How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Discussion of female sociopaths › I’m looking for answers to get away
- This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 6 months ago by rg7575.
August 30, 2020 at 3:13 pm #63805rg7575Participant
I am a recent addition to this forum and have been spending a little time reading through some of the posts here. Many of them relate “close to home”, but think she may be a malignant Narcissist or BPD. She’s divorced once before. Found this webpage on a search. My story is long and I kept a written log from 2014 of situations that have happened or are still going on with my female other-half. I’ve gone grey-rock with her stunts or primarily keep my mouth shut. A friend, who got divorced since 2014, had shared with me different webpages and have been reading ever since and expanded on this for curiosity.
The reasons I’ll describe for posting is to display a few situations on MS Word – #1-they will shock the be givers out of you. #2-Both of our names are on the deed on a fully paid for house. I’m thinking about rehiring my attorney (estate) to write up a bullet proof lien for half the house when she decides to sell, since she says it hers? She makes twice as much than myself and I repainted the inside, hired the different contractors, keep up the exterior and interior stuff weekly, but she always keeps coming up with more while I keep the receipts for this. Money monger. Always thought she was just using me for her own personal gain. She gaslights and I slip once in a while, but she keeps going on anyway. I do not believe she has self-esteem or an identity and locks up the house for no reason-security. Her mimicking me, manipulating me with the controlling attitude and the two dogs suffer also.
Plan on retiring next year sometime. She doesn’t let me know anything with exception to an appointment once in a while. We now don’t talk that much I want to get clear away from her and moving to Florida with no contact. My family and friends are supportive of this. She has no “true” friends. Which leaves my loyal two dogs in a situation.
#1 from above…….
Issues in her head had started in 1999 I noticed vaguely. We’ve been together since late 1997 or in contact. Her father passed in 2000 from cancer. Mother passed in 2014 and an aunt 7 months later. I started to notice her messed up behavior at that time in early 1999’s, but didn’t think much out of this when I finally moved in with her. Gather it was from both sides of her family? Wow! She just started to take over in the early 2000’s and don’t believe in women being bossy in a way that’s controlling and demeaning to anyone. Set me back being an empath. Women’s Lib is what I’m getting at or I thought. Probably, another mask to hide behind, because I just didn’t like her behavior and she never compromised? Ordering me around or expecting certain things to be done. She’s just a plain demanding bitch with arrogance, manipulation (mimicking me) and very bossy. She said I was good for her ego at one time when at my mom’s house in Iowa feeling sorry for her back around 2000. Gulp wish I had known then what I know now, damn! I was just being nice empath as I usually am. Nice guys/gals finish abused and possibly F’%^D up mentally and learn from it. Didn’t realize the monster inside her was awakening. Usually, I would take things slow, but this was not that slow. After a while, she would start screaming out words that didn’t make sense to anyone or anything for some stupid reasons when we lived in Portsmouth, R.I.? Possessed? I didn’t know at the time that this was a mental disorder. She was just yelling into free space for anyone to hear. WTF? First outburst for anyone to hear…demons? Guess the (poss.) child abuse or her agony in her was trying to leak out and too bad it didn’t happen earlier when dating. Maybe it did and I just didn’t notice? Maybe the child in her never grew up? I’m sure this was the case and calculating on her part. Now I know I was dealing with a 2-3-year-old all this time. Should’ve moved on then, but she drew me back for more punishment. Early in the relationship back in the late 90’s, she asked me if I was going to hit her while driving in the car – to my surprise. Just lightly slapped her on the forehead and laughed. That’s how hard I’m going to hit you. She probably thought I was a cuck – Joke was on me for being honest and she quickly took over. Evidently, she was trying to see how far I would go and she would take over. A different type of quirkiness is how to describe her. Well, my apartment rental lease was expiring and she asked if we could move in together. I extended my lease 3 months and the landlords were thrilled after a walkthrough one day holding off this big move due to how clean and no maintenance by them. I finally gave in and we moved in together, while putting my furniture and other auto in storage – I owned two cars. Which, she sold off most of my stuff at that time. I was really blind or blindsided by her. She gave me no options to get away from her. Should have gone with the gut and ran.
I have the list of items that put her in rage……I’ll share a few……
We were watching TV on a Saturday afternoon. She gets up and goes in the kitchen to wash rinse her glass out from coffee. We have a gate between the family room and kitchen, so the pups usually try to get out. She mentioned grabbing the gate…. did dog1, dog2 or both come to her while opening the gate? I looked over and both pups were lying down on the couches. I said no. WHAM the gate closes…. HERE IT COMES……. She says answer my question (yelling) at me sitting on the couch, again and staring at me (while the pups were laying on the couches). I asked you two questions…… did dog1, dog2 or both come over while opening the gate and want answers? I said NO – you asked 3 questions and the answer is no to all three……It goes on and on. Tired of this crap. Where the heck did that come from? NOW I KNOW!!!!!
