Mutual beneficial

This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  angelofdarkness 1 year, 3 months ago.

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  • #41442


    Having a disorder does not make someone a bad person.

    And dehumanizing someone, by comparing them to animals, because of a disorder is far worse.

    Sociopaths might not be able to love like other people, but they can still care a lot about people in their “inner circle”. A few individuals close to them, that they chose to protect and would go a far way to do so. Especially if they have “claimed ownership” over that person.

    I am in an open relationship with a sociopath. She has been honest about it, as she is not able to restrict her mentality so this is the best way she elects to protect partners from harm.

    There is a silent agreement between us that we don’t “do love”. Yes, we care deeply and like each other a lot, but there is no emotional love. We both covert distance, which is ideal as I am having issues binding to someone in a romantic relationship, and usually push partners away to never talk to them again if they advance too fast, as a result of being overprotective of myself due to gender dysphoria.

    I have, what some would call, a partial disorder. For me feeling empathy is rare and usually only if something were to happen to very close friends and family members. Why can’t people just be ok with the fact that I couldn’t care less if someone they care about has died?

    Not having to pretend to feel or display emotions around someone can be a relief. Perhaps a relationship with a sociopath is doomed to fail, but at least for the time being; it is mutually beneficial.

    Does lack of emotions that limit discernment make a relationship less normal or real?
    “Normalcy” is a construct of society and psychological prejudice

  • #41458


    I understand. I think empathy and “couldn’t care less-ness” is on a continuum. If two low empathy people can create a good life with each other this is a very good thing. It is good for the people involved, and also good because the s’path is not playing the field and having tons of opportunities to create more victims. (This is an observation in general, and is not meant to suggest that your partner would create victims if she weren’t with you).

    I’ve never liked the idea of diagnostic labels. So often people get mis-labeled and then they get mis-treated (as in the wrong treatment, not that they are treated badly in general). CPTSD is a relatively new diagnostic label. Prior to this (women mainly) were diagnosed as borderline personality disorder. In mental health circles this is a trash can diagnosis. It is assumed to be an incurable character flaw and the person is manipulative. That makes therapists and doctors often protect themselves by not really working to help the person, but just to “keep them safe”, which is more like a mental health holding pattern rather than treatment to effect change. This would be torture to a victim of childhood emotional abuse because it parallels the cold distancing of their parents.

    I think many, many people who have been given the trash can diagnosis of borderline (who are erroneously seen as very manipulative) are actually complex trauma survivors (who are emotionally overwhelmed a lot, which can be misidentified as manipulation). This is grossly unfair and anti-therapeutic. Overwhelmed complex trauma survivors don’t get the benefits of manipulation (as sociopaths do) so this is a huge “tell” about the cause of emotional “storms”. One is effective in getting what one wants (ie a sociopath having a trantrum) the other achieves the opposite (rejection and alienation of the trauma survivor).

    There are also people on the autism spectrum who also rate low on empathy, and I bet that lots of (mainly female) Aspergers people have got misdiagnosed as borderline or sociopath. Again, the tragedy is they get ineffective treatment and very damaging labels that put them in the therapeutic trash can. Mindfulness and DBT, which is the (current) gold standard treatment for borderline, won’t necessarily help these people, so they probably get unfairly blamed for sabotaging their own treatment.

    Whatever the “real” diagnosis or low baseline “normal” state of empathy, just because someone is low on empathy does not make them bad or evil. It is the INTENT of their actions that determines how evil they are IMO. Doing cruel things to another person for personal gain is how sociopaths are FUNCTIONALLY identified. ie it is what they do that makes them sociopaths IMO, not whatever their score is on state and trait states of empathy and fearlessness. Mental health diagnoses are pretty much based on self-report, and sociopaths are pathological liars who know what to say to get a clean bill of mental health.

    Even if the person is “normal” and has no diagnosis, if they are spiteful and mean then I cut them off too. If I feel bad because of what another person is doing, I don’t hang around that person. I hang around people who make me feel good.

    Intent is more important to me than any diagnosis or lack of diagnosis. The nastiest people I have met in my life have had no diagnosis at all.

  • #41663


    Solving relationship problems can be a challenge.
    “I am crying.”
    “Okay. I wish you felt better.”
    ~ In a nutshell.

    I am not sure if we are not creating more victims. We are in the BDSM scene, and men are willing to do and give a lot of things for spending a few hours with two women. Though it doesn’t leave the emotional pain. One might even call it a fair deal. I guess partners in crime would be a better description than holding her back, merely the damage is slightly reduced.

    Partners in crime could also be used for how the relationship works, we are constantly setting traps and trying to out manipulate each other. Only once has she stepped into a trap. This keeps the relationship interesting and moving. Learning from the master.

    In my opinion, labels have never done anything good. A lot of awkward situations in my life could have been avoided if society didn’t persist on putting labels on everything. Labels build insecurity and self-doubt.

    People getting wrong diagnoses is an issue in the health system in general. Mental diagnoses can have a huge impact on a person’s life and the wrong diagnosis can be life destroying or potentially deadly.

    I try to avoid highly emotional people. Two friends are suffering from social anxiety when they have one of the periods where they are feeling down I try to avoid contact as fighting fear with a rather logical approach only would make things worse. The problem is that it is exactly those periods where they search contact. Listening and then changing subject to something like the weather avoids putting salt on the wound.

    I agree, actions and intent behind them are most important. A diagnosis has nothing to do with actions.

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