How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › Is he starting a smear campaign?
May 29, 2018 at 7:26 am #45676
I posted on here a couple of months back about my experience with a sociopath who pretended to love me but took my money by various pity plays etc and basically manipulated me over the weeks i was with him. I went no contact but kept on giving in, such was his hold on me.I started getting my life back going dating with guys which led to silent treatment from the soce who had claimed we were now just mates. I lost my temper, told him a few home truths and this weekend went no contact again, looking forward to a couple of dates with some nice guys I’ve been chatting to, this coming week. Both live a bit of a distance away but I have enjoyed chatting to them as friends for a month or so (one lives a bout 18 miles away, one about 30. All has been going well with arrangments to meet set up. However in the space of 8 hours both have messaged me calling it off, blaming distance and not wanting to be in a relationship even though i never mentioned that. All was fine yesterday then suddenly…my question is some weeks ago I was with my sociopath in the pub and when I got back from the loo he was messing with my phone. Is it in the realm of possibility that he’s hacked my Facebook messenger and warned these guys off over the weekend to punish me for no contact? Or am I too paranoid? He did once threaten to do this once before with a friend of mine he thought I was seeing saying he was going to contact him and when he had finished this friend would never want to speak to me again. He did use aa mutual friends fb to message me yesterday simply saying he had been drinking Saturday night, but I didn’t understand the message. Would he stoop so low or is it just a coincidence?
May 29, 2018 at 9:53 am #45677
Clazdana, a sociopath is capable of at and a lot worse things. The stories on here are filled with pity plays and sucking money out of victims through manipulation. You need to get him completely out of your life and take time to recover so you can understand what has happened and keep it from happening again. Find the strength within yourself. You can o it. It will only get worse if you keep playing his games. I wish you the best and believe me understand the back and forth. Its time to move on…
May 29, 2018 at 10:42 am #45678
Hi Clazdana, YES, a sociopath can & will hack into someones account and create a smear campaign against them!!
Your feelings are not “paranoia”, this is your GUT INSTINCT kicking in telling you what this man is capable!!
The fact that he “once threaten to do this” = he is absolutely capable of hacking & sending out messages. Also the fact that these two men both sent you cancelation notices at the same time = leads you to believe that he did this.
Cancel your Facebook & open a new one. Also get your computer cleared by a professional. He could have easily installed a computer monitoring program to literally see everything you are typing.
Some sociopaths will install hidden camera’s in their victims homes etc. Donna has written on this very subject so do a search up on the top right corner here at love fraud.
Sociopaths are very scary when they dont get their way…and right now this guy wants more money from you & to control you so who knows what he is capable. If he did hack your computer go to the police & file a report!! Cover your tracks when it comes to sociopaths they can easily turn the tables & get their target victims arrested for crimes that the sociopath committed. Scary scary world we live in. Glad you posted today.
Google: “Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube” and watch their video on listening to your gut instinct. Gavin Debecker’s book is called “The gift of fear” it is a must read for every woman on this planet…it will remind you to listen to your gut instinct & not weaver from it ever.
Keep NO contact in place with this guy!! He will only destroy you, take your money & continue his smear campaign against you.
Do a search on LF & the net for:
Sociopath smear campaign
Gas lighting abuse
These guys play nothing but mind games with everyone!! AVOID them = No contact rule words wonders!!
May 29, 2018 at 12:16 pm #45679
Here is an article from the net on the subject of sociopath hacking:
“Whilst in the relationship with the sociopath, you no doubt felt on ‘lock down‘, meaning that he knew, and had control about everything that you were doing, who you were speaking to. He will go to extreme lengths to learn what is going on with you. Remember that in the beginning the sociopath assesses you, for your worth? Well he is constantly assessing you, and to make sure that you will not escape him.