Here we go…. again…. she mentioned on having the last ice cream cone (small one) and went to the freezer and looked. It wasn’t there. She asked if I ate it. I said I did. She started screaming…. what’s the matter…you don’t have any balls to tell me you ate it! I just said – go out and buy some more……what a bitch!
(sis-n-law) saw firsthand what I go thru daily when driving to Lake Okeechobee with the beast sitting in the back seat on her I-phone. My hat is off to the sis-n-law for turning around and doing what she did with my luggage in the back seat (or 2-year-old) and going home. Basically, what we went thru is normal behavior with my luggage, it’s not you it’s them crying and putting fits in the back seat like a 2-year-old. But as adults, normally, we would treat one another with some salt of respect no matter how much they were with us. Bitch, again.
The abuse is the same and its ground hog day every day. I no longer share any family, friend, or daily information with her. Just grunt out Hmmm if asked a question. She’s still here!? No empathy from her side!? It is like she doesn’t want her punching bag to leave. No feelings between us what-so-ever and I capitalize this. Can’t wait to leave and getting the F$^k out is the only answer.
She never accepts blame on her part, but transfers this on to you. They have a problem with culpability – they don’t like ever admitting they’re at fault a mistake or a problem. They always deflect (project) the blame on a factor or to someone else is the cause of the problem. If she is backed into a corner she will apologize until the cows come back. This is to only lower your guard, so she can go back to her manipulation of you. However…one of the easiest way to detect NPD/BPD she loses her $hit if you ever say no to anything and is considered the easiest way to detect the prior. They don’t like anyone to take control and perceive the control. Drives them ape-_hit! …JUST SAY NO….
Physical and mostly emotional abuse is what we are talking about here. My life is mentally unproductive living with her and want to run away from this. Only cheer is seeing the dogs and enjoying them! I had a false report for a stroke in 2013 – doctors report. Believe I was dehydrated and just needed water from snow throwing for a couple of hours when 56. I was in the hospital for two days. The doctors could not find the issue and I drank more water. But here I am on prescriptions, which I quit taking to date. Everything else is fine. I’m betting that if I get away from her I will not have to see a doctor but once a year for a checkup. The stresses of her, work, doing simple chores and snow blowing that certain day was my “perfect storm” for disaster. Besides, I have a new doctor now. The one I previously visited is not in the HSA plan or good either. Just keep popping the drugs they say. Idiots! From 2013: I asked her to stop yelling when she was driving me home from the hospital from my brief dehydration visit and she said no. I believe in my heart she wanted me dead for the house. She mentioned the dog (deceased in ’16-now we have two pups) and cat would sit at the steps on the ground level waiting for me to come down night after night and she did not like staying in the house alone. But, instead of turning her good will to support myself, she drove her mom to Florida as she had done the prior 15 years and left myself alone.
She has a way to ruin ones’ fun with other people in different situations due to lack of communication, because of the BPD in them and they can’t feel empathy. Dr Jeckle & Mr. Hyde. I really want out and pursuing the attorney within the next month.
This is my partial – please feel free to help…..
August 31, 2020 at 5:47 pm #63806Donna AndersenKeymaster
rg7575 – I am so sorry for what you are enduring. Please know that everything you describe is typical of a female sociopath. You said you want to get away from her — that is absolutely the best thing you can do. She will never change, and nothing you ever could have done would have made her treat you any better. It is her, not you. So definitely leave.
We have lots of information here on Lovefraud that may help you.
September 24, 2020 at 8:09 am #63931nospParticipant
The only piece of advice I can add is if & when you do leave & divorce this woman rg7575 have a look at Bill Eddy of High Conflict Institute’s website and/or books. Eddy has experience as a social worker, a mediator & an attorney & he can help you find an attorney who specializes in high conflict family law cases (he teaches attorneys, judges, mediators, arbitrators & people who administer the divorce & separation processes. You are going to have a heck of a fight on your hands, Bill’s your guy to both learn how to conduct yourself during your separation & divorce process as well as finding you good representation to handle her high conflict personality.
September 24, 2020 at 4:53 pm #63939rg7575Participant
We are not married, which is key. She tried to get the insurance (home/auto) under her name. Slammed this shut and paying my own. Only thing in common is the house and the time–money I put into it. I pay the utilities. My gut instinct proved NOT TO MARRY HER years ago when I found out she’s an issue.
I’m not making any moves away until next summer to get out (retire), so grey rock and passively walking on eggshells until then. Can hold my own with her now to an extent and walk away when nutso. Guessing she’ll say everything in the house is all hers (not) with more than 1/2 of the house at sale. Most of my valuables are in a storage unit to date (shhh). Talked and arranged a time to visit my attorney to write up a bullet proof lien for at least half of the house. She is a control freak with the aspects of a sociopath as you mentioned. Very dangerous and only thinking of herself. TBC.
Thanks for the information below. I saw a video of you and a female lawyer talking about this situation. Always learning and finding out what is best for myself. I’ll check out the below.
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