lf2

Indifference to a Narcissist

This topic contains 21 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by  elena 5 months, 1 week ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #39464

    Sariel113
    Participant

    I was discarded after 8 months. I never saw it coming, so it was devastating to say the least. It was the worst pain I had ever been in. However, I sought to educate myself and learn everything I can about the disorder. I had PTSD and got better through EMDR therapy, but each day my heart hurt due to the betrayal. I was doing better and 7 months later the narcissist emails me and ask me to forgive him. I wanted answers and so I did. The first few months were a bliss. I even opened my own business and asked him for advice many times. After a few months he did not keep promises that he first said he would. He began gas lighting me and mirroring me. We finally had a huge argument, which he initiated. He told me that he needs to think if this is really what he wants to give him a few days. I told him that it would not be necessary because I was the one that did not want to be with him. I also told him that he was a narcissist and a sociopath. To go get professional help, because he would only get worst with age. I told him that from this moment on he would be blocked, deleted and non-existence in my life. Never to try and come back again, because I no longer felt anything for him. He tried to get me to respond to his text and I wouldn’t so the final text from him was, stay away from disordered people, lol. I still never responded, because I knew that by responding he would only reel me back in.
    It’s been 6 months and I he sent a Halloween card with my locket, which I had begged for. I had accepted that I would never see it. I opened up the card, took out the locket and returned the card with a written message on the envelope that read: No Such Address. Return to sender. I was angry that he had the audacity to contact me. As I had moved on and in no way wanted any contact. However, I did break No Contact, but in no way feeling bad about it. In fact, I’m feeling quite proud, although any fuel is fuel I also sent him the following message: Please refrain from sending things to my home. I don’t bother you, therefore don’t bother me. My boyfriend picked up the mail and asked me. Also, please tell me where to send your military tags, because they are taking up valuable space in my safe deposit box. I did not want to discard them because they have your social security number on them, (thank my mother for this one). Your tags are just taking space as they do nothing for me. I hope that you have the decency to tell me where to send them or to discard them. If I do not get an address where to send them I will assume you want them discarded. I will keep this message as proof that I asked you so in the future nothing can come back to me as far as a false accusation. And once again, do not bother me by sending idiotic cards to my home. I’m not interested.
    I have not received a message yet and so I will definitely discard the tags. I know I caused narcissist injury, but who cares. I slept well last night and did not even think about it. How can these idiots feel that we are in the wind waiting for them? I read that narcissist are vindictive and some will just move on. Has anyone experienced this type of behavior and responded back with indifference? What can I expect? I don’t want this person in my life. I know No contact is the best, but I really wanted to let him know not to contact me again. I had to get it out of my system.

  • #39774

    greenstick
    Participant

    Are you being indifferent really? It sounds like you want a reaction from him. Did you give a time scale for discarding the tags? It sounds honestly like he left them with you to keep the door ajar. Ask yourself honestly, why have you not discarded the tags before and if he has been disrespectful to you and didn’t care about your feelings, why are you giving to him again? I’m not saying this to be horrible. No contact is so hard, but you’re making a threat over his tags and he’ll just read it as drama, ‘she’s still into me.’ It’s the sad arrogant way these tossers think. Don’t feed his ego. If he doesn’t reply within a fortnight, chuck them and if he wants them returned, do so but don’t put anything else in the envelope. Good luck. Love and light to you, because this is hard and I know it is.

  • #39779

    Sariel113
    Participant

    Hello greenstick,
    Thank you so kindly for your comment. When I sent the card back, I wanted nothing more to do with this clown. For every action there is a reaction, so I guess me sending back the card would tell him to leave me alone, because I’m not interested. However, with disordered people we can not expect any normal reaction, because the only reaction I got was for him to text me from a different number and me responding and breaking no contact again. However, as I stated, I have no regrets. This is the 2nd time he tries to come back. The first time I allowed it, because in my heart I thought I could help him change and I was not aware how bad this disorder is. This time I was able to get closure. He apologized and said that he takes fault for the relationship failing. I took these words for what they are. Words with no substance or true meaning. I feel we needed to talk, because I wanted to say my peace. I told him many things that I had bottled inside. I was not cruel, nor angry. However, I was able to tell him that I don’t love him anymore. Those days are long gone. To say in the first discard I did not suffer would be a lie. I did, but today I feel absolutely nothing at all. To me that’s indifference. Yes, he left the tags to come back. I could never throw the tags out. I am a veteran and we served together 30 years ago. His social security number is on these tags and no matter how bad he treated me there was no way that I would discard the tags. I would have mailed them to him regardless, so the card gave me the perfect opportunity to return them and return them I did. He asked me to keep one tag and I said, No thank you! You and I from this moment on have no more attachment. I knew that he wanted me to keep one tag to keep a hold on me. I found out he had a car accident, lost his house, his credit is ruined and IRS is after him. Karma works in mysterious ways. He wants to come back. However, I forgave him one time and that was enough to understand that this man cannot love me. I know it’s not me. What he is looking for is someone who is submissive, who will not question and who will play the role of a carpet. That’s not me. I saw him the second time for his true disordered self. Someone I cannot love. Someone who will only make me miserable and destroy my beautiful life. This time I told him everything I felt like. I wanted him to hear what I had to say. He listened, and did not rage. However, I know that he listened because he wanted to come back so he played the role. I don’t want him back and never will. Do I forgive him, I guess. I don’t hate him, I don’t love him. I feel nothing at all. This man comes back every 6 months and now it’s beginning to me comical. Your words are not harsh, so please do not feel I took offense to anything you said. We are all here trying to find our way and each one has a story to tell, but we are outside looking in. What they did to us is cruel and torturous. For anyone to treat a human being the way we all have been treated is unthinkable. However, it happened and there is nothing I could do but move forward and heal. Today, I am much stronger. This was the most horrific experience I went through. However, due to this experience I am stronger, wiser and unwavering. I have helped many women heal as well. I made some great friends along my journey. To say I don’t think of him would be a lie, but to say I think of him in a loving manner would also be a lie. I think of how damaged and empty this man is. How unhappy and dark his life is. I could not wish this on my worst enemy. I truly feel sorry for the empty vessel he has become. However, he’s no problem of mine. So I wish him well, and I know I will never ever see nor speak to him again. He will come back, this I assure you. However, there is no residue left from the love I once felt. I found closure, because I gave it to myself. Today, I am so much self aware and indifference towards him is what I truly feel. I wish for you light, beauty and wisdom. I hope and pray that the peace I feel within me you will find too.