What is interesting, is that despite he wants control over your life, he is also very private about his own life. He will do everything to have control over your privacy (there will be no personal privacy with a sociopath), it feels like one rule for him, and another for you. Not only is he controlling, and you feel suffocated, you will have no idea what is really going on in his life in his secret life. He will:
Hack your email
Hack social networking sites
Read your phone messages and monitor calls that have been made
Read personal diaries
Ask constant questions to find out what you are doing and with whom
Expect you to always be open and honest about everything in your life – whilst being secretive about his own
At the same time he will be:
Extremely secretive – will have passwords on his computer that he constantly changes
Have his phone on silent, password protected, and on him all of the time (even when he goes to the toilet)
Keep you separate from his own private world (people he interacts with)
Lie, deceive, and feed you false information to mislead you
Fake Jealousy, fake paranoia…. to control you
When guilty of something himself, will falsely accuse you, of exactly what he is guilty of himself (to derail you)
It can quickly feel suffocating in a room with a sociopath. Even when the relationship ends the need for control, does not end. The reason why the sociopath does this, is not just because of his need to control you, it is because he see’s you, once he has targeted and selected you, as someone that he owns, he sees you as an extension of himself.
It is not just control, it is ownership. At first when you meet the sociopath, he will seem interested in you, and your life. This can be flattering, later in the relationship, and after it has ended, this intrusion into your privacy and violation of your personal space and rights can be overwhelming. You spend so long, defending your own rights, you hardly notice what is going on in his life, in secrecy from you. You will feel that nothing you do is right.
You constantly try to change to accommodate his needs and demands, but it will never be enough. The reason that he is like this, is because he needs to have control over you. I wrote earlier, how a sociopath can have both fake jealousy and real jealousy.Faking jealousy, keeps you under control. You feel like you are living under a microscope. But the sociopath will not show this side of his nature, until much later in the relationship, or indeed until after the relationship is over. It is the ultimate betrayal and invasion of privacy.
A sociopath takes great pleasure at having absolute control over your life, over knowing everything that is going on in your life, whilst keeping his own top secret. He behaves like a military spy. Some can even keep two phones. It is odd, that someone who is so determined to know about everything in your life, is so secretive about their own.
This gives the sociopath great joy, as it is the ultimate control, to guard the secrets of his own life, to be doing things behind your back, whilst keeping control over yours. To the sociopath the only freedom that is available, is his own. He has no concern for the rights or welfare of anybody else but himself. But he demands freedom for himself. And will go to great lengths to deceive and be deceptive. The more that he has control over your life, the more he can closely guard his own secrets, and his own private world the happier he is.
You would think that once the relationship is over, that he would give up the need to know everything about your life. But this is not the case. A sociopath hates to lose control, even from ex partners. He thinks that he has the right to move on, to do whatever he wants to do, but will not like it at all if you try to exercise your right to do the same.”
just google: sociopath hacking and also look on LF for Donna’s many articles on this subject.
June 1, 2018 at 10:19 am #45708
I divorced my female spath in 2016 and she just won’t let go. Hearing that I’m getting married to my HS sweetheart, she has sent an email to my soon-to-be wife effectively laying out my dirty laundry about work, love, and my character. Oh, and she included my ex-wife, college girlfriend, my new wife’s daughter, and the list goes on. Oh, and she is also untruthful about the majority of the things she says – mostly by twisting a few words to make it seem like she’s coming from a place of authority. A lot of it is made up of instances where she doesn’t know any of the people and/or wasn’t there in any case.
I didn’t get a copy, someone on the distribution did and gave me the heads up and I was able to intercept the email. My first reaction was to try to make this right somehow, but I decided to let things go, because giving it a response would only validate its content. We must be disciplined to not react to their vengeful tactics and take the high road – since the low road is already taken. Much of it is made up – the point is to devalue my in front of people in my life – like my ex-wife 30 years ago…we left on friendly terms, but you’d never know it by this email…
I’m increasingly shocked by the actions this spath continues to take to “get back” at me for figuring out who she really is…but I shouldn’t be really. My lesson is: once who find out who they are, just move on quickly and quietly, because these are very vengeful people – just like children.
Does anyone else have any experiences like this where the spath just doesn’t give up and will do anything to bring you down to their level? BTW, most recipients don’t really care about the past and seem to be healthy…
- This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by hedgepro.
June 4, 2018 at 12:26 am #45743
clazdana, I recommend you don’t attempt to start any new romances until the sociopath is out of your life and you’ve had some time to heal from him. At very least, he will interfere as it looks like he has already done. At worst, without taking the time to heal and reflect, you may end up with another sociopath. Maybe it’s best to work on just getting him completely out of your life with no possibility of returning, even as a friend. What kind of friend can a sociopath be to anyone?
June 4, 2018 at 10:37 am #45745
hedgepro -I can validate that many Lovefraud readers have had similar experiences. Some sociopaths just won’t let go and move on.
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