How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Sociopaths, narcissists, psychopaths as partners › Lies, deception, and addiction
June 17, 2017 at 10:43 pm #41110alyssamarie9293Participant
My fiancé and I have been together for a few years. We have a blended family with 3 girls. When we first got together I discovered that he has a porn addiction, to the extent of literally browsing porn every time he picked up his phone. It didn’t matter if he was home, at work, or just running errands. He somehow managed to make time for it. I confronted him as soon as I found out, and he claimed he would stop right then and there. It didn’t, fast forward two years (to around September of 2016). He got orders to TDY to Kuwait from work for 3 months. The thought of him being there, unsupervised scared the shit out of me. He assured me that he wasn’t going to do anything or watch porn. I found out a few days after he left that I was pregnant, and tried to drill it in his head that there was no room for error from him in the relationship anymore, especially with a new little one on the way and pulling our mixed family closer together. He again assured me that he was on a staging and narrow. A few weeks later I figured out how to access all of his browsing history on his phone. By no surprise I found porn, TONS OF IT. And to the extent where he was watching girls with dogs… DOGS FOR GOD SAKE. Not only that, there was browsing history of Craigslist backpages (basically a site for prostitues or just nasty women who like to degrade themselves). I have been disgusted by him since then. Today, I found out that the backpage browsing has basically gone on for the entire relationship. When confronted about anything he gets defensive, as if his actions are justifiable. Some times he tells me I “pushed him to do it”. His answer for the backpage browsing today was “I was just curious”. I’m sickened by him, to the point where I don’t know if I can even be attracted to him anymore. I feel like I have to keep him on a ball and chain to ensure he doesn’t mess up. His lies also lead me to believe he has cheated since we got together, but he denies it. He’s like the boy who cried wolf. I’ll never believe one word he says probably for the rest of our lives. And the thing that gets me is, he never realizes how much he’s hurt me. He usually just tells me I’m being dramatic. So who am I dealing with? Just a compulsive liar, or a sociopath?
June 18, 2017 at 2:40 am #41112AnitaParticipant
Alyssamarie, I’m going to offer the opinion that you’re dealing with sociopathic behaviours. Pathological lying, deviant addiction, lack of remorse, lack of accountability and the general perceived obliviousness and shapeshifting elements are all red flags. The nonsensical claim that you pushed him to do it is textbook sociopathic B.S, unfortunately. Run, don’t walk.
June 18, 2017 at 11:45 am #41118Jan7Participant
Alyssamarie, sending you hugs today. What a nightmare you are dealing with this very manipulative man.
Do you realize your husband is a sex addict?
When I first moved into my ex h home I found a porn magazine. I was extremely upset as this is not the type of man I wanted in my life. My father never had these types of magazines nor my brother or any other male in my extended family. So I was pretty shocked to see this. Of course he blamed it on one of his friends “leaving it at the house”. I did not buy his bs. Told him that our relationship would be over if I found another one. (this was before the internet).
Fast forward many years…we had been married 7 years or so. I had just found proof of his 2 year affair with a co-worker (he denied it through the two years as I had my suspicion) and he had begged me to stay with him promising he would “change” & “would do everything to save the marriage”. I wanted to leave…he used every trickery to keep me under his control pity play manipulation, blame shifting, etc etc and never changed or did anything to save the marriage.
About 6 months after finding out about his affair, he asked me to go on a business trip with him. I did not want to go but of course he knew how to manipulate me to get what he wanted. So there I was sitting in the hotel & decided to look at the internet. Some how I stubbed upon his history and there it was porn site, after porn site, after porn site. I was done. Leaving him. I called him told him what I found. Told him I was leaving to go home. He rushed back to the hotel. Gave me that whole song & dance manipulation show. Told me “it would never happen again” & “he would never look at porn again” etc etc.
It was ALL lies…100% of what he told me was a lie. I stayed in the nightmare of a marriage for 5 more years because he continues to break my spirt down everyday to keep control over me.
By the 12 year mark there was no trust on my end. When I finally escaped I found out that he had been cheating with 5 women, 3 of them he was having sexual relationship with. Not sure about the other 2. His porn habit never ended. On his old computer I found sites that he had been chatting on “hook up sites” etc.
When I finally crawled out of his hellish world, I was a shell of my former self. I was lucky enough to find a counselor who recognized all the anguish I had endured & told me straight away that I was married to a sociopath.
From the counselors information I began to search the net for more answers. What I found unraveled all the lies, at least the ones that I experienced but with a sociopath you will never know the full truth of their deception.