  • #39902

    Sunnygal
    Participant

    I hope you are doing well.

  • #40198

    Sunnygal
    Participant

    A good support system helps I have found

  • #40201

    howdoimoveon
    Participant

    What do you define as a good support system? Sometimes it’s hard to tell who to talk to and share with. I don’t want to overburden my friends and family as they haven’t had the bad experience and trauma that I have had so kind of don’t get where I’m coming from. Any suggestions welcome, thank you.

  • #40202

    Sunnygal
    Participant

    howdoimoveon Are there domestic violence professionals or a DV hotline you can access? These people cam be helpful. Actually, anyone can call the U.S. DV hotline with Skype.

  • #40203

    cloud79
    Participant

    I feel exactly the same , everyone tells me to move on and they just don’t understand the trauma he caused . I hear all the time “Why don’t you find yourself someone normal?” As if it was so easy to do. Anyways, if you want to talk privately ask Donna for my email and I would be very happy to keep in touch with you. Believe me I understand very well what you are going through! X

  • #40206

    Sunnygal
    Participant

    cloud79 I think both people need to ask Donna to give an e address.

  • #40208

    cloud79
    Participant

    Not a problem. If howdoimoveon is interested I can ask Donna as well. I’m happy to exchange my email with anyone who asks except sociopaths…

  • #40209

    howdoimoveon
    Participant

    Ok, I’m interested. I’d like to think on it overnight but how do we ask Donna and what exactly is an e address?

    Until it has been mentioned in this thread by Sunnygal I hadn’t considered my situation to be in the frame of domestic abuse. I still struggle with this idea as I consider his response and behaviour towards me to be because he was stressed by my illness. I know I need to change this viewpoint. People keep telling me that if he really loved me he would have supported me unconditionally and not have grown to resent me. My problem is he was so incredibly supportive initially and then became very, very slowly resentful and unkind that I still see it as my fault. “If I hadn’t have gotten sick and put that long term pressure on him then he wouldn’t have behaved that way.” THAT is what I need to change in my head. Any help would be great as I’m now on my own struggling as best I can with treatment after treatment and it’s a seriously lonely place to be, however positive I try to remain! Thank you for your kindness.

  • #40210

    Sunnygal
    Participant

    howdoImoveon There is a support group for people with rheumatoid arthritis and other autoimmune diseases you might look at- http://www.roadback.org. There are some with lupus. Some are English.

    Emotional abuse is abuse.

  • #40211

    cloud79
    Participant

    An email address. Let me know tomorrow what your decision is and I will email Donna .

  • #40222

    Sunnygal
    Participant

    howdoimoveon I have a friend who had rheumatoid arthritis and was very disabled by it. Her husband was very supportive as she sought treatment and helped in her recovery. That is how a husband/partner should be.

  • #40223

    It Takes 2
    Participant

    Equanimity, I have learned that only time will tell what happens next when they try to connect with you again. I’m sure he will and it sounds like you know that too.
    Mine still tries every great once in a while. I have remained stone silent 2 years now, but that’s AFTER 2 years of many fatal attempts at stopping contact. In the last 2 years he’s tried at least 4 X’s that I’m aware of to contact me.
    Committing yourself to No Contact is what will keep you from falling back into their games. Knowing what I know now about these disordered people, and if I had been you, I would have just mailed the tags back in an envelope with no conversation whatsoever…that is, since you felt compelled to return the tags for his own good.
    No Contact of any kind works great for us, but it’s deadly for them.
    Just be prepared for how you will react when you hear from him again.

