Is This a Form of Narcissistic Hoovering?

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  josef219 1 year, 10 months ago.

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  • #40872


    Two weeks ago, the former narcissist in my life returned via texting… offering odd comments such as ‘we were good together’… ‘we had great times’… ‘love conquers all’… which extended to a wish to explain everything ‘the next time’ he saw me. I said there wasn’t going to be a next time. I had left him two months previous for various abusive reasons, the worst of which was his repeated pursuing of other women and telling THEM he loved them… although I was his ‘soulmate’, ‘meant to be’, ‘his ideal woman’. When I said no… he continued to press me for ‘dinner to discuss’. Almost fell for it… then decided to check on his sincerity early the next morning and drove to his house… to find he had a girl sleeping over who looked right at home as if she’d been there countless times. I called him out on his pursual of me when he was seeing someone and left. Within an hour he was texting me… telling me how nice he was, asking me for dinner… it was CONSTANT. I started no contact and blocked his calls and sent messages into spam. Recently I checked them and he has sent numerous texts several times every day wanting me to contact him… the most frequent and repeated text is “Hi can u please call me its important”… sometimes he gets a little creative and prefaces the word ‘important’ with the words ‘very very’. Why is he doing this? If something is SO IMPORTANT wouldn’t he simply state what that thing is? Just tell me? Not require me to call? This is all new to me and I’m slowly learning… but is this hoovering in action? Thanks for listening or any advice 🙂

  • #40896


    Don’t fall for it, this is a tactic they use to appeal to your empathic nature. There’s nothing important, it’s a way to get you to see him so that if he has you in person his chances if sucking you back in are greater. Mine tried this and when I agreed to see him it was about his father dying of cancer….which was a complete and total lie! Stay strong ….no contact is best and don’t read blocked messages, you need to move on, he is dangerous, souless, and not interested in your wellbeing! Be strong!

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  josef219.
    • #40965


      Thank you SO MUCH for responding… reading your advice sure helped me stay strong and not waffle into wistfulness thinking… hmmmm… maybe he IS missing me and fighting for me back… but no. You’ve helped confirm what I suspected was going on… that and thinking back about all his sneaky lies. No ambivalence now. He still hasn’t let up… but I have. Thank you 🙂

  • #40967


    It’s easy to get sucked in, when I had my first fight with my spath, I should have left him and under normal circumstances I would have been out the door in a heartbeat….but then he started crying and beating his head with his fists professing how much he loved me and how sorry he was. It was all an act, but at the time, I’d never seen anyone tell me this or demonstrate such remorse.
    So they get us believing, ” wow, this guy is different, he must really love me”
    When in reality they are just spinning the web to trap us into staying so they can suck the life out of us.
    They are all the same …your goal is to find happiness with yourself and then when that happens, you can search for real love from someone with real emotions …..follow your gut, it’s never wrong!

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