged woman and four children into her home. That’s right I said it her home. Not his. That was the first huge lie that I caught him in. I was wondering to myself why would you lie about owning the song why wouldn’t you just tell me it’s your mother’s home? He said you wouldn’t have moved in with me then. And I was like true I would not have I would have stayed in my own home. But it was too late and we live there. Another lie was that he owned his car it turns out the car was his mother’s as well. And he wasn’t a manager at the game store just a lowly shift supervisor. I figured the boy was young and just was embarrassed to tell me he’s real situation and I trying to give him a break. But then you started to get physical. Smacking me around raping me. Again I figured you were just traits of a young boy learning to be a man. Raised by a woman who clearly didn’t teach him how to be a good man. He always said he was sorry in the beginning. Later he didn’t say he was sorry anymore he told me I was sorry. That I was in the wrong and I deserve to be beat and raped. Eventually we moved out of his mother’s and got ourselves an apartment together and since I was pregnant I ended up having the baby and I thought things would be great. Unfortunately mr. Prince Charming could not stand the new baby. He literally wanted to throw the baby out the window he claimed. He told me later he was joking but I thought who jokes like that?! He said he literally wanted to give the baby up for adoption. And that he was being honest about. At this point I started to catch him texting other women. We fought over that and it first we would do the break up and make up thing. He would beg I would relent. As time went by things switched up and when we would fight he would tell me just to go that he had no feelings at all for me didn’t care one bit about me. These are the days that were filled with silence. I would try so hard to communicate with him. He had a strange me from all of my friends and family. He told me I only needed him. But then he failed to be there for me through anything. I can tell you so many stories. Like when I have seizures and he just lets me lays there and then wants to rape me during my seizures. I can tell you how I almost lost our baby and I almost died in the process of having an emergency C-section because the baby had torn my womb open as it was trying to come out and the doctor said 20 minutes to say one or the other of us and I chose the save the baby’s life but somehow miraculously made it through myself. And mr. Prince Charming was nowhere to be found. He said he was bored with all that and just wanted to play video games. My mother had to come instead. I didn’t understand because he had had two children previously with another woman and he claimed that woman never let him see the birth of the child and he really wanted to see the birth of Prince Charming jr. Yes I named the child after him obvious is name is not really Prince Charming but I’m just using that as a fake name so that we don’t get out details here. Anyways he was not there for the birth of Prince Charming jr. In fact he didn’t visit us in the hospital until two days later. He brought a buddy with him because as he said they were in the middle of playing games when I called and asked him to please come bring me some clothes from home. He was very annoyed that I had bothered him. Later when I came home he literally carried me up the steps he took total care of me and treated me like a princess. It was almost as if he knew that I was going to leave him and go live with my mother after that incident and he needed to make it up so we became mr. perfect again for a while. He’s so back and forth I never know which Prince Charming I’m going to be talking to period I can tell you so many stories. I’m not trying to bore anyone. I suppose evolved into the similar things. I guess my question is just what do I do now about this child let’s have with him. It seems like a silly thing to worry about but when you’ve experienced the depths of depravity that sociopathy can cause someone to exhibit you just don’t want your own flesh and blood little child end up going out into the world and treating people like that! I look at this beautiful little baby I have and I think I don’t want him to go off into the world and treat some woman the way that I’m being treated. I want my son to go into the world and bless the world with his friends. Not ruin someone’s so like his father did. And crying as I type this. I’m sorry. I just hope somebody can help me, guide me, something…. please.

  • #41025

    AnnettePK
    Participant

    IAmStuckAgain, The situation you’re finding yourself in is heartbreaking. it sounds like you did a great job of taking care of yourself, getting sober, having a job and a home. You must have worked very hard to accomplish all that. Congratualtions on your successes. You can feel proud of yourself for all that you have accomplished.

    I can relate to the despair you feel at the possibility that your son is disordered. It is also a lot to grieve to find out that your ex is a sociopath who tricked you into caring for him so that he could exploit you. You cared about the person he said he was; it is beyond horrible that he doesn’t care about your well being. He doesn’t care about anyone.

    How old is your son? Is he under 2? If he is young, the traits you’re concerned about may be within the normal range for a child. For example, it is normal for some teenagers to behave in selfish uncaring ways, and then develop empathy when they mature. If your son truly is disordered, there are ways of parenting that can help get the best outcome possible. There is a lot of good information here: http://parentingtheatriskchild.com/ASP.html As is the case with an autistic child, even if you do your best for the child, there’s no cure. It’s not your fault, and the outcome is not completely under your control.

    Are you away from your sociopath partner? The best thing you can do for yourself and your son is to get away from the sociopathic father and have as little contact as possible. He sounds particularly evil, considering his ability to fake being a normal loving man so well in order to trap you.

    Take care. If you’re doing your best, that’s all you can do. Things will get better for you.

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