  • #40224

    Sariel113
    Participant

    It Takes Two,

    Yes, I agree it only takes time when they contact you. I have been weak and have answered in the past. The last time he contacted me he stated that he is receiving therapy. I was happy that he did, but I no longer felt anything for him. I was trying really hard, but it wouldn’t come out of me. I cared so much for this man one time and no longer could get those feelings back. I think he sensed that, because he started crazy making. He told me to go get help because I was disordered. We know that they turn around everything around on us. I told him never to contact me again, because I was not interested at all. I blocked him everywhere. I also closed my facebook account. He will contact me again, because he’s so disordered he does this. When I broke contact, I honestly felt that I could change him, that love conquers all. No way, I know that he is disordered from all the literature I have read and that he can never be changed nor helped. I cried for months and could not find my happiness again. However, today I feel nothing for him. I don’t want him to contact me, because it’s annoying me. The first time he discarded me he contacted with the lies, I believed him so I went back. Months later I discarded him for all his crazy making. He contacted me 7 months later which was in February of this year, but this is when I no longer felt anything. No love in this world can fix these people. I am at peace and have been very busy. I haven’t had time to come on here, because I have been so busy. I am doing fine. I understand what happened to me and although no longer view the world the same way I did before, I am at peace and never think of him. I know that there is never a next time, because when he contacted me last there were no feelings. Now I’m disgusted that I gave him a second chance. However, I am proud that I never gave him a third chance and never will. Thank you all who have supported me here. To Sunnygal. Thank you for inquiring about how I’m doing. As you see I am doing so well and now I help other women understand what is happening to them. I say, I needed to heal me so I can help others. He can never ever come back, because I don’t want him even if he paid me a billion dollars to take him back for just one day.

  • #40228

    Stargazer
    Participant

    Equanimity, you sound very strong and determined, and I hope this can inspire others here who are still addicted or in shock. I just read an article today on the 7 ways narcissists try to get back together with you. They tricks they use are very seductive, but they are just tricks as you have already gathered. Stay strong. The best thing you can do now is to really connect with your self and get to know yourself well. The more you see your own patterns and vulnerabilities, the more empowered you will feel, and the less likely you will be to attract someone like this again.

    I am constantly peeling back memories of my childhood and connecting them to my choices of friends and partners. It’s astounding to make these connections. I cannot stress enough to really take the time for this type of inner work. This site is a wonderful resource, and I have so much gratitude to be a part of it.

  • #40231

    Sunnygal
    Participant

    Equanimity Good to hear from you.

  • #40327

    howdoimoveon
    Participant

    Hi,
    Thanks everyone, especially cloud79 and Sunnyvale for the kind words. I didn’t want you guys to think I had ignored you. Unfortunately my new treatment didn’t go so well and I landed up in hospital for a while.
    I’m home now. Back on the forum and head still spinning a little. I’ve had too much time to think whilst being ill. I’ve realised that I was being emotionally abused and that hurts, especially as I was so desperately ill at the time. My parents say that why I couldn’t see it.
    Anyway, I am on another new treatment so fingers crossed. I am also next in line for some counselling therapy, I can’t afford private. I am also interested in an email with Donna but does it cost a lot? Finances are really tight. My biggest problem (apart from my disease) is the guilt that I carry. When my ex left me he told me it was all my fault and I just can’t seem to get over that, I need to.

  • #40330

    Davidcoorp
    Participant

    Вам проконсультируют о приближенной обстоятельству неисправности, сроках ликвидации и приближенной стоимости ремонтных работ.
    Консультирование [url=http://xolodremm.atwebpages.com/]Круглосуточно – Ðеисправности ремонтирование freezer на дому Люберцы[/url] несомненно поможет вас сберечь немало времени, а имеет возможность являться в том числе и и ресурсы, по причине этого, что же достаточно.
    Зачастую нарушения в работе морозильника имеет возможность ликвидировать лично покупатель, в случае если пояснить что же необходимо совершать, рядом данном никак не понадобиться без толку порождать Собственного специалиста согласно ремонтным работам морозильников в жилье.
    Автор ремонтируем недорого всевозможные модификации морозильников Либхер, Опора, Стинол, Индезит, Инструмент, Вестфрост, LG, Ðемец, Электролюкс, Вирпул. http://xolodremm.atwebpages.com/ ремонт холодильников на дому.

  • #40349

    Davidcoorp
    Participant

    Почтение моё Ð. Вот тема. [url=http://xolodremm.atwebpages.com/]Срочно Ремонт freezer бесплатно Люберцы[/url] Ремонт холодильников Ñ‘ мое таки. Эксгуматор труп эксгумировал, эксгумировал, да не выэксгумировал. Зачастую нарушения в работе морозильника имеет возможность ликвидировать лично покупатель, в случае если пояснить что же необходимо совершать, рядом данном никак не понадобиться без толку порождать Собственного специалиста согласно ремонтным работам морозильников в жилье.
    Ссылка на этот ресурс http://xolodremm.atwebpages.com/ Прощаюсь но помню. I wonder if you could give me some information…

  • #40458

    elena
    Member

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.


Send this to a friend