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Is my ex a real sociopath?

This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Jan7 6 days, 12 hours ago.

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  • #41769

    sandradee68
    Participant

    So I just got discarded after 20 years of an in and out relationship, plus there was alcoholism, and drug addictions on both our parts but him defiantly being the worst.. Soon into the relationship it started feeling very disfuctional.. I immediately understood he was controling.. I found myself following him around like a puppy trying to make him happy, he was always critiquing me, You should do this, I should do that. Anyways there’s much more to go into, but hey I will be here all day!! Now out of all the stuff he has put me through in the past, and just recently when he put the cherry on top.. He would always try to convince me that he does what he does because of the drugs, ok fine. But he had 10 years clean and I saw some of the same traits, and patterns come out.. I’m just trying to figure out if he’s truly a sociopath.. Now personally I think he’s just pure evil.. Up in till March he led me to believe that we were going spend the rest of our lives clean and sober, blah, blah blah!! The whole while engaging in a long distance relationship with a woman even younger than me and he’s never met, plus he says he’s in love. Now mind you he’s 64, I am 49, and now she’s 40.. Ever since I’ve been investigating about these disorders everything that I just been through with him makes sense.. But is he a real sociopath, or an addict??

  • #41778

    Stargazer
    Participant

    Hi Sandradee68,

    You may run into a “chicken or the egg” problem when trying to determine if he’s a sociopath. Sociopaths often use drugs or alcohol to fill their inner void, and they can be promiscuous. However, they will also lie about what they are doing very convincingly, and they will consistently blame you or someone else for their own bad behaviors. They never take responsibility for their own actions. People who take responsibility for their lives do not use drugs and alcohol as an excuse for bad behaviors. Even normal people who have slid into the downward spiral of drug and alcohol abuse are able to take responsibility for their choices when they start a recovery program. It sounds like you are working on your own recovery from drugs and alcohol. This is very admirable and you have a lot on your plate. You might consider that you are also addicted to the chaotic 20-year relationship that is destructive to your own well being.

    As for him, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt for a second that he is not a sociopath but just an addict. If he is professing his love for you one day, then getting involved with someone else the next day, how can this be good for you? He obviously is not committed to you. He is cheating, and it is a very painful betrayal. If he is telling you he is in love with her, this is a clear sign that he is just not for you. He is not there for you; he cannot love you; and continuing to go back to him will be harmful for you. I can only imagine how hard it is to let go of someone after a 20 year relationship. But if you can pull back and work on your own recovery, you might be able to break your addiction to this unhealthy person. It may be one of the hardest things you will ever do, but you can just walk away from all the drama and decide that you will never again tolerate anyone treating you like this. Just because you have your own issues you are working on does not mean that you are unworthy of total respect from your partner, friends, and associates.

  • #41791

    Jan7
    Participant

    Hi Sandredee68, welcome. I’m sorry that you have been in a nightmare of a relationship with this “pure evil” man. So glad you have researched & found your way to this wonderful site.

    How do you figure out if he is a sociopath or just a addict??

    Follow your gut!! Your gut is telling you he is “pure evil”, BELIEVE YOUR GUT!!! And RUN from him & impose the No contact rule!!!

    We have all been were you are, trying to figure out what “category” our ex’s fit into. But the bottom line is they fit into the “Abusers Category”!!!

    I would highly recommend that you look at your counties National domestic violence hotline website (this is the name in the USA) and read up on domestic abuse. Especially look up emotional & mental abuse. Including gas lighting abuse (do a search on love fraud too!!)

    What our society does not realize is the BULK of domestic abuse is emotional, mental, verbal & financial abuse!!

    Physical abuse typically does not occur in a abusive relationship until the vicim is about to leave or has just left.

    Is he a sociopath?

    you must realize that ALL sociopath are also narcissist. And most of these individuals do not have just one personality disorder but can have many.

    The main thing you should realize is he is NOT mentally healthy!!! The original term for sociopath/psychopath was morally insane.

    And you should save yourself & run from him.

    These evil people want to push their target victims over their emotional edge on PURPOSE!!

    Why?

    For power & control over their target vicim!!

    and

    For FUN. YES!! For fun.

    You have been putting up with his hellish behavior for 20 YEARS!!

    How many more years are you going to WASTE with him??

    There are 7 BILLION people on this planet. Half are men, half of them are in your age range to date.

    Why are you settling with a guy that you describe as “Pure Evil”?

    BTW most victims of a sociopath, including myself, describe their ex as “Pure Evil” and “The devil himself”.

    AGAIN FOLLOW YOUR GUT!!! Google “Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube” to watch their interview about always listening to your gut! Gavin’s book is “The Gift of fear” worth your time to read. Your local library may have it. Also if you go to the top of Lovefraud there is a “book store” with many wonderful books on unraveling the abuse & finding the truth.

    Hugs to you!!💜

    You should be very proud of yourself for searching for answers & for posting your honest post here. This is the first big step is seeing the truth & moving forward without your abuser.

    Bravo!!

    Wishing you all the best.

    • This reply was modified 6 days, 12 hours ago by  Jan7.
  • #41793

    Jan7
    Participant

    ps My ex h of 12 years is a sociopath and had a drinking problem too. it was a nightmare. He was a highly functioning sociopath & alcoholic.

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