What I found on the net:
Porn addiction is TWICE as addicting as alcohol or drugs.
70 – 90% of porn addicts are sociopaths
These type of guy whether your husband is a sociopath or not NEVER CHANGE. The fact that your husband is looking at this crazy porn which is next level of porn shows you EXACTLY where his mindset is. This is a major addiction. Counseling for these types NEVER works.
YOUR PRIORITY IS TO PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN from this sex addict!!!
Can he harm your children with sexual thoughts and porn addiction?
PROTECT YOURSELF FOR DISEASE FROM THIS MANIPULATIVE MAN AND PROTECT Your CHILDREN from potential sexual harm!!!
How do you protect yourself and your children?
GET OUT OF THIS ABUSIVE MARRIAGE!!!
The fact that he is looking at “Craigslist back pages” leads me to believe that 99% that he is cheating on you with hookers or people that are willing to engage in disgusting sex acts. Many many victims have posted that they found their husband/bf on these sites and later found proof that their husband/bf where hooking up on these sites by either contracting an STD or found text message etc.
You need to open up your EYES WIDE OPEN. This man is a DANGER to your health and to your kids health and also to your and your children mindset.
IF you think that he is not doing the things in the Middle east that he did in the US because of their “religious country ethics” think again. I have traveled in the middle east for business. I had that mindset too until one of my co workers told me that he was solicited at the bar by a high class hooker. This was a 4 star hotel in a very religious Middle Eastern country. I was shocked to hear this. Your husband with his sex addiction will find someone over in the Middle East to fill his to fill his sexual addition.
Take this time away from him to get out of their emotional, mental & verbal abusive relationship.
1) find a counselor who is extremely knowledgable about sociopathic abuse.
2) go to your local abuse center and ask them to help you with a Exit Plan & Safety Plan out of this relationship. Also do a search on this.
3) Donna Anderson here at love fraud just did a video with a counsel named Mary Ann or maybe Ann Mary (cant remember)..if you can speak with Mary Ann via phone. She may charge a small fee not sure but she is excellent.
One thing that she mentioned in her video with Donna is the number one thing a victim of a sociopath feels about their relationship is “Confusion”. This is a tail tale sign you are dealing with a sociopath!!
Also Donna Anderson here at love fraud for a small feel will do a phone consultation with victims. Go to the top for this info.
PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS ADDICTION. HE HAS HAD THIS ADDICTION LONG BEFORE YOU ENTERED INTO HIS LIFE.
He is using “Sociopath Blame shifting” to keep you under his control. DONT BUY HIS BS!!
Keep reading everything here at lovefruad to open your mind up. Also Donna Anderson has written a book (see bookstore tab up at the top) called Lovefraud 10 signs you are dating a sociopath which you will benefit from reading.
Do you know that manipulation is a form of emotional & mental abuse?
Do you know cheating is a form of emotional & mental abuse?
Do you know that lying is a form of emotional, mental & verbal abuse?
Do you know that the bulk of domestic abuse is not physical abuse but rather emotional, mental, verbal & financial abuse?
Phsycial abuse in a domesitc abusive relationship typically does not occur until the vicim is ready to leave or has just left the relationship. This is why it is so important to have an EXIT plan & Safety plan (google this and look on you tube also for videos) of your marriage.
You can not change this man…you can not heal this man. The bulk of people that have sex addictions will never heal these addiction. Remember 70-90% of sex addicts are sociopaths!
Do you know its time for you to walk away from this abusive relationship?
Reach out to Donna Anders, Mary Ann and your National domestic violence hotline (USA 800-799-SAFE 7 days a week even holidays).
It’s time you had peace in your life again!!
Wishing you all the best!
Take care ?
ps if you have children with him look at the site One moms battle and also their Facebook page. You can also get help on their Facebook page for divorce (even if you dont have children with him). If you chose to chat on Facebook, I would highly recommend that you open a fake email & then use that fake email to open a fake Facebook page so you can chat freely without your husband , his family or his friends seeing what you are cheating about.
Makes steps out of this marriage WITHOUT your husband knowing…bit your tongue because you dont want him jumping on a plane back to manipulate you from leaving him. Take this time to make steps out while he is gone.
June 18, 2017 at 11:59 am #41121Jan7Participant
ps. The best thing I ever did for myself was leave my ex husband…ZERO regret in doing so. My only regrets are not listening to my gut when meeting him & not leaving sooner.
Google: “Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube” to watch their video on always listening to your gut instinct. You know its time to leave this manipulative man follow your gut hon!!
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